Livingwithoutlivin
Well-known member
If I could ask God for something, it would be to let me die painlessly tonight, in my sleep. I've screwed the entire novel of my life, to this day. I was alright at some point, but then it all went down hill. My boyfriend dumped me for good, and the only thing I have to offer him is sex every now and then. He doesn't want me for shit in his life. I gave him many ackward moments and was always quiet with his friends. I could not ever come to look him in the eyes or be normal even during sex. I fucked up so bad and to me this is the peak of it. He constantly asked me to get a job, and hurry up and change, and I didn't do those things. I feel so bad, it's a goddamn curse. Damn the day I went to that tarot card reader, who told me I needed 3 spirtual cleanses to be alright again, damn her. And damn my crazy aunt who threw withcraft sea salts to give me and my mom bad luck, when we were living up north. The world used to be so beautiful and wonderous to me... now it's all gone. I don't dream of the future anymore. I only worry about what it has that I fear to experience. I hate living. Please God take this pain away. I'm a product of all my actions, and fuck the people who encouraged me to be shy, to hell with everybody who contributed to my lack of confidence. Fuck this shit of a life, I want to die man, I just want to do it gently. Please God, what the fuck am I living for. I can't save anybody, I can't help those poor emaciated children in Africa, how the fuck am I going to do that when I can't even look at somebody without feeling anxiety. I can't make anybody love somebody like me who is too afraid to be seen. I make everybody have ackward moments. I just wish I could start all over again, to make things right, and do it right this time.
The only thing that made this life worth living is being loved in return by the man I loved, and he let me know for good, that I am not what he wants anymore, and that he has moved on. Fuck... dear God, you would be so kind to wipe me off the face of this earth, I hate myself. What the fuck must I do to be happy, it's like theres a fucking curse over me, fuck everybody who made this happen to me. I remember a time when I knew I would grow up to be someone important, and fuck who did this to me? Damn those people. God please help me out here, I can't take this pain anymore. What the fuck do I do? Please God, tell me what to do, otherwise I choose death.
The only thing that made this life worth living is being loved in return by the man I loved, and he let me know for good, that I am not what he wants anymore, and that he has moved on. Fuck... dear God, you would be so kind to wipe me off the face of this earth, I hate myself. What the fuck must I do to be happy, it's like theres a fucking curse over me, fuck everybody who made this happen to me. I remember a time when I knew I would grow up to be someone important, and fuck who did this to me? Damn those people. God please help me out here, I can't take this pain anymore. What the fuck do I do? Please God, tell me what to do, otherwise I choose death.