I'm so naive...

[Chilling__Echo]

ok, this is a rant, i'm sorry. i'm so frustrated.

so here's the background. i'll try to make a 3 yr long story short

so i was with my bf for 3 years, but we broke up in june. we'd broken up to take a break in december, and march and last march i had another guy i'd known and been attracted to since i met him 2 years ago come in and came out with his feelings for me. i had to choose, and i went back with my old bf.

well now that it's over, i wanted to start things with boy #2, and he was more than willing, we go to a couple of movies, we talk for hours in the night in a car, he put his arm around me, and we kiss. that's it.

then, the other night he says "i know the girl i want to marry" and he starts talking about an ex gf from years back that he hasn't seen since then. my airplane was shot down.

and after that, it's like, i was so dissapointed b/c i felt like we were starting something.

since then he's become more bold. he doesn't want to kiss me anymore, but let's just say he's become more bold...

this guy also constantly talks about getting drunk, and getting high and sleeping around with all these girls, and i do mean constantly. when we're together i can't help now but to feel like a piece of meat. in march he claimed that he wanted a relationship and wanted to straighten out his life, he's almost done with college and he really needs to grow up. and he knows it.

now it's like he's gone back to his old ways and i never got the memo. our on the way to dating turned into what seems to be nothing but pure lust on his end.

in the meantime, my ex bf has started dating a really good friend (ex friend really butthat's a whole other can of worms) from high school 2 WEEKS AFTER WE BROKE UP. but that sounds a bit hypocritical.

so now, when ever i'm with boy #2, it's like my mouth is filled with everything i feel needing to come out, but i can't help but feel like he'd laugh and feel i was naive for thinking he'd want to be committed. he actually TOLD me the other night that he has committment problems.

so i feel so naive, even wanting to tell him how i feel. and then i feel like if he did only want sex, he'd lie and say he wanted a relationship just to get in my pants (though i'm not like that).

i'm mad that if i pushed him away, our friendship woud drop when i really enjoy his company. i'm pissed that i feel like he's being the stereotypical guy. i'm pissed that i'm falling for him anyway. i'm angry that i'm so close to having something with him and yet it seems so far from being anything worth going for.

am i being naive thinking that there MIGHT be something there worth giving a try? i go to college in august anyway, and he'll be an hour and a half away from me even if he was dating material. i feel like i don't need to be tied down when i go back, being tied down last year really was bad for me. i wanted to start over fresh.

or should someone just slap some sense into me? feel free to just tell me that i'm being stupid and naive trying to think that he'll become something he's not...

arrrrrrgh well if you made it this far reading this, i appreciate your intrest. i'd love some advice from anyone, sorry for the long post and all the whining

 

[Sue]

hay its sue

my ex girlfriend dumped me 3 times and i still wanted her back. its hard to get out of the reutine of being with someone you have been with. sorry i dont know if this is relevent. i think it all depends on what you want in a person and how you would like to be treated by them. if you think it is worth a shot go do it but dont be with someone who is going to be sleeping around and giving you all the details. its hard enough trying to make sense of everything as it is. sorry if this wasnt relevent.

 

[Yossarian]

then, the other night he says "i know the girl i want to marry" and he starts talking about an ex gf from years back that he hasn't seen since then. my airplane was shot down

I'm sorry I'm confused. Who said this? The guy you are seeing at the moment? Are you dating someone who wants to marry someone else? I'm no relationship expert but that doesn't sound healthy to me.

Anyway he sounds like a cliche to me. It's hard to get the full picture from a post. No matter how well described it is only ones persons perspective. To me it comes across as you are trying to fill a hole left by your last split. Maybe he's an ass, maybe he's cool but I think you might want to think about taking it easy for a while. Get over all the left over emotions so you can see this potential relationship with a clear perspective. Eh, what do I know lol. If ever you're unsure about someones intentions it's good practise to take your time with them I reckon.

Shit England have just lost two wickets

 

[Chilling__Echo]

the guy i'm "seeing" now. he's the one that said it. but like i say, i don't know what he means sometimes. he says alot of things.

and yeah Sue, it seems very relavant to me, thanks for you input. like Yoss said, i'm probably just trying to fill a void. i'm afraid i've become "one of those girls". i see it more and more everyday. my emotions are just all over the place

 

[Yossarian]

I don't think it's a good idea if your emotions are all over the place to get involved with someone with whom you can't work out where you stand. I think you should cool it for a while. You sound pretty vulnerable at the moment, get some stability emotionally, sort yourself out etc. Then maybe see how it goes then. If he's a decent guy he should understand. If he cares about you he will wait and want whats best for you.

 

[Cryptolysergick]

Hmm just find hermit guys, we arent that bad

 

[Yossarian]

Hmm just find hermit guys, we arent that bad

God damn right! wise words crypto....although I may be a little biased

I reread what I said again and sorry if it seemed a little blunt CofE. I'm a bit blah at the moment. You seem like a top blokess, I'm sorry you're feeling like this. You deserve better than to be a notch on someones bedpost. I'm not saying that's all he's after. It's just as I said before people are very vulnerable when they just come out of a relationship. Look after yourself, I hope number 2 turns out cool.

 

[black_mamba]

am i being naive thinking that there MIGHT be something there worth giving a try?

No. You are naive if you think a person will change their personality for a partner (as it is the case that it rarely ever happens) but it would not be naive of you to feel that you MIGHT have a chance of getting along with this boy#2 personality unchanged.

i go to college in august anyway, and he'll be an hour and a half away from me even if he was dating material. i feel like i don't need to be tied down when i go back, being tied down last year really was bad for me. i wanted to start over fresh.

I take it by college you mean a university? (Sorry but 'college' in the UK is where all the dropouts go to).

Argh. Ok, lets be honest. You seem like an intelligent & mature young woman and the thought of a person like you attaching themselves to a boy such as that makes me cRiNgE. My first boyfriend was similar to your boy#2, not as extreme but similarly insensitive and indifferent towards me. From my experience its a waste of time and self-esteem in the long term.

Anyway, going to college as a single woman can be a hell of a lot of fun!

:twisted:

 

[crazyfairyx]

I'm in college, so great to hear I'm a drop out... hmm odd opinion if you ask me seen as how I get better grades than most people in school...


Edit: Not grumping I was just messing above, but re-reading it I do see how it could be taken wrongly, should have used emoticons

Chilling, it sounds like this guy is just playing you, I'd really take a step back and take another look at the situation before you decide if you think you really want to be with someone like this.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

I reread what I said again and sorry if it seemed a little blunt CofE. I'm a bit blah at the moment.

nah, you're being realistic, something i try to do all the time. thanks for your kind words

and thanks for all your replies. i think right now like mamba said, i'm feelin going to college (university yes, haha i graduated) a single mama and livin it up. i think i have to REthink my standards... :roll:

 

[FruitLooPs]

Chilling, it sounds like this guy is just playing you, I'd really take a step back and take another look at the situation before you decide if you think you really want to be with someone like this.

Yeah thats how I would interpret it too.

Chilling Echo, did you probe what he meant by the marrying thing? thats pretty insensitive on his part, surely he isn't so stupid as to not realise how that sounds in your shoes. Assuming he does know how that sounds, then it sounds like he is playing you if his heart is in other places to his pants.

Oh and going out with someone after 2 weeks away from a long term relationship is nothing. I know a friend who dated someone for several years, broke up and got his next girlfriend the next day and has been with her for several years since. 8O

If only I knew how he did it hehe :?

Another thing, time after a breakup is probably the best bet like everyone else said. I've seen women do some pretty bizarre things dating wise straight out of relationships, I almost become a rebound (not that I would mind lol)

this guy also constantly talks about getting drunk, and getting high and sleeping around with all these girls, and i do mean constantly. when we're together i can't help now but to feel like a piece of meat.

And finally, I think this should be ringing alarm bells. You feel like a piece of meat around him? The answer to this thread is right there IMO.

If you spend enough time around someone you will end up falling for them or having a close bond, that would be exaggerated more by you just leaving a relationship. It sounds like you know in your head its not a good idea.

He openly admits and/or brags about sleeping about with women, I would question whether he has used this changing personality line in the past.

Seems dodgy to say the least, take a step back and see how it pans out.


Then again, theres a reason why i've never been in a relationship in my life :wink:

 

[Angie_05]

I reread what I said again and sorry if it seemed a little blunt CofE. I'm a bit blah at the moment.

nah, you're being realistic, something i try to do all the time. thanks for your kind words

and thanks for all your replies. i think right now like mamba said, i'm feelin going to college (university yes, haha i graduated) a single mama and livin it up. i think i have to REthink my standards... :roll:

Good idea. I've dated a few guys like your boy #2 and I can say none of them ever changed. I think when you're dating someone who can potentially be a boyfriend, you will know it right away, no questions. The agony of wondering what the hell he's doing is not worth it. Lots of cuties in "college" (in the U.S., universities can be colleges, but colleges can't be universities, and I DID graduate...lol). Just be cautious of future boy #2's.

 

[Remus]

boy #2 is a player, trust me, get rid

theres nothing but heartache down that route

 

[Chilling__Echo]

well, it's been another week or so and i've stopped everything that was beyond friendship, now he doesn't appear to want anything but still continues to want to hang out. we still do things but i think it will stay like that. i think he's a good guy at heart but isn't ready to settle down and i'm sure he knows that's what i want. so this is for the best anyway

i really hate being single. i feel like i'm back in that "limbo" of wondering if i'll ever end up with anyone long term. arrrrrgh i hate it! but it's all good. i know i'll grow out of this phase, thanks for all your replies and bearing with it so far. i just have to feel ok by myself.

 

[Sue]

better single then in a really bad relashionship. hang in there you will be fine plus you are doing yourself a favour. i hate being single but im waiting for the right person. dont care if it takes me years i think its worth it.x