I Try My Best....But

[NVN]

I like to think that I try my best to "overcome" my "problems" but it seems like my best is not good enough. For example, forming relationships is something that I am working on. Especially with women since I am a single guy (26).

I work alongside a lot of different people every day and I always make the effort to say Good Morning or How are you doing.... anything to incite some form of rudimentary conversation.

The problem seems to be that my best just is not good enough. Am I not interesting? Throw off bad vibes? I don't know what it is, but people just seem to want to avoid me. I probably appear weird because I am shy by dammit I do try my best. This is just so frustrating to me.

Any advice for someone who is trying? Thoughts on why women detest me?

Seriously, I have had SEVERAL times when I will say Good Morning to a woman where I work and she will just look at me and not say anything in return or stare at the floor and walk past me. Am I that REPULSIVE??? Its not like I stalk them and hound them for conversation.

Oh well.

So frustrating...

 

[da_illest101]

what i realized is that people simply don't care. It's not that they hate you they simply don't care. When that happen to me i simply let it go, in life not everyone will care about you so why bother caring about them. You should try with those who answer you, those who don't forget about them with an attitude like that pay them no respect. If everyone is like that then F them all

 

[geekyloaner]

I like to think that I try my best to "overcome" my "problems" but it seems like my best is not good enough. For example, forming relationships is something that I am working on. Especially with women since I am a single guy (26).

I work alongside a lot of different people every day and I always make the effort to say Good Morning or How are you doing.... anything to incite some form of rudimentary conversation.

The problem seems to be that my best just is not good enough. Am I not interesting? Throw off bad vibes? I don't know what it is, but people just seem to want to avoid me. I probably appear weird because I am shy by dammit I do try my best. This is just so frustrating to me.

Any advice for someone who is trying? Thoughts on why women detest me?

Seriously, I have had SEVERAL times when I will say Good Morning to a woman where I work and she will just look at me and not say anything in return or stare at the floor and walk past me. Am I that REPULSIVE??? Its not like I stalk them and hound them for conversation.

Oh well.

So frustrating...

M and you both I am the opposite I hid myself in my extrvertedness and sadly had a wife and only two girlfriends before that. I'm 24 and you know I stopped worrying about it personally live for yourself I haven't dated in like 3 years or had sex i know peeps TMI but it needed to be stated. Just live I will probably end up alone which is fine as long as I have someone to talk to its rare for me to be friends with anyone.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

I like to think that I try my best to "overcome" my "problems" but it seems like my best is not good enough.

What specifically has trying your best to overcome your problems consisted of so far? Have you already tried therapy, medication, religion, change in diet & exercise, meditation, etc?

 

[bigcat1967]

Am I not interesting? Throw off bad vibes?

Try a little CBT here. Instead of thinking the above two thoughts - correct them with "I am interesting" and "I give off good vibes". Keep replacing bad thoughts with good ones.

 

[cosmosis]

Many times the best way to make conversation is not to try, but to let go and just go with it. It's reverse logic, but its the way outgoing people communicate. If people detect that you are forcing conversation all the time, its a major major turn off. I'm sure there is nothing wrong or boring or repulsive about you...people are just much more comfortable around people who arn't trying to control, but naturally go with the flow. Many times waiting for other people to initiate the conversation is like a cool tease and way to get people interested in you...make them think you are have something they need to go after.

The more I don't care (But not act scared) the more people are turned on (women too). The opposite is true as well, the more you try...the more you show you are scared, the more you force things, the more people will try to avoid you. The effort to be social is wasted if its directed at control (anxiety is control)..it needs to be directed at not caring about others thoughts and letting go.

 

[Tuukka40]

I think if people are flat out ignoring you you might be mumbling, not making eye contact, etc..doing things that make them unsure whether or not you are talking to them. Flat out ignoring someone (especially someone they don't know/have no opinion on) is something that not many people do. And if several people are doing it I would guess that what I stated before is the reason. Not because they hate you for no reason.

Even if someone who I don't find interesting says hi I don't think "jeez, this guy is so boring I'm just going to keep my head down and keep walking."

 

[BlackPuma]

Sometimes ''trying'' is not enough.

When we try, we give our mind the option of retreating to our comfort zone. Anxiety, in our case. It requires an unconditional commitment where you say ''I'm GOING to do this''. No ''but's'', ''if's'' or ''maybe's''. Find yourself thinking negatively? Correct it.

A big part is also in recognizing where your fault lies, and where those of others do. For example, that lady not saying ''hi'' back to you. It isn't your shortcoming, it's hers. You greeted her, a sign of good will, she didn't acknowledge it, avoiding goodwill of others. A negative response to an initially positive remark. Her not acknowledging your greeting can mean a number of things;

• She could be having a bad day.
• She could just be tired/not fully awake yet.
• She could've been somewhere else with her mind at the time.
• She could've been not paying attention.
• She could even be someone whom is afraid herself.
• And so on, she's a person too, has the same problems and makes the same mistakes.

Of course, we tend to blame it on ourselves, but when you look at it factually, considering that the other person in question is also a flawed human being, it's statistically unlikely that it was you that is to blame. You showed good will toward this person, from that point it's no longer in your hands. She doesn't answer, not your fault.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Try a little CBT here. Instead of thinking the above two thoughts - correct them with "I am interesting" and "I give off good vibes". Keep replacing bad thoughts with good ones.

Ah, so that's what Obi Wan was doing at Mos Eisley. Just using a little CBT.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I like to think that I try my best to "overcome" my "problems" but it seems like my best is not good enough. For example, forming relationships is something that I am working on. Especially with women since I am a single guy (26).

I work alongside a lot of different people every day and I always make the effort to say Good Morning or How are you doing.... anything to incite some form of rudimentary conversation.

The problem seems to be that my best just is not good enough. Am I not interesting? Throw off bad vibes? I don't know what it is, but people just seem to want to avoid me. I probably appear weird because I am shy by dammit I do try my best. This is just so frustrating to me.

You know that you are shy, but you have to keep in mind that others don't necessarily realise that and shy behaviour can be misinterpreted by others. It can be mistaken for aloofness or people can think that you are just not interested in speaking to them. I'm sure my shyness has offended people in the past, who have taken it to mean that I think I am "too good" to talk to them. In fact, I know for a fact that it has. ::

You do say you always make an effort to say good morning though, which you deserve credit for. I think many of us know how difficult even something as seemingly simple as that can be.

Any advice for someone who is trying? Thoughts on why women detest me?

Seriously, I have had SEVERAL times when I will say Good Morning to a woman where I work and she will just look at me and not say anything in return or stare at the floor and walk past me. Am I that REPULSIVE??? Its not like I stalk them and hound them for conversation.

Oh well.

So frustrating...

Perhaps if your shyness has caused them to form a negative initial impression, then that is the problem? It's difficult to say for sure, because none of us know what's going through other people's minds, any more than they know what's going through ours. I don't think you should think in terms of "detest" and "repulse" though, as apart from anything else I am sure it isn't true. Why would anyone feel that way about you? You'd have to actually do something detestable or repulsive to engender those sorts of feelings, which you clearly haven't.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Sometimes ''trying'' is not enough.

When we try, we give our mind the option of retreating to our comfort zone. Anxiety, in our case. It requires an unconditional commitment where you say ''I'm GOING to do this''. No ''but's'', ''if's'' or ''maybe's''. Find yourself thinking negatively? Correct it.

A big part is also in recognizing where your fault lies, and where those of others do. For example, that lady not saying ''hi'' back to you. It isn't your shortcoming, it's hers. You greeted her, a sign of good will, she didn't acknowledge it, avoiding goodwill of others. A negative response to an initially positive remark. Her not acknowledging your greeting can mean a number of things;

• She could be having a bad day.
• She could just be tired/not fully awake yet.
• She could've been somewhere else with her mind at the time.
• She could've been not paying attention.
• She could even be someone whom is afraid herself.
• And so on, she's a person too, has the same problems and makes the same mistakes.

Of course, we tend to blame it on ourselves, but when you look at it factually, considering that the other person in question is also a flawed human being, it's statistically unlikely that it was you that is to blame. You showed good will toward this person, from that point it's no longer in your hands. She doesn't answer, not your fault.

Seriously... great post. I've come to realize if I can assume a completely negative reason, I can also assume a positive one. I tend to try to cancel the two out, there's multitudes of reasons Puma said as to why. It's not your fault, you aren't repulsive.

Ah, so that's what Obi Wan was doing at Mos Eisley. Just using a little CBT.

You can say what Puma's been saying, as Yoda said, "DO. Or do not. There is no try." Seriously, Yoda knows his stuff =)