Improving Social Skills

[Karail]

Hi All,

Through out my life i have always been very bad at socialising. I always seem to say the wrong thing, I dont really know the do's and dont of good conversation and small talk is like rocket science to me. However i do not belive that it is impossible to learn social skills, i believe that like any other skill i have aquired in my life these skills can be learn't, even if it is hard to do because of the years of doing things wrong. There is a problem tho, unlike learning to program, dance or balance a spoon on your nose there is no manual or teacher that i can easily learn these skills from ( ok, there may not be many teachers for learning to balance spoons on your nose ethier but you get my point lol).

So, at the moment i am trying to devise and list of things i can do to try and improve my social skills. Here of some of the things i am trying so far:

- Joining Forums and Community's on the Internet (like this one 8))
- Trial and Error ( sometimes very painful but very effective )
- Improving my range of Interests

Does anyone have any others ideas that they are trying at the moment?

Also, if anyone knows a good website for learning to balance spoons on your nose i would greatly appreciate it ... j/k

 

[bluenow]

I have noticed that very outgoing people smile a lot. Showing their teeth smiles. I've been trying to work on it.
Another thing I am practicing is to laugh out loud easily, instead of a quite smile. People don't read my mind and don't understand I might find something hilarious when my response does not show it.
So that leads me to another thing. Showing appropriate responses. Being shy makes my face into stone. Even if I voice responses, the face and body langauage has to match.
Good luck to you Karail.

 

[dzerklis]

i'm genius in balancing spoons on my nose lol

 

[jamez]

I think choice of career is important. I could choose a career that matches my profile, shy and introverted but it doesn't really interest me. I'm in the process of trying to look for something atm that we need me to be more outgoing, friendly whatever.

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

Do you find that small talk actually bores you?

 

[Karail]

i'm genius in balancing spoons on my nose lol

Please teach me all you know lol

Do you find that small talk actually bores you?

I dont find it bores me if i actually like the person as it can often lead into a more deep conversation however if its someone i am not to keen on I dont see why i feel i need to talk in order to be comfortable

 

[verylonely]

I hate socialising because I am not very good at it.

But I know it really is a matter of being comfortable with yourself, and being assertive, and knowing that its ok to be different.

But I can't seem to put these into practice.

I wish there was a book or a course on social skills.

 

[Shyguest]

Hi,

I agree with the statement about people with sa needing to learn to feel at ease with themselves.

 

[Nytro]

ive done alot of research on books for improving socializing skills,
I am starting to just read them now but you can pick these up on amazon or half.

The New Secrets of Charisma , Doe Lang

How to talk to anyone 92 little tricks for big success in relationships, leil lowndes

Nonstop Networking, Andrea R. Nierenberg

Charisma seven keys to developing magnetism that leads to success, Tony Alessandra

the networking survival guide, diane darling

going public, hal milton

 

[Karail]

hi guys, thankyou for all your feedback. i am definatly going to try some of these ideas / books out.

One thing i have found since posting is a neat program called freemind, it free and it allows you to jot your throughts down as you think them in a nice brainstorm sort of way. Its great for putting a plan together wether it be getting over sa or your plans for world domination *evil laugh*. Its really helping me plan my actions for getting through this.

Also i am thinking of starting a website with free information about improving social skills so that there is a website out there that can help. Hopefully as i collate this information it will also help me get better. So if you have anything you would like to add or have any ideas pm me or e-mail me at [email protected]

* message checked 4 times, see my other post lol *

 

[relaxed_attention]

I hate socialising because I am not very good at it.

But I know it really is a matter of being comfortable with yourself, and being assertive, and knowing that its ok to be different.

But I can't seem to put these into practice.

I wish there was a book or a course on social skills.

I agree with verylonely. One thing I know for sure is that when you’re talking to a person, put yourself in their world. Most people like talking about themselves. When I was in the grocery store the other day, I mentioned to the cashier about the bad music that he had to listen to. He laughed and told me that it repeats every 28 minutes. So it works. Now, since most of us SA people are super sensitive, we tend to live in our own worlds and analyze everything we do so this is a huge obstacle for us. But just try it and ask questions. Also, don't afraid to be yourself. We're all different and if you fake your personality it will show through. Easier said than done, I know. But being a good listener is about 80% of it, coming back with something that relates to it is the small part. I have such a hard time listening when I'm talking to someone b/c I'm worried about smiling and what they're thinking of me so I don't listen to what's being said.