Viper11
New member
Hi, Im new, My name is John. I don't think anyone will reply to this, it will be kinda long. For the past Year I have had unwanted thoughts of death and homosexual images. These thoughts have made me feel like I'm in a daze, or not real, like im just watching someone elses life. I don't know what triggered me to feel like this. When the thoughts started to happen, I don't know why i did this, but I started to do superstitious things. Like they made me feel better if I did them. Example, I ALWAYS have to wear my watch or I think i will get homosexual thoughts, and thoughts of death. I always have my bathroom rug straight before i close the door and i must have the shower curtain pulled back. I always try to beat cars to a certain place, like if i get to my mailbox first, i wont have bad thoughts. I feel so bad sometimes, i can't trust anyone, i told my brother once, and he just said i was gay because i get those thoughts, My parents say its just a phase, i cant tell my friends or they'll just make fun of me, i can't tell anyone about it, it hurts me so much, i just want to be a normal person who dosent feel like this, i want my old life back.