Is confidence really that attractive?

[Ventrilotwo]

Hi, I'm a guy and I really want to know if girls think it is. Personally I think confidence is just behind arrogance and I think that's the most unattractive thing. I'm a math major and I get some of the top marks in my university class, this is no easy feat. But when I talk to people I always say "I'm in math" and if they say something along the lines of, "oh you must be so smart," I say "not really." Or if they say "what kinda marks do you get?" I say, "fine." I think it would be boastful to say "I get all A+s" But is that what girls want? It's just so disgusting to me. I'm not a practicing christian but there is some good lessons in the bible, suchas humility is a virtue and pride is the most deadly sin. The only time I might bring up my grades or awards is when someone is talking about theirs and I find it insufferable.

I really don't think I'm better than anyone else but at the same time i don't think most people are better than me so i choose to try to be humble... God... Maybe i just don't know what confidence is.

 

[Tab]

don't be naive, math is smart, dont be an idiot

 

[Ventrilotwo]

there's a ton of people far smarter than me, why would i say i'm smart? If i was one of hte people who's work i read about in my text books i might say i'm smart.

 

[Riiya]

[Monthly post deletion.]

 

[lyricalliaisons]

It sounds like you may be getting "confidence" confused with "conceitedness"... there's a huge difference. If you were to feel proud of yourself & about your math skills (or anything else), it's not the same as bragging about it. If you were bragging/boasting about it.. then that would make you look conceited & that is very unattractive.

The last thing someone should really want is someone who's unconfident. Because I'm so quiet & awkward in public, I come across that way &, because of that, I attract very creepy people. The only people who are truly attracted to someone who is (or, appears to be) unconfident, is someone who is not worth being with. Psychopaths, abusers, & all kinds of others like that are attracted to people who come across the way I do. That doesn't apply to everyone, but to the vast majority.. yes.

 

[coriander2008]

I think you are confusing confidence and arrogance. There's a fine line between the two.

Having a quiet confidence in yourself, and being happy with who you are is attractive, arrogance usually isn't!

 

[ventriloone]

Smiling is part of confidence? I don't smile cause I'm not happy, not because I'm not confident. Maybe they're related but they're not the same.

 

[Bexi]

I think you are confusing confidence and arrogance. There's a fine line between the two.

Having a quiet confidence in yourself, and being happy with who you are is attractive, arrogance usually isn't!

Very true, listen to this post

 

[durda_dan]

that not what people mean by confidence. to be confident "what you talking abot" is being able to speak your mind, not to be afraid of what people will say, to go to that girl you like and tell her how you feel. or to be able to do something you put yourseflf too, for instance going t get a job, you dont want to talk boring to them, so you make yourself confident, chin up, quick answers.
being confident in all aspects of life doens't have anything to do with school grades, my grades were awful, But i'm a fairly confident person int he sence that i can say what i want and not worry about getting shy or hiding from cowardice.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

When someone says "you must get good grades", they are inviting you to make a comment about your grades. So they can't call you arrogant for telling them you get straight A's, if it's the truth.

I think you're confusing two types of confidence. There's the confidence in your mathematical abilities, that you can do the work and do it better than most people in your class. Like you can walk into a calculus exam and believe you're going to ace it. And you know 99% of the world population wouldn't feel that way, but you do because you've done it before. It sounds like you've earned the right to have that kind of confidence.

And then there's the "confidence" that your abilities will help you in social situations. Like girls are going to give a shit. I mean, would you ever walk up to a girl in a bar and say "I can integrate better than 99% of the world population" (which is probably true) to try to impress her? My guess is that you wouldn't. If things like that worked in bars, you would probably be out scoring right now, or at least you would have more success with the opposite sex than you seem to. I know I would be.

 

[ventriloone]

Well not to sound arrogant it's obviously higher than 99% but i'll ignore that.

The problem i have is when girls say they like intelligence... They don't, it's a lie. If i'm anything it's atleast intelligent, atleast i'd like to think so. But they don't give a shit, i don't blame them for not giving a shit just i wish they woudln't lie about it. I guess it's just something girls say to not sound shallow.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Wow - you do sound arrogant. Not for that remark which to me just sounded like dry sarcasm which is my kind of humor - but you're whole tone throughout this thread. There's more to intelligence than being 'smart'. Women say they like humor, but how many women horde themselves over Jon Lovitz? Not many... humor alone, like intelligence alone won't do anything great or isn't solely attractive it's an ASPECT of attraction.

No one can rely on one single aspect of themselves. At least not singlehandedly. Now I'm no love guru and have my own deep seeded issues on attracting the opposite sex. But there is a difference between confidence and conceitedness (arrogance). Sometimes it may be a fine line sure.

 

[Ubersonic]

What you need sir is a good ol' pickup line, mathematician style!

"I'm not being obtuse, but you're acute girl."

 

[Havocan]

I'm a math major and I get some of the top marks in my university class, this is no easy feat. But when I talk to people I always say "I'm in math" and if they say something along the lines of, "oh you must be so smart," I say "not really." Or if they say "what kinda marks do you get?" I say, "fine." I think it would be boastful to say "I get all A+s" But is that what girls want?

Don't they differ between "street smart" and "booksmart" nowadays? I think street smart is what girls want and not someone who could outcalculate Einstein {don't know how good you are, but you're better than me }.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Don't they differ between "street smart" and "booksmart" nowadays? I think street smart is what girls want and not someone who could outcalculate Einstein {don't know how good you are, but you're better than me }.

Yes. You've hit the nail on the head.

Q. What's purple and commutes?
A. An abelian grape!