I dunno what to do

[Da Kid]

Not trying to go on a crazy rant to a bunch of people I don't know, but I feel kinda bad and would appreciate whatever advice I can get from people. Anyway:

I'm 18 years old, finishing up High School at a school of about 700 total people. I was made fun of all throughout elementary school because of my buck teeth and the fact that I always smelled bad (parents wouldn't let me use deodorant). Most people didn't like me, including the teacher, but I had some decent friends (though I admit I didn't hang out with them outside of school because my parents kept me around the house a lot). My parents are Russian, so they prioritize my learning above everything else. I know they care about me, but I can tell I frustrated them a lot because I didn't like to learn. Plus, I broke a lot of things when I was younger, which pissed my dad off a lot because he had to fix it all. Anyway, I move onto a new school for 6th grade through 8th, and much of the same happens. My confidence is beat down because of years of being made fun of, and my teeth and smell are still pretty bad. So, though people are at least friendly (mostly), I have few friends, and still don't hang out with a lotta people. In 8th grade I get braces, the bad smell begins to reside (slightly), but people still have bad opinions of me because me feeling that I get no attention, blurt out random things and try to entertain at my own expense. So, I am annoying, smell bad and not attractive. Anyway, I met the nicest kid around.

This kid, in short, genuinely seemed to care, even though I kinda appeared outta nowhere. He told me to believe in myself, and that with some work I'll be able to get girls and be normal. This helped me get my first shread of self confidence. Things moved along, my braces got taken off and my teeth are decent now (though they are a bit yellow, but I am working on that) and Around sophomore year my smell started to reside and now I smell normal (though I don't use and kidna colone or smell) and I found football, the thing I enoy most in my life. However, I only started one game throughout HS in football, and am basically known as a bench guy to the people on the team (and some in school). The nice kid who helped me left for college, and I am going to a different one next year. But, I still feel kinda empty.

I have only 2 friends who I hang out with a on a regular basis, I dress decently (but not up to my standards, and I am trying to eliminate all the HS football stuff before I go to college), I think I look decently, but I am shy, and am scared of talking to girls, I am a virgin and have never kissed a girl, I don't party (am not allowed out at night), I know I can be social (when on vacation only 1-2 weeks ago, had a great time while drunk/high. Didn't get any girls, but I at least asked on to dance (got rejected ) in the right situations, it's just most of the people in the school think I am w/e. I am also trying to play college football at a D-I school, though I am not that good, and am only 6'2, 180 lbs. (going to play in 3 years, cause I am gonig to college for 7 for my physical therapy doctorate). And I wear glasses to see from far away (thought I don't wear them in public, and can't read or see clearly from far away, which bothers me a bit). I also have a really weird personality where I am either a complete pacifist or an ******* whose intentions are misread, or a mellow bitch who doesn't really care anymore.

Anyway, thats all that comes to my head atm. Any and all advice is appreciated, though I am not expecting on magic answer that will help everything.

 

[FOR REAL]

i cant really comment too much on your situation cause ive never been there.

one thing i can say though is that drink/drugs is not the answer, (thats what i did), it feels great at the time i know but it just makes things worse in the long run.

also when you say that you dont smell that great and your making an effort now then that will probably just disapear in time

 

[Da Kid]

i cant really comment too much on your situation cause ive never been there.

one thing i can say though is that drink/drugs is not the answer, (thats what i did), it feels great at the time i know but it just makes things worse in the long run.

also when you say that you dont smell that great and your making an effort now then that will probably just disapear in time

lol maybe I didn't type it out clearly enough, but I smell fine now (at least BO wise, my breath still needs a bit of work, but I got gum for that and am getting a tongue scraper too)

As far as drugs and drinking, thats not too big of a problem for me. I have to drive myself most places, so drinking a lot is out of the question. Drug are not that big of a deal, besides pot, and that was a habit only started recently.

The thing that worries me most is that fact that I am too timid and not confident because of my past of being made fun of and can easily be put down. Also, having no game with the ladies kills me too.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

well.. one thing i guess i've learned is that self confidence can't come from anyone but yourself.. maybe you can try to look good and smile pretty, and people can tell you that you look great, but it doesn't really make me feel like i look great.. ya know? maybe that's just me? haha.. i mean, people do compliment me a lot, but i see so much that's wrong with myself that i just won't be confident until i fix this or that...

anyway, the best thing you can ever do is just be true to who you are. live your life, make mistakes, learn your lessons and find yourself. that's probably the best advice i can give, because there's just no cookie cutter way to make a relationship work, to make friends or to succeed... it's all about being yourself, finding someone who likes you for yourself and having friends that like you for who you are, as well.... so i guess i'm not much help, eh?

you sound like you've got goals (college and the degree and all) which is freakin' awesome, because most people don't even have that... keep your ambition and just don't ever give up. when you feel the worst, the lowest, like you've got nothing else, just know that you can only go up from being down, pick yourself up and stand on your own two feet and move on...

well wasn't that just a lifetime of advice rolled into one?! best wishes to you!

 

[Da Kid]

You've got height and some meat on your bones, and you're obviously at least somewhat athletic. All the other issues you mentioned can probably be fixed pretty easily. So I'd say your friend was right in that with a little effort (and slack from your parents), you can get this whole socially awkward thing under control.

That's one of the things I am hoping for, that I get to live away from my parents in 2 years or so when I start living on campus. Hopefully things will be a lot better.

well.. one thing i guess i've learned is that self confidence can't come from anyone but yourself.. maybe you can try to look good and smile pretty, and people can tell you that you look great, but it doesn't really make me feel like i look great.. ya know? maybe that's just me? haha.. i mean, people do compliment me a lot, but i see so much that's wrong with myself that i just won't be confident until i fix this or that...

anyway, the best thing you can ever do is just be true to who you are. live your life, make mistakes, learn your lessons and find yourself. that's probably the best advice i can give, because there's just no cookie cutter way to make a relationship work, to make friends or to succeed... it's all about being yourself, finding someone who likes you for yourself and having friends that like you for who you are, as well.... so i guess i'm not much help, eh?

you sound like you've got goals (college and the degree and all) which is freakin' awesome, because most people don't even have that... keep your ambition and just don't ever give up. when you feel the worst, the lowest, like you've got nothing else, just know that you can only go up from being down, pick yourself up and stand on your own two feet and move on...

well wasn't that just a lifetime of advice rolled into one?! best wishes to you!

Wow. Your first paragraph is right on the money. It describes me almost exactly (besides the compliments, don't get too many of those). Superficialy I might happy with what other people might say, but on thee inside I am always worried about what might be wrong, trying to make myself as close to ideal as possible. Though I do realize that at some point I am jsut gunna have to be happy with what I have, right now I feel that day is still far away.

And maybe about friends and girls your right too. I really don't know too many people, maybe I'll meet a lot more people who connect with me.

Solid advice, through and through. Sometimes the simple answer is the hardest and most complex to figure out.

 

[Liberty]

That was a very direct and forward analysis of yourself. My best advice would be that high school doesn't really matter at all. The social aspect and everything like that fades in time. At least you are going to get a doctorate and hopefully your adult life will greatly surpass your childhood life.

Also sounds like your parents didn't do you any favors to help you fit in at school.

 

[Da Kid]

That was a very direct and forward analysis of yourself. My best advice would be that high school doesn't really matter at all. The social aspect and everything like that fades in time. At least you are going to get a doctorate and hopefully your adult life will greatly surpass your childhood life.

Also sounds like your parents didn't do you any favors to help you fit in at school.

Well, I see no point not being fully truthful and providing as through an analysis of myself when asking for advice. The more people know, the more they have to offer.

I get what your saying about High school too, and going to a place where (most) people won't have any prior knowledge about me (college) will help a lot in create better first impressions and maybe lead to an overall change in luck.

And, I won't lie, I love my parents and feel that some of the blame I put on them for my problems is undeserved, but I feel besides school and things of material value they don't really offer an emotion help/advice worth taking and are extremely stubborn. Again, I can't blame them because the way they were raised is much different from the way I was raised, culturally and physiologically. But, on the other hand their limiting behavior (making ti difficult to leave the house, not being allowed out at night at all) might be understood a little bit because every time I get a bit of freedom I take full advantage of it, sometimes to their dismay (Getting crazy drunk on vacations, taking the car when they won't let me, ignoring repeated phone calls and blaming it on lack of battery)

 

[Liberty]

Well, I see no point not being fully truthful and providing as through an analysis of myself when asking for advice. The more people know, the more they have to offer.

I get what your saying about High school too, and going to a place where (most) people won't have any prior knowledge about me (college) will help a lot in create better first impressions and maybe lead to an overall change in luck.

And, I won't lie, I love my parents and feel that some of the blame I put on them for my problems is undeserved, but I feel besides school and things of material value they don't really offer an emotion help/advice worth taking and are extremely stubborn. Again, I can't blame them because the way they were raised is much different from the way I was raised, culturally and physiologically. But, on the other hand their limiting behavior (making ti difficult to leave the house, not being allowed out at night at all) might be understood a little bit because every time I get a bit of freedom I take full advantage of it, sometimes to their dismay (Getting crazy drunk on vacations, taking the car when they won't let me, ignoring repeated phone calls and blaming it on lack of battery)

Yeah I was pretty much the same way. Very little freedom growing up so when I got some I didn't know how to handle it or be responsible and just took advantage of it. It's natural.

 

[Abby]

6' 2" is perfect - it's about the average size for NFL quarterbacks and receivers -

although i don't have any online proof to show, don't know all the rules of football and detest sports in general (lol), i do know my stuff - as i saw many of these guys on a daily basis for over a decade (as their personal financial/risk management advisor - and their actual height was on their life insurance application - which was provided by the same group of doctors who examined each and every one of them)...in fact, i was surprised at how many (of all different positions) were *shorter* than that...

btw, out of the most successful NFL quarterbacks ever, the majority of them were *exactly* 6' 2".

 

[Abby]

also, my soon-to-be 16yr old with SA has recently learned for himself what i've always known:

if a girl is attracted to you, most often, not only will she seek YOU out (whether by flirting with you incessantly, telling you directly that she's interested, or having a "friend" let you know), but once you get the courage up to actually agree to see each other, she'll be so self-absorbed in worrying about what you think of HER, that she won't even *notice* your SA...and in turn, it will soon disappear when just the two of you are together.

 

[Da Kid]

Yeah I was pretty much the same way. Very little freedom growing up so when I got some I didn't know how to handle it or be responsible and just took advantage of it. It's natural.

It sucks, doesn't it? That'll probably mellow out as I get older though.

I vehemently disagree. My view of HS is best summed up by the following vid:

High school matters

lol too true man. Props for the family guy clip.

 

[Da Kid]

6' 2" is perfect - it's about the average size for NFL quarterbacks and receivers -

although i don't have any online proof to show, don't know all the rules of football and detest sports in general (lol), i do know my stuff - as i saw many of these guys on a daily basis for over a decade (as their personal financial/risk management advisor - and their actual height was on their life insurance application - which was provided by the same group of doctors who examined each and every one of them)...in fact, i was surprised at how many (of all different positions) were *shorter* than that...

btw, out of the most successful NFL quarterbacks ever, the majority of them were *exactly* 6' 2".

I don't play QB lol. I play DE/OLB. So, I needa put on about 40-60 lbs. of weight/muscle and needa shave my 40 time by about .3 sec. It's gunna be hard, but is do able with the amount of time I have and my work ethic. I do study a lot of tape regardless thou, so that will likely help.

also, my soon-to-be 16yr old with SA has recently learned for himself what i've always known:

if a girl is attracted to you, most often, not only will she seek YOU out (whether by flirting with you incessantly, telling you directly that she's interested, or having a "friend" let you know), but once you get the courage up to actually agree to see each other, she'll be so self-absorbed in worrying about what you think of HER, that she won't even *notice* your SA...and in turn, it will soon disappear when just the two of you are together.

Not many girls I know are attracted to me (from the ones that I know). And anyway a good deal of them expect the guy to make the first move/leave the most subtle of hints. I am getting contacts sometime in the next week, so my vision should be a lot better and I should be able to pick up hints better too. I admit that my game is likely not that good, but with some practice and some new people to work on things will be on the upswing. Good to know that people are soo worried about themselves they sometimes fail to notice the flaws of others.