I hate not being in command of your voice in a situation

[rko74]

Working at this grocery store job, im finding it hard to vocalise i worry that i will sound nervous in my voice and im frightened to assert myself etc.I feel like im not in command of any given verbal situation, and its annoys me.Anyone else feel like this starting a new job or in general around people?Its like im scared of any verbal communication

 

[Indecisive]

I know exactly how you feel.....For me it's as if I'm scared of saying the wrong thing, that whatever I say will be so rediculous the other person will just laugh or look at me like I'm from another planet. It's hard to make eye contact and sometimes I stammer and repeat words because my brain doesn't tell my mouth what to say. Wish I could help with a remedy but just wanted to share my experience.

 

[IceLad]

I hate it when people interrupt me or if I pause for half a second, they try and finish off what I'm saying. It makes me panic and start to stutter even more.

 

[Jack-B]

rko74,

I felt like this for years, even around people i knew i should be alright with aswell. It was agonising, but i feel it was all worth it because i now see the deception behind it.

You want to speak your mind, you have lots to say, you want people to hear what you have to say, you want to say what you feel before someone else finishes off your sentence. You just want to be heard. You just wish you could say anything with such confidence. You feel you need to speak.

If any of this sounds a little like you, ask yourself the following questions, they may help you realise what's going on.

Why do i feel the urge to speak, at all?

What will i get in return if i speak?

What am i imagining others are thinking and can my imagination really cause so much anxiety?

If others hear what i say, will i be happier?

How does what other people think about what i say make me happy?

Who do i spend most of my time talking/listening to and is this making me happy?

Just a few to get you started. It's worth looking at this problem in some detail to understand why you are feeling like this. You dont have to feel like this.

Please let us know your thoughts as this helps everyone ;-)

Jack

 

[rko74]

reply

I think im seeking approval or wanting others to like me, i have always been this way since a little kid.This is what is doing it most likely, if i didnt say anything all day and spoke to no one people wouldnt like me and think i was a wierdo.I guess i value or peoples opinions too much to make myself happy,i know this is not a good way of thinking.

 

[Jack-B]

rko74,

What other people think of you can only have power to make you happy from your side, not theirs.

No-one needs to like you for you to be happy. In saying this i dont mean you shouldnt want to or try to make friends etc. What i mean is that your happiness depends entirely upon your own mind and thoughts not anyone elses.

The approval you seek from others will never be found like this why?

Because what you desire, seeking happiness from others liking you, depends entirely upon how your mind perceives others. This means you perceive other people liking/disliking you and you feel this is where your happiness comes from, someone else appearing to like you.

If they appear to like you, you feel happier, if they appear not to like you, you feel insecure and unhappy. It doesnt need to be like this. It could be that everyone dislikes you and you remain happy or everyone likes you and you remain happy.

Even when people do display their liking of you, you probably want more or are not convinced that they really like you, you seek assurance and you may well feel needy.

All of this is not necessary.

You dont have to speak to anyone. Of course this isnt always beneficial however, what other people think remains in their minds, unless they share it. Whether they choose to see you as a weirdo or not depends more on how they think than how you act and says more about them than it does of you.

Focus on recognising these thoughts arise in your mind and ask yourself, " how are what other people thinking of me making me happy?"
You will start to realise that how you control your mind is more important to your happiness than what other people think.

Jack

 

[emmasma]

I know how this feels exactly! I'v been a waitress for 10 years now and I've gotten good at my routine, but its still a challenge everyday.
People that laugh when I'm away form the table (or at it), or joke with me, or ask me questions about me make me nervous, and I get all stuttery and say stupid things. When I have even one table like this then I get all nervous and paranoid about them all until they leave. Sometimes I get panicky, not wanting to approach and talk anyone at all, just for no reason, but I have too.
I really dislike my job sometimes, but if I left it I could literally picture myself not speaking to anyone again outside of my mom and my child. W
Anyway, although it's scary and all that, my job has helped me alot, simply because I must face people daily. Just relax, it really isn't that bad once you do it a little. If you say the same thing over and over you kind of get numb to it, (I do) and it is good practice for other social situations.