RogerMorsel
New member
Hi, this is my first time here, I am in my early twenties, and for as long as I can remember one of the things that always helped me relax was writing lists mostly "my favorite things" types lists; lists of bands, books, movies, etc, and revising them.
I still do this, but then for awhile downloading music, was the one thing that would help me feel more comfortable, and now it's movie watching and smoking. My intrusive thoughts are usualy about my finances(im way in debt), or my girlfreind(is she happy, will she leave, am I attractive, etc), and a fear of dissapointing people (family, friends, class-mates, teachers, co-workers).
Ive been going out less and less(even to visit freinds), and watching more and more, and the smoking which was at first for fun, then as a way to self-medicate, now is more compulsive(I feel asleep a few nights ago, holding a bag in my hand, just holding it). I feel anxious and worried all the time, but my smoking has made it difficult to tell what is effecting what.
The only thing I can think of to help level of the stress is watching more movies, I dont even have to finish them anymore, though it buggs me not to, they just have to be new or something I havent seen in long enough they seem new to me...I get so afraid of failing and facing dissaproving professers Ive skipped out on whole classes after a few bad tests. Ive been getting really bad panic attacks (like stomach butterflies with grenades), and Im just not sure if I am just distracting myself, or if this is a genuine compulsion. Or whether my fears are genuine and not obsessions(I think they are genuine, but I obsesses over them?).
This does not make more sense on paper, as I had imagined. I may be getting kicked out of my apartment, and may drop out of school, and what I feel besides panic and nervousness, is a need to get stoned and browse and tv liks, so I can add more movies to my lists.
Does this sound at all like OCD?
I still do this, but then for awhile downloading music, was the one thing that would help me feel more comfortable, and now it's movie watching and smoking. My intrusive thoughts are usualy about my finances(im way in debt), or my girlfreind(is she happy, will she leave, am I attractive, etc), and a fear of dissapointing people (family, friends, class-mates, teachers, co-workers).
Ive been going out less and less(even to visit freinds), and watching more and more, and the smoking which was at first for fun, then as a way to self-medicate, now is more compulsive(I feel asleep a few nights ago, holding a bag in my hand, just holding it). I feel anxious and worried all the time, but my smoking has made it difficult to tell what is effecting what.
The only thing I can think of to help level of the stress is watching more movies, I dont even have to finish them anymore, though it buggs me not to, they just have to be new or something I havent seen in long enough they seem new to me...I get so afraid of failing and facing dissaproving professers Ive skipped out on whole classes after a few bad tests. Ive been getting really bad panic attacks (like stomach butterflies with grenades), and Im just not sure if I am just distracting myself, or if this is a genuine compulsion. Or whether my fears are genuine and not obsessions(I think they are genuine, but I obsesses over them?).
This does not make more sense on paper, as I had imagined. I may be getting kicked out of my apartment, and may drop out of school, and what I feel besides panic and nervousness, is a need to get stoned and browse and tv liks, so I can add more movies to my lists.
Does this sound at all like OCD?