I feel so hopeless

[Anonymous]

Sorry for being such a whiny bitch but I just cant take it anymore. I am extremly shy and Im just about to give up. I have almost no friends, no good friends, no girlfriend, Im too shy to get a job, Too shy to ask any girls out, to shy to even confront them, too shy for even minimal converstation. Jesus. Everywhere I look I hear about people "hanging out" or "couples" and It gets me sooo jealous and angry and sad and hopeless that I dont and cant expericence these things at all. I feel at my whits end. Just asking but does anyone else know how I feel? Just the raw jealously of those people with a whole bunch of freinds and a girlfriend? I know its not good to be jealous but I cant help it. And I hope at least here people wont be telling me to shut up, stop complinaing and get on with yourself. But I dont even care anymore. And how does someone get over this curse???

"Eli, Eli, lama sabachtani"- Jesus before dying on the cross, which goes along with my life

 

[kody]

First can I say, its OK, this board is here for people to talk, so you shouldn't feel sorry for that. Thing is, even though we are all shy, alot of non-shy people still don't have girlfriends or good friends. If your going to compare yourself with other people though, can I suggest this. Try to examine what cool confident people do and if you can, just try to emulate it.

Have you sought professional help? If not, please go and see your doctor and try to find a good therapist who is familiar with social anxiety. As for getting over it, its just a case of sorta of doing something. I'm not one to advocate just trying to overcome the fear. I really don't believe you can just 'feel the fear and get over it'. If only it was just that easy. But please go speak to someone about it, take small steps and start treating yourself better. What I mean is, rather than focussing on your shortcommings, focus on what makes you a great person, what would make someone want to be your friend or your girlfriend. If you can't think of anything, your not trying hard enough. I'm sure you have positive attributes, everbody does.

 

[Yossarian]

I used to feel jealous sometimes. Not in a hateful way, just a sad way. But I believe getting over shyness/SP is achievable so I keep hope that oneday I will have all (well some) of the things I want from life. Just keep thinking that one day that can be you doing these things. Try and use it as a positive motivation if you can. Easy to say I know.

As for sounding whiny it's good to let these feelings out. Better than keeping them bottled up. I hope you can get over this because jealousy is a horrible and destructive emotion, as I'm sure you already know. I think it's normal to be jealous because it shows you care and want to be happy. I think it would be more worrying if you no longer care and give up trying to achieve what you want.

Good Luck

 

[MRnomates]

aaaa

 

[Anonymous]

Ya its a really bad illness, at least people with cancer have friends/ spouse

 

[cody2468]

I am very shy and introverted myself and hate it. Have you ever noticed that people treat you like you are a snob when you are shy and don't say much. They think you are really stuck up but you aren't you just have a fear of doing or saying something wrong.
I have trouble making friends as I am very hard on myself and put myself down all the time. When I meet people I think that they don't like me because I am quiet or if I say something I keep going over it thinking that I have said something wrong but I am trying to change that.

 

[Anonymous]

Ya people who think that Im snubbish I just wanna punch in the face They dont know you or your condition are just plain stupid and should be more open and understanding

 

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, that is one of the tragedies of sp. We often give the false impression of being snobbish. When I was about to tour Mammoth Cave in Kentucky last year, alone, I noticed another fellow who appeared to be alone. After the tour, I hiked several of the paths in the area and we crossed paths in opposite directions. I nodded and he just looked away and appeared to be a bit snobbish. However, at this point, I thought he could well be another person with sp. Half an hour later we almost crossed paths again but this time he suddenly took another direction as I approached. When I saw this I was pretty sure he was a fellow sufferer but my first impression was that he was snobbish which we ofter appear to be but not at all what we really are! Well Guest, I hope you will find some help here among all the posts and a welcome to the site. Also, if the fellow I mentioned is reading this by coincidence, I hope he would contact me and make my day.

 

[shep]

somehow the last post went on as guest instead of my username. :?

 

[Sempfy]

I have mixed emotions when I see the many happy couples around me. I do get jealous, but like someone else said, it's more a "sad" jealousy kinda thing. At the same time tho, it makes me happy to see that other people are happy and have someone close to them to share their life with. I jes live in the hope that someday I'll be like that.

 

[Anonymous]

Interesting comment there shep, certainly got me thinking. I often get upset inside when people give me an 'evil' look, or they just look away quickly (actually I get upset even when I get flirting looks.. but thats sp). It never crossed my mind maybe those people had a similar condition, behing their snobish/unfriendly response.

 

[Anonymous]

I know what you're going thru.

 

[Different]

Your not alone, I get jealous of seeing people together too. The other day I was taking a walk through the park when I saw a group of friends sitting outside a cafe, laughing and having a good time together. I wish I could do that too.

 

[Anonymous]

to the guest who dared compare shyness and cancer, have you lost someone to cancer? have you seen a loved one fight against the pain, the anguish? My uncle died last june. He was a doctor, an intelligent man who had always held himself with dignity. None of this was left after two months of quimiotherapy. My mother died of cancer twenty six days ago. The third cancer did what the two before couldn't. Before she died she spent one month and a half in scrutizing pain, even with a high dose of morphine in his body he couldn't find any position in which she could rest for more than a minute. She pleaded for death. Not having friend is hard, really really hard and it kills you from inside out...but don't you dare compare...

 

[Henry]

Woa woa woa calm down there Lya. I didnt mean any disrespect ok? And before you start thinking I dont know what it feels like to lose someone close, my father died alittle over a year ago. Not of cancer no, actually really suddendly. But his is gone nonethless. And to most people yes its not even in the same ballpark, cancer and SP, but man it feels like it from my perspective. If you ever been in MY position, no friends and whatnot, then you will see the lines do blur. Again sorry for the disrespect.

 

[sandman]

I now how it is losing someone to cancer. I lost both of my parents to different cancers. My mother died from lung cancer. My father died from metastic melanoma. In the end just before my father died he had no friends. His only friend was me. Everyone else turned their backs on him like he was already dead. Its terrible being only 26 and having both of your parents dead.

 

[Anonymous]

i understand dont worry

http://groups.msn.com/Calmestplace2/general.msnw

 

[ignisfatuus]

And to most people yes its not even in the same ballpark, cancer and SP, but man it feels like it from my perspective.

I wouldn't bother apologising for your analogy is correct; anyone who has suffered the ravages of SP would know that. The imagined discrepancy between biological and mental illness makes the latter all the more difficult for those who are affected. Is someone who is suffering from cancer told to "suck it up"? And as for the danger to life, the spectre of despair aroused by SP on a daily basis carries the very real consequence of suicide. So to the individual who questioned the destructive and crippling effects of SP, how dare you.

 

[Anonymous]

I agree with the above.

The daily despair, misery and blackness of chronic SA renders your quality of life as virtually non-existent. I would not wish cancer on anyone but nor would I wish the soul-destroying curse of SA on anyone.

And yeah, being told that your "problems are all in your head" in a disparaging tone by people who don't even feel a need to feign sympathy for SA sufferers and their "imaginery" problems does not aid ones feeling of well-being. Would they dare adopt the same attitude towards cancer sufferers? Because mental illness is easy, right?

 

[angeleyez]

I know how it feels to have almost no friends and no significant other. It sux! I have been single and miserable practically my whole life. It is really depressing to spend your life alone. Sometimes you wish you could meet somebody- anybody who understood you but it's very difficult to meet people when we have this disorder.

Angeleyez