I think I have AvPD?

[Azumel]

Hi, I'm new and I'm not entirely sure if I have AvPD.
Some days I'll wake up with lots of motivation (though by the time I get to class I've usually started analysing and I can't think properly).
I talk to people only if I know them if not I have to wait for them to talk to me and avoid them. Usually I find that other people don't make much effort since most of them already have friends and thus don't need me.
There used to be a time when I'd avoid any situation involving too many people, and most situations where there would be more than one person who I didn't know. I still do on and off. I have a couple of friends and even when they invite me out I still have a tendency to say no ( I used to be fairly popular when I was 17 and I lost a lot of friends this way) so I spend most of my time indoors trying to distract myself from anxious thoughts.

I know it's the worst idea to avoid these situations because I crave socialising but it's just easier. I think I can deal with rejection alright, I'm used to it, but I seem to think that if I get too close to someone I'll let them down by not having enough experience one way or another. I seem to just totally seize up and speak really quietly when someone new speaks to me and I'm constantly worrying for the first week or two what it could be that they want to take from me.
Also where money is concerned or I'm booking holidays I let things slide, avoid paying bills and rent sometimes and I have no reason to be doing it I just worry.
If I feel like a friend is ignoring me (which can either be true or not) I start to have panic attacks. I get scared of being alone for good and yet I seem to be ensuring that I will be.
like I say I'm not sure If I have AvPD because it seems to be on and off. One moment I'll be ok nothing but minor worries I can handle, then the next I'm having a panic attack. It started when I was 18, I think I've got better now I'm 22 and I've decided to fight, although it's not going entirely well at the moment.
Thanks for taking the time to read

 

[Darryl]

Welcome Azumel,

I wouldn't want to guess if you do/dont have Avpd, the best person would be a psych to give you a defining answer.
Maybe armed with the answer,the fight maybe a little easier?

Kind Regards Darryl

 

[Azumel]

I went to a doctor and he ran blood tests etc, told me there was nothing wrong with me then got diagnosed with cliche depression, offered me tranqs and packed me on my way. I went to get counseling and sat in for a session or two but he made me feel as though he wasn't listening and that he didn't care so I stopped bothering.
I had a psychiatrist before who concluded there was nothing wrong with me, that I just thought differently, but I'm not sure that just thinking differently separates you from people this much, particularly when you crave company so much. I've never been one to hold much trust or faith in people, (particularly Doctors after a few incidents,) that way they can't let me down.
Maybe it is time to give them another chance, always a chance to at least build on some coping strategies. I've done a lot of reading and researching in the past four years and it certainly sounds the most likely

 

[Darryl]

Go back to your GP and ask for another referal.
As the last few WEREN'T right for you.

My pysch more than likely thought the same about me, as I was happy to see her and she wasn't getting the "real me".

I believe with any social disorder you need someone who is compassionate.

I know it will be hard to go back to the doc after being prescribed Medication, but it will show him or her that you need to talk.

Kind Regards Darryl

 

[Azumel]

Usually that someone compassionate is a friend, but I think I annoy the ones that I have left (I probably would right?) not sure the difference between what is realistic or being overly self critical or whether they are the same thing these days.
I point blank refuse any medication after getting a full body rash before one of the only nights I was motivated enough to go out, and getting severe panic attacks when I took light sedatives. It's all in my head after all I can't just take pills and hope for it to go away the world doesn't work like that.
I live on an island so I'm not sure how many counselors are around, I'll give it a shot though it's worth fighting for to get my life back (even if I can't get the past four years back)

 

[Feathers]

Hi!

Just curious, if you have found any good strategies?
I think I might have it too, not sure.. (and anti-meds too..)

Today I just told my parents if they bug me to do something, I'm most likely to rebel. So they told me I must stay in house all day, lol!
(They usually bugged me to go outside for a walk/jog/exercise...) I also researched on another online forum what motivates people for exercise/walks or such, and found many hate it too, lol.. And then got myself out of the house..
We'll see if it works tomorrow, sigh..

About being sociable, hm.. Why would you need experience at 22? You have it at 70, I guess!!
Maybe you need some new/different people? Or a structured environment like Toastmasters or a class or such? (Where you don't have to socialize if/when you don't want to..) How about travelling to another country or such?

I can relate to being popular sometimes being a pressure (I was never hugely popular, but maybe in some ways a bit, and it felt - odd, lol!) or not wanting to disappoint people.. I think it may have to do with boundaries too.. For example, you can say you are not comfortable discussing certain topics or just be mysterious or be busy if other people want you to do/disucss things you're not comfortable with...
If you don't know the people well it's good to be careful at first, to get to know them well..
You're lucky to be able to deal with rejection and criticisms well. I think I have trouble with that.. Wishing you luck on the way!

 

[coyote]

Azumel and Feathers - we sound alot alike.

I've been dealing (unsuccessfully) with most all of the same things my whole life - I, too, just discovered recently what's been going on with the whole AvPD thing

let me know if you find some things that work for you!

 

[Feathers]

lol Coyote, I call it the 'Rockstar Syndrome'! (not sure if must go start trashing hotel rooms now?? )
Only recently heard it has a 'name' too..

There's a lot of rebellion in rock'n'roll, and you can channel this energy in (hopefully possibly) constructive ways, but sometimes it can really interfere with your life, if you actually want to do something and rebel against it, lol!

I think I'm learning lots of really useful things from this forum, from other people's posts.. Apparently it can be different for different people..

As for socializing, it totally depends on attitude and the kind of people, I guess, and if you have any common interests/reason to talk about things.. I've never been able to do 'socializing for socializing sake'.. (I just found it boring somehow. I could connect with people through eg doing theatre or projects together or such more easily..)

Anxiety can be totally related to nutrition and energy levels, at least with me.. (And thought patterns, journalling may help...) I just think a problem about socializing here is that I live 'in the middle of nowhere' and there aren't many good opportunities for structured socializing.. (if you don't go to church much or play volleyball)

Sorry if I'm not making sense, too sleepy now... It makes sense in my head somehow...

 

[coyote]

I know what you mean - it is difficult to play volleyball in church.

 

[Feathers]

lol!! You are right!! Thanks for shedding some perspective!!