i hate my shyness

[mo7md]

hi guys, i'am new here and i'am glad to see people have the same problem or in general iam not alone, so i decided to show you my problem and ask for your opinion.
Here it goes. every thing began when i was in collage and hang out with my friends and i saw her, i felt something attract me to her eyes but i was confused so i couldnt look at her eyes directly. Anyway every time i see her i start avoiding the eye contact and i dont know why?! is it shyness? or less self confident. The Situation continues as it is for year, until i decided to finish this problem, so i decided to talk to her after the exam. she sat in front of me and again i was confused but i calm my self and after she finished her exam and go out i also driveled my exam sheet to the doctor and go out and saw her making a phone call. i waited until she finished and start to ask her any thing about the exam. She replied that she dont know if her answers was right or wrong. I was soo happy even though the conversation didnt last for 2 mins. the day after i was going to my lecture room and i see her, she smiled to me but again i confused and i didnt reply :*( , and that was the beginning of the end.
After that she began to avoid me every time i trying to be close to her or trying to talk to her.
Now every time i see her i feel like apart of me is gone, i feel that iam too weak, disappointed and start to hate my self .Sorry for long post and iam sorry too for my bad english. please guys any advise.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hey and welcome to the forum!

As for your problem, well, you couldn't meet her eyes because you're attracted to her; that attraction makes you somewhat scared and nervous around her because you don't want to embarrass yourself in front of her. It's normal for guys who have a crush on someone. She might have a crush on you or just want to be friends, but, either way, your not making eye contact with her must have given her the idea that you don't want anything to do with her, so she's avoiding you so as to not get her feelings hurt. Try smiling at her or simply acknowledging her existence; show her that you want to talk to her. Good luck.

Also, your English is good, so don't worry about it and I might be completely off-base with this, so don't completely trust me.

 

[mo7md]

thanks man for advice . Actually your analysis i totally right, but still every time i think about her i tell my self " if you talked to her what will you say ?! and what are the strength point that will make her interested in you? and so on. i think it's lack of self-esteem or self confident .

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, as for what to say to her, you could ask her how her day's been or how she's feeling. People like to talk about themselves since it's one of the easiest things to talk about (in my opinion), so, if you get lost about what to say next, divert the conversation to her. Maybe you could pull her aside and tell her why you've been cold to her. She'd most likely understand and be more willing to initiate stuff with you.

Your strengths are something that only you know; I can't tell you because I don't know you nor have I seen you. Everyone has a strength, something they're good at. Think of your hobbies and go from there. For example, one of my hobbies is writing and one of my strengths would be my expression of emotions in my words (or so I like to hope).

Try not to be so analytical about this and use your instincts some. They know how to do this.

 

[mo7md]

but iam in this problem for 3 years and now i feel that she hates me . Is still hope?

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well, there's always time for change. Just go up to her, explain your situation to her, and apologize for your actions. After that, you've done all that you can. The rest is up to her. She can either forgive you or leave you. If she leaves, then know that she wasn't worth it. If a woman cannot accept you, the whole you, flaws and all, then she isn't worth you time. You'll come across a grand number of females in your lifetime, so don't bet it all on her, okay? Go as far with her as you can and then stop. If she becomes your girlfriend, then congrats, if not, then learn from this and move forward to find someone else.

 

[Vampiro]

I understand.

Well, I think we have to assume what we are. We are shy.

That means that our nature tends to be introverted. But not mean we should be. In my case, I know that socializing costs 10 times more than another person, but not stopped tryng so. It takes effort. Just as an some outgoing person has trouble doing things that i do easily, such as passing a test. I tend to think that there is a balance in every way.

Not mean we should give up. Do something that scares us every day (this helped me to take my fears), do therapy, whatever you think good for you.

It's just my opinion in my 20 years of experience in life.

 

[028ellie81]

I understand.

Well, I think we have to assume what we are. We are shy.

That means that our nature tends to be introverted. But not mean we should be. In my case, I know that socializing costs 10 times more than another person, but not stopped tryng so. It takes effort. Just as an some outgoing person has trouble doing things that i do easily, such as passing a test. I tend to think that there is a balance in every way.

Not mean we should give up. Do something that scares us every day (this helped me to take my fears), do therapy, whatever you think good for you.

It's just my opinion in my 20 years of experience in life.

I think your right definately it is a part of who we are but we can work through it to lead a happy, satisfying life - (just maybe on a smaller scale to non-SA sufferers

 

[mikebird]

I think it's been far too long for me to realise this.. I mean it!

It's strange, but I can see that I am shy and find general communication difficult.

My preferred conduit of exchanging ideas, events, thoughts, etc.. is typing! All types of forums. We love it here - sharing ideas. There's nothing wrong with a keyboard!

Normal people do find it odd. When I'm in an office, I find email the best way to talk, especially when others are in a different building or country.

I found email in 1994 as a student.

There's SMS, which is too fiddly for me

I have my own protective barrier of reading and writing messages.

Main worries are recruiter grilling on the phone. All they seem to sense is something negative

 

[Gaucho]

hi it sucks. I could of been with many girls i was attracted/in love with but my low self confidence, my afraidness of failing ,and the judgement of others and being a coward did let me alone.
we have to be strong ad take the opportunities that we are given

 

[mo7md]

i think the main reason of low self esteem and self confident is lack of life knowledge, like how to deal with the others and the experience to deal with the problem that u face . Anyway, thanks guys for support. I really appreciate that.

 

[Mondo]

I think you got some pretty good replies here... It is a lack of confidence in your opinion of yourself and having a crush on her. its atough one and something i struggle with as well. you are not alone. I say let her know how you feel and your anxieties around girls. honesty is the best policy for it makes her understand you. Maybe you put her off by not smiling and being avoidant and that leads to a misunderstanding.

 

[boyzee]

All of as is shy in some "key" moments, and one of the most important "investments" in the life - is work on yourself and on yours self-confidence.
In fact, most people feel shy in certain situations, even if it does not seem so.

 

[natis]

u can kill shyness if u like