I'm back

[Chilling__Echo]

grr, so the last three weeks have been horrible. i posted problems with my b/f before i left and we did end up breaking up just to get back together in a week. i still feel we are unstable now but i can only hope we work out. and if not think positively.

To all of you who's posts included depression, that's something i've never truely expierienced until now. that week that we were broken up i've never felt so down and since i'd isolated myself at school (he lives at my home an hour and a half from my college) i was truely alone. there's alot of hours in the day.

well anyway i'm gonna try not to make this long, i'm better now, guess i needed to hit bottom to come back and i'm still getting my life together, trying to find a job, trying to go to clubs at school (though with only three weeks left its pointless), i'm planning on volunteering at a no-kill cat shelter and i'm going back to church as well as going back on the paxil (no more sex life for me) and finally seeing a counselor for my self-esteem and anxiety.

i still wake up and being instantly hit with a pang of the anxiety and my stomach goes in knots, i have to sort of convince myself that "i can do this" to get going and i'm fine. anyone feel that way? but anyway, as i was saying to all you who really are depressed i feel you, and the last thing i want is to go back to where i was. i fear that feeling again and i hope that you all get the help that you need for yourselves because life doesn't have to be dark. and sorry to yall who's pms i've not answered! 8O

 

[Colin]

That is the word, pang! I get knots every morning that last throughout the day. It takes a split second before it kicks in. Some mornings I think it is gone but then it hits me five seconds later.

 

[Yossarian]

Sorry to hear you've had a bad time. Hope things work out for you. Relationships are always gonna have bad patches. It's how you deal with them that count...probably, like I would know lol.

Sounds like you are taking positive action. Good idea. Best of luck to you.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

thanks yossarian! sometimes it's just so easy to give up and say fuck it but i had to learn the hard way that that's not benificial in the long run

hey masterpiece2, i was going to quote something of yours but everything you said was quotable so i'll just leave it with saying thanks for replying, it's great to know that i'm not the only one out there when i feel like my emotions are going to be the ruin of me! 8O

with anger, i think just the fact that i almost lost the most beautiful thing in my life because of it, it kind of "cured" me for the time being. in order to be with someone you really need to have your ducks in a row and my were deffinately not! but i think anger is just as damaging as depression is and i wouldn't take back anything that happened for a second. i took alot from this ordeal. sure it was just a breakup, everyone has those, who am i to be immune? but it really illustrated alot about myself that i want to change and am working on changing. and most of all, loving yourself is a cure for everything, but the lack there of can be just as drastic. i'm not sure if any of this makes any sense or if you can relate but that's my dating advice i guess there's someone out there, and we never know who's going to come along. thanks for your encouraging words!