It happened again.
I was at the gym doing my own thing when an attractive woman caught my eye. I've seen her before but we've never talked. We exchanged some awkward smiles as we passed each other. Shortly after, she approached me and introduced herself. I tried to make some conversation but that feeling of anxiety started creeping in yet again. It got to the point where I actually had to walk away. It wasn't completely awkward but awkward enough. I felt like a complete ****. As I went on with my routine, I had this sudden realization. "I'm going to be like this forever..."
I'm 30 years old and this is something I've struggled with all of my adult life. For whatever reason, my brain simply shuts down in situations like this. Fear is all I know. I continue to watch people around me moving on and getting married while I'm starting to feel more hopeless about my future then ever before. What is it inside that makes me so afraid to open up? I just don't know anymore.
My normal routine would be to sit around and just wallow in self pity but honestly... I'm so so tired of that.
I need some advice. I want so badly to overcome these fears. I want to experience the same happiness of those around me. In a nutshell, I just want to be me for once.
I was at the gym doing my own thing when an attractive woman caught my eye. I've seen her before but we've never talked. We exchanged some awkward smiles as we passed each other. Shortly after, she approached me and introduced herself. I tried to make some conversation but that feeling of anxiety started creeping in yet again. It got to the point where I actually had to walk away. It wasn't completely awkward but awkward enough. I felt like a complete ****. As I went on with my routine, I had this sudden realization. "I'm going to be like this forever..."
I'm 30 years old and this is something I've struggled with all of my adult life. For whatever reason, my brain simply shuts down in situations like this. Fear is all I know. I continue to watch people around me moving on and getting married while I'm starting to feel more hopeless about my future then ever before. What is it inside that makes me so afraid to open up? I just don't know anymore.
My normal routine would be to sit around and just wallow in self pity but honestly... I'm so so tired of that.
I need some advice. I want so badly to overcome these fears. I want to experience the same happiness of those around me. In a nutshell, I just want to be me for once.