Anonymous
Well-known member
hi, i think i am crazy. i'm 16. it's summer. i have a math final that i missed to take but i've been putting it off for a month. my parents keep nagging me to get my permit. i'm terrified just to take the written test. i went to fill out a job application at a store and felt sick after. i knoe they'd never hire me. if they did i'd die.
i stay locked up in my room. but this is what i do. i feel weird telling people this, i've never told anyone...i actually force myself to stay awake all night...i do this because the next day i feel less trapped. less shy. i'm too out of it. and i also stop eating for days. when your so weak you can't think about how pathetic you are.
i only have 1 friend and she's just a jerk who could care less about me. i feel like i'm going insane. i mean i don't even know if i'm socially phobic or not but i know there's somthing wrong with me.
i want help. i want it so much. i mean the truth is, i want to die. always and every moment. i pray, when crossing a street that a car will hit me and this will be over with. i'm such a loser. i hate myself. if i got help maybe just maybe i could change my life. i doubt this very much. i keep thinking about telling my mom and asking for help but what can she do? she won't believe me or she'll keep a hawks eye on me.
omg if just one person read any of this, thank you. thank you so much. i'm writing this and crying and it's past 6 in the morning and i'm not gonna sleep. it's been bottled in me all summer. thank you so much.
i stay locked up in my room. but this is what i do. i feel weird telling people this, i've never told anyone...i actually force myself to stay awake all night...i do this because the next day i feel less trapped. less shy. i'm too out of it. and i also stop eating for days. when your so weak you can't think about how pathetic you are.
i only have 1 friend and she's just a jerk who could care less about me. i feel like i'm going insane. i mean i don't even know if i'm socially phobic or not but i know there's somthing wrong with me.
i want help. i want it so much. i mean the truth is, i want to die. always and every moment. i pray, when crossing a street that a car will hit me and this will be over with. i'm such a loser. i hate myself. if i got help maybe just maybe i could change my life. i doubt this very much. i keep thinking about telling my mom and asking for help but what can she do? she won't believe me or she'll keep a hawks eye on me.
omg if just one person read any of this, thank you. thank you so much. i'm writing this and crying and it's past 6 in the morning and i'm not gonna sleep. it's been bottled in me all summer. thank you so much.