dannyboy65
Well-known member
My life is very busy lately with school to be a nursing assistant and all. Where to begin. Well first of my closest and best friend is becoming distant I barely see him or talk to him now and he hangs out with my brother more then me now. I'm beginning to actually be distant to everyone, I barely talk to anyone. I have no confidence at my on the job training, every morning I go I have panic attacks. I'm being ignored by my peers at school, they never want to talk to me and it's a struggle to work with them as well. I'm failing tests at school too and my teachers are giving me warnings.
I recently started smoking again and I've been doing it more and more each day cause my anxiety feels like its through the roof. But no the biggest issue I feel is my relationship. I am so confused with it. We barely talk anymore, when I am staying at her place she just sits at her laptop and works and I play a video game or something. We cook and eat alone, and sit in silence all day. A part of me wants to end it with her but another part doesn't cause she seems to really care about me. She told me though that she probably will never want to have sex or children and those are 2 things I want and I don't want to sound like a **** or pervert. I just feel sex is a natural thing for relationships. I also don't find her funny, in fact I find her humor immature and childish. It comes to a point where I fake interest in her things.
God damn it I'm getting so tired of this. I'm taking my meds but I'm getting sick of them too. I'm tired of taking anti-psychosis meds and I'm tired of taking anti-depressants. In a few weeks (if I make it) I will be working at a mental hospital. Where people have schizophrenia, bi polar, depression, anxiety, all like me. I feel I should be in there with them cause I'm breaking I feel it. I don't even find joy in helping other people anymore and that was the only thing keeping me going.
Why don't I end it.... Why do I keep trying to tell myself it gets better when all it does is get worse.... I should listen to the voices and just kill myself but no there not real, I just have to keep telling myself that. But how long till I completely lose it and live in one of those damn places.
I don't know where to go now in life.... I don't have a purpose..... I am not happy with my life.... Where do I turn now?
I recently started smoking again and I've been doing it more and more each day cause my anxiety feels like its through the roof. But no the biggest issue I feel is my relationship. I am so confused with it. We barely talk anymore, when I am staying at her place she just sits at her laptop and works and I play a video game or something. We cook and eat alone, and sit in silence all day. A part of me wants to end it with her but another part doesn't cause she seems to really care about me. She told me though that she probably will never want to have sex or children and those are 2 things I want and I don't want to sound like a **** or pervert. I just feel sex is a natural thing for relationships. I also don't find her funny, in fact I find her humor immature and childish. It comes to a point where I fake interest in her things.
God damn it I'm getting so tired of this. I'm taking my meds but I'm getting sick of them too. I'm tired of taking anti-psychosis meds and I'm tired of taking anti-depressants. In a few weeks (if I make it) I will be working at a mental hospital. Where people have schizophrenia, bi polar, depression, anxiety, all like me. I feel I should be in there with them cause I'm breaking I feel it. I don't even find joy in helping other people anymore and that was the only thing keeping me going.
Why don't I end it.... Why do I keep trying to tell myself it gets better when all it does is get worse.... I should listen to the voices and just kill myself but no there not real, I just have to keep telling myself that. But how long till I completely lose it and live in one of those damn places.
I don't know where to go now in life.... I don't have a purpose..... I am not happy with my life.... Where do I turn now?