I have the worse and most embarrasing anxiety ever....

[BrownEyes]

I know most people have a really hard time talking in front of large groups of people but I get nervous with just about anything that has to do with talking. Its the worse case of anxiety I have ever heard of and its very embarrasing because no one understands it. I definitely dont understand it. And I cannot change get over it either.

These are the situations/places where my anxious feelings are most intense. I dont think I have ever heard anyone mention being anxious while doing half of these, which is why I think my case is one of the worst.


I get anxiety when:

-Speaking in front of a person. And I dont meant a group, I mean one single individual person. It can be a friend, a relative or whatever. I'll be talking and a few seconds later BAM! I feel my voice cracking and my lips trembling.

-Going into an office, building, store, or any other place that has people.

-Talking on the phone. Answering the phone or calling my friends. I can hardly do either...

-Walking in front of a group of people, especially at school.

-Being in a place with more than 4 people. Any place. Any people.

-Saying "Here" when they call roll.

-Taking photos. I cannot take picture. I literally start twitching (from my mouth) when I do. It happens out of no where. I try to be calm. I walk up to take a photo, like this week for work I had to get a new photo ID, and I will be okay but as soon as they say "Are you ready" or "Smile" I just start shaking! Most of pictures come out horrible because at the moment of the flash I am experiencing the most terrible fright...

-Reading outloud. I cannot even read a single word without getting the full blown anxiety symptons (shaky hands, legs, lips...sweaty hands...rapid heart beat...horrible negative thoughts...ect).

-Ordering meals at restaurants. I cant do it. I cant order from my car and I cant order directly when I am inside the place without getting my anxious feelings.

-Watching other people speak. Same thing. I might just be watching someone speak in public, and they could be doing a swell job but I will still freak out completely. I can hardly stand to watch.

-Playing any kind of games that involve speaking in front of people, even close friends. Games like scrabble or sharades are the worse....


....thats about it. Those are the situations where my anxious feelings come out that I think are pretty strange. Of course my worst anxious feelings come when I speak in front of a large group of people. Now a days I mostly run out of the place BEFORE even standing up to speak.



I also have this thing where I think I'm chocking just about every time I am eating. I'm pretty sure it comes from my anxiety. I'm not sure what the exact connection is but I get the same feelings when I am eating. Its like I just become very afraid of swallowing (because I fear chocking). I once stopped my food, midway in my throat, and could not for the life of me swallow. I couldnt spit it out or anything. It just stayed there for like 10 seconds while I was having a major panic attack inside. I was at a family gathering, surrounded by dozens of family members but no one noticed. I really thought I would choke to death.....

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Has anyone ever experienced these things before?
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Brown Eyes
[email protected]

 

[GettingThere]

Hi and welcome.

You're symptoms all sound like a classic case of social phobia (or social anxiety disorder as it is often referred to now) with the possible exception of the choking thing. That one is new to me.

If you look through all of the old posts you will find an awful lot that sounds very familar. Hopefully you will also find a lot of good advice. There are lots of things which you can do to start your journey back from this crappy thing. The first thing that I would suggest is to research the problem a little more and the solutions suggested by the experts.

There are lots of books on the subject (see forum posting on best self-help books) and remember that you don't even have to buy because you can borrow from the library. If you are anything like I was - and you certainly sound that way - then you would not want to check such books out from a library because you feel bad about what the person at the counter of the library would think. Well, you could always buy through Ebay or whatever.

Anyhow, all the best and I hope that you feel that you have friends here because we all have such problems in varying degrees.

 

[BrownEyes]

re:

When I had money last year I bought the Lucinda Basette (sp?) anxiety kit and I thought it was excellent. I was really excited and hopeful about it but it didnt work for me. I just couldn't get over the part about criticizing myself.

I hate myself. I really cant find a way to be nice to myself. And I've read thats usually where anxiety begins, with negative thoughts. Mine seem to be the permanent kind...

I dont have money for drugs.

And I dont have time to get better.

 

[GettingThere]

This thing comes about for a number of reasons but to my mind the main one is the subconcious self-image which we have formed in our childhood through a combination of things. This self-image impacts upon our thinking and reinforces itself.

Trick is to turn our thinking around. Thats not an easy thing to do and there is no quick fix as such. It takes time, effort and patience. In the meantime try to treat yourself as you would others - I'm such that you are a nice person, try to realise that.

You say that you do not have time, why is that? (feel free to ignore that question if you don't feel comfortable answering it)

As regards books, here are the titles and authors of the ones which appear to have helped others most;

"Diagonally-Parked in a Parallel Universe : Working Through Social Anxiety"by Signe A. Dayhoff
"The Shyness & Social Anxiety Workbook", by Drs. Martin M. Antony and Richard P. Swinson
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne.
Burns: "Feeling Good Handbook
Butler: "Overcoming social anxiety and shyness"

 

[Nightshade]

I bought my first social anxiety books on Amazon. That was suitably anonymous.

It does take work to improve, and negative thoughts are hard to fix, but I refuse to believe that they are permanent. When I was younger, I thought that I would be stuck with the habit of self-harming every time I felt down, but I simply don't do it any more. If you had told me two years ago that I would go nearly a year without thinking regular suicidal thoughts, I wouldn't have believed you - actually, I wouldn't have believed you if you have said I could go a month.

It is hard to control your mind, but here is a trick I used for negative thoughts. When I was being particularly hard on myself, I would stop myself and say to myself "no, you shouldn't think that, you are doing your best and you are doing ok, you don't deserve to be punished and despised, you deserve something nice", and I would reward myself with some little treat, maybe a nice bath or some nice face lotion, or reading a favourite book or picking myself a bunch of flowers from the garden (find your own treats, just don't use food or you will end up with a different problem...).

By doing the practical reward, I started to get into good habits, and didn't need it so much after a while. Being negative and hating yourself is actually a habit, and you have to break the habit.

 

[maggie]

hey BrownEyes....all those things you listed that give you anxiety...ditto for me...most of what you said could have come directly from me...walking into anywhere, the phone, everything you listed i have trouble with also :evil: ...if i ever set foot in a restaurant (pretty close to never 8O ) i hope to order first, cause then i'm not stressing out hearing everyone else order and worry about it :roll: ...i like to sit on the end so i can get out quickly :wink: ..close to the bathroom so i don't get lost finding it..stupid stuff like that...no wonder i would rather stay home :twisted:

 

[fiona]

I hate talking too because I have a slight speech impediment so I have been told I guess because my hearing is bad. But my hearing has not always been this poor and my sister who also is deaf speaks perfectly :? Anyway other people say I speak really good but somedays I feel like I'm shouting when I'm actually mumbling! So I am always conscious of how I speak and hate drive throughs and whatever although I force myself to do it. My kids laugh at how I prounounce the foods at McDonalds apparently I 'say' the Mc bit wrong but it doesn't matter as long as they get the food :roll: :lol:

 

[rhythmical]

...ditto for me...

and for me too!

...i like to sit on the end so i can get out quickly

same here, but I have to say that over the years - and there have been many - i've had ups and downs in the severity of my SA. When it first started, about 13 years ago, I was as plagued by symptoms as you are now, Browneyes, but my fear of telephones has subsided a lot...i still panic if i have to phone people, but i can answer the phone (and chat for a bit) now. I think it's because it's a spontaneous act, rather than anticipatory, which is where i think most ppls anxiety 'grows' from. I think it could be possible to retrain ourselves to have total control over our thoughts before giving a speech, or making a phone call, for example, but it is a slow process...no shortcuts that i know of...and you have to be determined not to give up at the first obstacle - something that it much easier said than done for me! But i hope to rectify this..eventually

 

[emmie]

hi brown eyes i totally understand your trembling lips its my main problem it ruins my life god if you eva find a cure let me no have you tried cbt

 

[Eli]

just wanted to let you know that i totally relate - there are moments when i am not laden with anxiety - but it usually implies that i am on some sort of drug at that moment also... i haven't started the journey of getting help other than i am on a trial period of medication - so i am not able to offer any advice about what works, etc... i do know for me that the whole "not liking myself" has been a major factor in the development of my anxiety over the years and i have never really been able to calm the negative thoughts in my head - it's a harsh thing to say about oneself but if i were someone else judging me the way i judge myself i would have to conclude that the someone else hates me - which means i basically hate myself - i never meant to - but it just kept building inside me over the years...

all i wanted to say was that i can understand your concerns about the depth and prevalence of your anxiety - wish i could do more than just say i understand... i can at least offer the advice that you cannot lost hope - that is the worst for people like us... so even if you feel lost don't lose hope, keep reaching out. feel free to e-mail me anytime.
elizabeth

 

[BrownEyes]

Eli, emmie and everyone else, I appreciate all your comments and its a big relief knowing that I am not the only out there suffering with SA and with all its little complications.

Right now I'm going to counseling and I'm researching things and reading books. I hope that when I have some spare time I will be able to scan all the good things I find (about getting better or over SA) and then post them here for you guys to read.

 

[sweetpea]

eating in public / fear of choking

I too have difficulty eating in public and think that I'll get something stuck in my throat and not be able to breathe.

I think it's from being very anxious about being with people and thinking that they are watching me while I eat. This causes a dry mouth and throat and the real possibility of not being able to swallow food.

What I've found that helps is to:
1. drink while I am eating food (before I've even swallowed the food)
2. make sure the food isn't too dry (i.e., french fries without ketchup)
3. not eat if it's just hors d'oeurves or something; it's always so messy to deal with food when figuring out how to talk to people is hard enough!

Side note: You may think that no one else feels anxious like you do in social situations, but in reality, about 95-100% of the people in the room feel some measure of anxiety.

I was recently with some upscale/upper class people at a dinner (yes, scary), and I sat next to this guy who made a lot of money and was dressed impeccably and had flawless manners. However, during dinner, I saw his hands trembling, he spilled his drink onto the table at one point, and he dropped food on his lap and on the table. It was interesting to see that someone who seemed, on the surface, to feel no anxiety and to be completely sure of himself, was perhaps more anxious than even I was.

 

[SuicidalChick]

I fear almost everything you listed,i dont get the phone anxiety too bad-it just depends on whose on the other line.

I have a hard time eating in public and i have choked before when i was on a date and it was very embarssaing for me as i felt silly and had to run to the toilet and my date thought i was throwing up.