I just don't know anymore..

[ohheybbyitscorixx]

I'm new to this site, but it seems like people here have an understanding of what I'm going through. I've always had trouble making friends. Throughout my high school years, my anxiety was so bad that I locked myself in my room for pretty much years (except to get food or go to the bathroom). Now that I'm 20, I feel lost. I don't have any family to talk to (because they are abusive) except for my 13 year old sister. I have a boyfriend, but he is pretty much in the same boat as me. I can be entertaining, but I also have depression to the point where I can't talk to someone for a few weeks at a time. I moved out here to Los Angeles 8 months ago. I was excited at first, but then realized I know NO ONE here. I'm not picky with friends, either, which is what is so depressing. Is it really hard to ask for a friend that isn't sexist, racist, or homophobic? Someone just to do things with you? Someone to be there for you when you are down, and try and do something fun with you to cheer you up? Someone who doesn't think you're odd because you have depression or OCD or a bad childhood? I don't know anymore. I'm the type of person to literally make someone cookies and take them somewhere when they are depressed, but I've found finding someone to give a crap is very hard to find. My current friends are from back in PA, and they never even did anything with me. And don't get me wrong, I've TRIED to make plans, but they are the type of people that are always too busy to hang out with you but make time for everyone else. I'm sick of being the person that no one wants to hang out with, but they hang out with all of these other people. It's just making me feel so worthless. I do tend to be depressed a lot, and people have told me I need to get rid of my issues in order to find people. But how on Earth am I supposed to help myself with no support? When I'm social, a lot of my issues go away. But I've had a hard life, and I don't think talking about it every now and then is a bad thing. One of my major issues when meeting people is them asking about my life. When I give honest answers about my family, they seem weirded out. For example, if someone asks about my family, I try and say oh I just don't talk to them much. But they will keep asking and asking and when I am honest about them being abusive, they stop talking to me? I understand making first impressions and not being desperate at first, but it seems I keep meeting the type of people who keep pushing and pushing until they get an answer about things from me, and then they don't want to talk to me anymore. What the hell am I supposed to do? Lie? I'm pretty straightforward with my past. Now that I've learned to accept all the bad things that happened to me, when someone asks about it, I feel no shame or guilt in giving a short answer about what happened. Does anyone else feel like they have to lie about their anxiety, depression, or past in order to even get the chance to meet new people? Does anyone have any advice? Please no "just be positive". Being positive can only go so far before you feel like you are lying to yourself.

 

[Section_31]

Welcome to the forum .

Im sorry your friends treated you that way. Unfortunately i too have found its a common PITA in society. You'll find alot of people here who will probably knod in understanding.

Again, welcome.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

If you're looking to make new friends, maybe you should look into finding groups or clubs in your area. Try to find a club that has to do with stuff that you can really relate to or enjoy doing, like depression or abuse groups or maybe a group having to do with your hobbies.

Well, I guess the shock factor may be the reason that people cut things off with you. I'm not exactly sure, to be honest. I do have to lie about how I feel about myself in real life, so that people (the ones around me anyway, which isn't much) will want to hang around me. However, I still put people off; maybe I'm not as good a liar as I think. I mean, people generally want to hang out with people who are happy, so that they can be happy. If they come across someone who's sad or unhappy, then that sadness becomes transferred to them through empathy and they avoid them because they know that they will be dragged into the problems of the sad person and might become sad themselves. So, they escape the "sad area" and try to find the "happy area" to counteract the first.

My advice would be to not bring it up, if you can help it. Like, if someone asks about your past, then just tell them that you'd rather not talk about it at the moment. Later on, when they've gotten closer to you, then, if they ask, answer the question.

Anyway, welcome to the forum!

 

[HeadFace]

We're both in about the same position - except I moved in a year or two ago. I'm not sure on how to make friends but I'm sure some folk around here have some idea... The friends I have over here almost never do anything with me. It's not that I don't want to either. I'm actually the one who usually brings it up. And one basically admitted to me that the reason they didn't want to hang out was because some other friends invited them somewhere else. And yes, that is after I've already invited them weeks in advance. But you just need to dump these people straight on there ass.
Anyway at least you have your boyfriend! Do you guys spend a lot of time together? Make friends together, so you don't feel the anxiety of doing it all alone or seeming desperate.

 

[ohheybbyitscorixx]

The Lone Gunman-I see this kind of stuff happen to people without any sort of mental problems, so it's even more frustrating when you have them. I keep wondering what's a person supposed to do? Thank you for reading what I had to say.

DeadmanWalking-I am thinking about trying depression groups. I know of some free ones out there. It's just so frustrating sometimes because I've come to a point in my life when I'm learning to accept myself, deal with my past, and really TRY, and yet people seem put off even if they hear the word depression or anxiety. Thank you for the advice so much!

HeadFace-The irony is I have a boyfriend but I'm looking for friends! A lot of people out there have all the friends they could ever want/need, but they don't have a significant other. I guess I sort of lucked out in that department. The bad news, though, is he has even more social anxiety than me. His current friends are complete A-holes, and we both just want to start over and find nice people, you know? My boyfriend and I live together, and it's not that I don't like spending time with him, but we need other people to be around. We both come from abusive families, so we really have no one but ourselves to rely on, which is just not going to work if both of us get depressed at the same time. I've decided to stop talking to my current "friends", and start new. I figure I'll be lonely for a while, but I'm hoping it won't be for a long time. I'm afraid of being alone, you know? Thank you for your advice on making friends with him, that might help.