Apple Strudel
Well-known member
Lately, I've been really depressed about my future (what future?)
You see, i'm stuck with a narcissistic stepmum and a dad that listens to her constantly.
And then real life isn't going well for me. I've always been asked to get off from my job, getting snubbed in school with only a small pool (like 5-10 mates) of students and have zero social life.
I've had a terrible past in school and seriously, i'm not rich nor extremely intelligent that I could actually progress better in school and like in most fantasies or happy endings, my endings are never similar nor I am that person who is the most successful amongst his/her peers.
In fact, it's the opposite. The high school bullies that have money or connections, gets the most out of life, while I suffer terribly with lack of social aspects. People keep telling me empty things like 'you are what you want to be' blah blah..look at those successful ppl...seriously, it makes me feel worse than I ever had.
Recently, I've been considering suicide or trying ways to go on disability. I honestly do not see myself as mainstream successful because I don't think I want such a hectic life, fighting here and there...for nothing. I mean nothing as in...I don't really want it anyways.
I kept replaying the fact that my future would consist of odd jobs and the likes. I am in school but with a certificate that no one cares. I am not very good at studies and yet I act like 'nerd'.
I've never been in a relationship before because people are shallow. But it's ok, that's minor...I don't care for it. Since I have no intention of giving birth to another useless person in the world.
I feel like sh*t and i'm forever in life crisis. Have been soooo tempted to get high off some meds. I feel so terrible each coming day....
You see, i'm stuck with a narcissistic stepmum and a dad that listens to her constantly.
And then real life isn't going well for me. I've always been asked to get off from my job, getting snubbed in school with only a small pool (like 5-10 mates) of students and have zero social life.
I've had a terrible past in school and seriously, i'm not rich nor extremely intelligent that I could actually progress better in school and like in most fantasies or happy endings, my endings are never similar nor I am that person who is the most successful amongst his/her peers.
In fact, it's the opposite. The high school bullies that have money or connections, gets the most out of life, while I suffer terribly with lack of social aspects. People keep telling me empty things like 'you are what you want to be' blah blah..look at those successful ppl...seriously, it makes me feel worse than I ever had.
Recently, I've been considering suicide or trying ways to go on disability. I honestly do not see myself as mainstream successful because I don't think I want such a hectic life, fighting here and there...for nothing. I mean nothing as in...I don't really want it anyways.
I kept replaying the fact that my future would consist of odd jobs and the likes. I am in school but with a certificate that no one cares. I am not very good at studies and yet I act like 'nerd'.
I've never been in a relationship before because people are shallow. But it's ok, that's minor...I don't care for it. Since I have no intention of giving birth to another useless person in the world.
I feel like sh*t and i'm forever in life crisis. Have been soooo tempted to get high off some meds. I feel so terrible each coming day....