I'll never be a criminal!

[iamantisocial]

You see the news. On the radio, on the television, on the newspapers... Youve seen it so often... whenever a criminal gets dragged away in handcuffs... be it a rapist, a pedophile, a gangsta, or what have you...

His parents... especially his MOTHER is the only one with a different opinion than the others. Everyone in the courtroom looks at this criminal like a scum... like a trash... like a waste of human life...

but his MOTHER says otherwise. "He's a good son... blablabla" "He'll never do that!!!" "My son is innocent!!!" etc... etc... etc... Even with overwhelming evidence of the son's guilt in the crime, mommy always says his son isnt bad and tries to make excuses for him. Sometimes, mommy begs the judge to throw her in jail instead of her son.


Whenever I see stories like that in the news, I wonder... if ever I was that criminal being led away in handcuffs... WHAT THE FUCK WILL MY MAMA SAY when she gets interviewed by the press...

Pfft... she's not gonna say good things about me. She's not gonna make a saint out of me... she's not gonna paint a picture of me being the one who is sentenced wrongly or misunderstood, or whatever excuse!

SHE's GONNA VILIFY ME LIKE THE REST OF THE JURY!!! SHE WILL DANCE HAND IN HAND WITH THE JUDGE AND POINT THE FINGER AT ME... THAT I'M GUILTY!!! I'M FUCKING GUILTY!!! THROW HIM IN JAIL!!!

Why did I say that?

Cuz right now I'm NOT a criminal and yet my very own mother spills shit all over me!!!

She doenst love me!!! I dont feel love from my mother!!! Every single fucking time I can remember she always was a first rate bitch to me!!! When I was younger and easy to beat up, she would beat me with a belt or with a slipper... and dig her nails into my fucking ears. They bled at times but pfft... she doesnt care about that? This sadistic bitch continued this shit! Physical and verbal abuse!!!

She talk shit about me to her friends. That I'm a waste of life and all that shit. It hurts!!! IT FUCKING HURTS!!! MY OWN MOTHER HATING ME!!!

One time when I was 12 years old, there was this kid in school who bragged he was a karate blackbelt and then he started saying shit about my mom. He called her a prostitute and all the nasty things you can say about someone's mother!!!

Normally, other guys will AUTOMATICALLY PUNCH YOU (or headbutt? Zidane!!!) in the face if you say such horrible things to their mothers. But me... it wasnt automatic. I had to think through it...

I still punched that bad kid for saying shit about my mom. And I ended up pretty hurt and my school uniform torn. I did that because I wanted to conform to the other kids. I did that because every other dude I knew whose mom got shit talked automatically goes berserk and destroys the one who said shit to their mother.


But now I dunno. I want to hate my own mother but I cannot. I still have a little honor code in me that tells me that its WRONG to hate your own mother.

But thats mom for me. I cannot stand her. I cannot even talk to her for fucking 5 minutes without shit hitting the fan!!!

So what I do is I just pretend she's a nice mom. I pretend that she's a loving, caring, understanding mom... like what I've seen in 50 Cent's movie "get rich or die tryin".


Its still fucking painful. Whenever I realize that I am just lying to myself and pretending that mom is kind that mom is loving... that mom is good.



So... I'll never be a criminal because I will not expect her to come visit me and support me and deny the evidence against me just because she loves me and shit!

So thank you mom. I'll be a good citizen.

 

[maggie]

hiya imantisocial..bummer how it is between you and your Mom..that's sad..and probably doesn't help your anxiety. I can relate..a little..my Mom was a bully..big time...she was abusive..and liked to yell a lot..when i lived at home, i couldn't wait to move out..and now, that i have my own house.. we get along a little better..but i still feel a lot of resentment deep down and don't talk to her a whole lot :roll:

 

[iamantisocial]

[UPDATE!!! Mom really pisses me off!!!]

Just 5 minutes ago, mom and dad were arguing and mom was screaming a loooooooooot louder than my dad.

And then out of the blue, she blamed dad... and blamed HIM why the hell am I such a fuck up...at least in her opinion... I dont do drugs, I dont do illegal shit... and she compares me in the same group as the street thugs. I know how a street thug thinks like. They dont give a fuck and they can do really crazy shit and become violent. They are capable of spending $1000 in 1 hour on drugs and alcohol without thinking twice!!! I AM NOT LIKE THAT AND YET SHE GROUPS ME IN THE SAME CATEGORY!!!


Like she said that I inherited my bad behavior from him genetically or something.

Good thing my dad didnt blow up. I would SNAP AND CHOKE THE BITCH if I was him. I kinda want to see him do it to mom. I wanna see him SLAP HER HARD and let her hit the floor. And if she will call the cops and press charges on my dad for wife brutality, I will gladly testify FOR MY DAD. I will defend him in court if ever that happens.


But I feel kinda guilty for thinking these things. I dunno. Me and my stupid honor code


Dad can be a dick... but he is more tolerable and I can have meaningful discussions with him sometimes. Dad can be a dick... but when someone shit talks my dad, I will automatically harm that person. Dad can be a dick... but at the same time HE KNOWS HOW TO BE A PARENT!!!.

Not like "mom" who is just TOO MUCH! I cannot fucking stand her I swear!!!

God I wanna leave this fucking house!!! But dad is here and my brothers who I kind of love... and dont forget my granny WHO KNOWS HOW TO BEHAVE LIKE A REAL MOTHER!!!. Granny cries whenever I tell her the shit I feel about my mom. She doesnt like to see the family get destroyed! So I dont tell her about it anymore. Cuz I love her and I dont want her to feel pain. I dont wanna spread my shit to her. BECAUSE SHE IS A REAL MOTHER!!!