I need to get this off of my chest.

[Anonymous]

I have many things that I would like to just write about in this message because I feel that I need to have them out there to help me feel better. Here it goes. I am 19 years old, male, and am a sophmore at college. As I look back on my life I realized that I suffered from anxiety and social phobia pretty much my entire life. In the past 2 or 3 years is when it has gotten really bad. I have a really difficult time talking to people in any kind of setting. I get nervous in class, 1 on 1 speaking, group speaking, you name it I will feel the anxiety and panic coming on. I have talked to my parents about this and they have been very helpful. I found out my dad suffered from some anxiety problems himself so he has been a very been help for me. The one thing I do feel blessed about is how I have such a loving family. I couldn't ask for anything else in terms of my family. Anyway, my social phobia and anxiety has competly crippled me and I avoid doing a lot of things because of it. Taking certain classes, going to certain places to eat or shop, talking to certain people, etc. Some people I can talk to fine, but others I am strucken with absolute fear. I managed to put together some decent grades in my first year of college, avoiding making any presentations though. I do not have a lot of friends which really makes me sad. I used to have tons of friends as I grew up. All of sudden people just starting growing apart from me and I was left with not too many. That is not to say that a lot of people don't say "Hi" to me or know who I am, but I just don't have those close friends. I would say back home away from college I have 2 maybe 3 people that will call me. Mainly 1 person will call me. We are growing apart now though because he got a job and met a girl there and some other people that he is friends with now so we are losing touch. At school it is kind of the same deal. I am have roommate who is nice, but has a girlfriend that he is with 24/7 so I really don't hang out with him much. I don't care for his girlfiend that much either. I have some people that call me, but not many. I have to call people many times just to get invited anywhere. I do not like to do that because it makes me feel pathetic. I have a lot of trouble just meeting different people. I do not just go up to people at parties and start talking to them and asking them if they want to "hang"some time. I am writing this tonight because I was not invited out again to hang out and it really makes me feel hurt. I have hurt other people in the past by making fun of them, teasing them, excluding them, and I feel so horrible about it. If I could go back and do it again I would do everything so much differently. I think I treated some people very poorly and it hurts me to think that I did that. I do not like the school I am at now because I think it is very overpriced and I have really no friends/girlfriend or social life. I am looking to transfer, but I am not sure if it is that right decision. I do not know if I want to transfer for any good reasons. I feel I am wasting my fathers money and I am letting him down. My parents helped me put together the apartment I am in and I would horrible if I told them that I am going to transfer now after this year. I know they would understand, but I would still feel bad. They want me to do whatever makes me happy, but I think no matter where I am or what I do I am going to be unhappy unless I make changes. Maybe I should transfer, but it should be when I clear minded and thinking straight. Not because I got excluded from going out again so now I need to transfer. I have a bad problem with motivation too. I have tried a ton of anxiety/social phobia cures and can't stick to any of them. I just ordered the Linden Method and am trying to stay with it, but I keep procrastinating and putting it off. I am very confused about life. I am constantly trying to be just like someone else. It makes me feel good for a short period of time copying the way someone else is as I precieve them. For example, I have tried to copy everyone from my brother to a coach I had. I want to be someone else for some reason. The only thing I truly know is that I am not content with my life or where it is going. I am lost and feel helpless. May God be with us.

Well for anyone that actually read this looooong message in its entirety, I greatly appreciate it! Even if you don't respond to it I just needed to get what and how I was feeling out there for people to read. Thank you for your time.

J.A.

 

[Anonymous]

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^^Hi. I wanted to let you know that it was strange reading your post. At times, I felt as if you were describing my life. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but I'm lost for words.

 

[Anonymous]

Yes, you just described a period of my life.

Sometimes you have to touch the bottom to re-define your life... most importantly, be yourself, it is very important for social phobia.

It didn't bring me milllions of friends or hanging out every day, but then you realize that is not so important... what is its that you are happy with yourself.

 

[Anonymous]

There is an answer

Holy shit that was like reading Remembrance of Things Past. But as to the...confession or whatever that was...you have anxiety, paranoia, you avoid situations and people, you feel uncomfortable, you're depressed, you don't know what to do, you feel like a freak, you're not living the way you feel you ought to be, you're confused and it's all wrapped up in some kind of self-consuming black hole of inertia...good God man, here's what you do. Take all the things in your life which caused that confession, make a list of them, put them all under a heading labeled "Must" and then STOP IT. I hope my STOP IT! therapy has helped at least someone here. I think we, as a society, can really just cut to the chase when it comes to all these newly found disorders and what not. A good dose of old fashioned "FUCKING STOP THAT!" always sufficed when it came to getting the human race through all of our trials and tribulations. I'll stop by here occasionally to further help anyone who needs it.

 

[crashmodem]

i know exactly how you feel dude. Except i am working in a high stressed job, whih prevents us from socializing with others. I am no good at meeting other people either.

I find life very stressful in itself.