That's one of my biggest insecurities, but I don't see 'boring' as a fixed personality trait either- neither is close mindedness for example. Interesting is in the eye of the beholder, and I'm still coming to terms with how having low self-esteem often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I would love someone whom I had put a pedastal to reassuringly affirm me, but those scenarios only exist in fairy tales... even people who are conventionally interesting, expressive and at ease have people who dislike and judge them for being boring. The difference is they keep giving regardless of who accepts them and eventually like attracts like. My problem is I get discouraged too easily and I cope with stress by conserving energy.
I guess I wouldn't want to impress people too much the same way I don't want to be too ambitious, people will come to expect more and I just don't have the energy to sustain it.. One of my friends told me I had lost my spark and it just made me feel hopeless. It's like I've lost all vitality and I've given up trying to communicate. I don't think I'm depressed but I could imagine what it feels like.
I'm so used to having tight inhibitions that I don't even know what it means to 'freely express myself' anymore. irl I tell myself there is no point, no one will understand, I don't need it that much and its not worth the risk of embarrassment, because most of all: I don't feel like it.. but of course there's that nagging feeling in the bottom of my chest that wants to connect boundlessly and wholeheartedly. I know it's not impossible, but what would it take for me to crawl out of my comfort zone? I don't know how to let go, improvising has never been a strength, it seems spontaneity only exists in my head. Maybe I'm only suited for quiet rocks as companions like myself unless I learn to trust myself more.