I've had enough, can you help me.

[kc69]

EDIT: WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE RESPOND IT WOULD MEAN ALOT TO ME
I wrote a just wrote a really long post and it dissapeared so im just starting this thread off if anybody could take a little time to read my post and mabye help me out I would appreciate it alot, hold on tight this is going to be a long one,

peace and good luck everyone

p.s. don't let the b*st*rds grind you down

here we go

EDIT: PLEASE COULD SOMEBODY RESPOND

 

[kc69]

this is the first time I've looked for this kind of forum and at lest the first three or four were empty and even I had to laugh.

I've suffered from really bad paranoia and social anxiety for about seven years now and when ever I try and tell anyone they don't really understand it can often come and go without any warning which really makes my life difficult, I make plans with people to go somewhere or do something and I look forward to it but most of the time when it comes up I feel like crap and don't meet my friends or stick to the arrangements i've planned. My anxiety is so overwhelming at time that I've quit college twice (I know it sounds funny but it isn't when it's you'r life being screwd up) sometime I can't even bring myself to answer the phone or the door.

Because of my anxiety I've lost contact with friends, relatives and girlfriends and I'l be honest with you sometime I feel pretty lonely.

 

[kc69]

rescently I've noticed that I drink quite heavily to feel comfortable in social situations and I know that this is not healthy.

Most of the time the only time I socialise is on a friday and saturday night when I go out with friends and go to clubs the thing is when im at the clubs I drink (which is ok but I often overdo it) I feel more relaxed. Most of my friends think Im a very confident guy and some even call me a little cocky when im there I'm quite sociable I talk to people, dance and often get quite a lot of attention from girls.

When I feel calm and relaxed (not always drunk but quite often) I can be very sociable I have intresting conversations with people and flirt quite lot and I feel compfortable with myself.

 

[kc69]

The problem is I slip into severe bouts of depression, I have no intention of taking any anti depresants one of my parents used to take then aand atempted overdosing several times and eventually hung themselves this was basically when my social problems began.

 

[kc69]

after my mother hung herself I changed dramaticaly,before that I was very out going and now I only really open up and only a little under the effects of alcohol or drugs Iwant to be a balanced person I'm tired of these constant ups and downs I want to get a job and not be crippled with depression and anxiety everyday wondering about all the bad stuff that might happen tomorrow, my mother hung herself when I was 12 and know im nineteen and I have spent those seven years isolating myself from people and Inow it seems normal.

About to days ago a girl who I know and really like and get on with very well phoned me up and invited me around to her's but I just couldn't go outside I was to anxious.

 

[richkid]

You need to see a counsellor or tell some one NOW this was a good start. I applogise I didn't read the whole thing but from what I gather your clincally depressed and there is no shame in admitting that. Drinking will not solve the problem and may make it with as it is stimulate i.e effects your mood (sorry to be patronising). The fact your mother hung her self has caugt up with you I fell this is the real issue and needs to be sorted, the SP is an onset of this depression effecting your self esteem.

Go to your GP or whatever get help its there for you to use. The confidence you had is still there it just needs a wake up call.

 

[kc69]

I went to couseling soon after it happened but to be honest I don't think it really helped alot, don't worry I'm not suicidal I figured out a long time ago that I was just to scared to do that.

p.s. thank you for replying

 

[kc69]

It's just I want to be normally fucked up like the rest of the normal fucked up people I don't want a big house or a flash car I just want to get on with my life.

 

[Anonymous]

Hi

I'm sorry to hear your story.
My only advice is that talking to a professional could help a lot.

Have you read the stories of other people. Check them out. Very helpful!
I hope it gives you hope.

I have no friends. But I have too many hobbies to occupy my life and to keep the depression away. I'm learning computer programming, piano, drawing, etc from the internet.

I have gone to many kinds of forums. Replying my thread means a lot to me. If people doesn't write anything, I start to imagine how suck I am etc and you shouldn't feel that way because you are not.

Good luck.

 

[kc69]

It's strange I haven't thought about it alot for a while until today because it became normal, but I'm not nearly as bad as I used to be I mean at least I get moments when I'm the more real me, some people here seem to be like this all the time and I used to be. It's just that when I look back on it I could have done so much more if I wasn't so anxious I don't want sympathy or pity I just want to get on with my life and do things that I enjoy doing without being paranoid about all thebad things that might happen.

@nervous do you ever meet anybody through you'r hobbies or go out somewhere to do some drawing. Are you any good on the piano? I trying to learn to play the guitar, I'm crap but I enjoy it (musics good for you it takes you'r mind off things).

 

[kc69]

I've just really had enough and I'm determined that I am going to change things I don't want to look back on my life in a few years and realise that I've held myself back from doing things that I enjoy.

Coming here has turned me around,earlier on I was in one of my really bad phases but im feeling a ittle better so while im feeling reasonably ok im going to try and keep it going for as long as I can and if I go back down again which I know is inevitable Im going to do my best to try and turn it around.

Just a quick question I get really nervous when I'm in a shop at the till and I get worried that people are starring at me and when I was really bad I used to start shaking I mean really shaking, I used to grab the reciept as fast I could so people wouldn't see me shaking and try and get out of the shop as fast as possible does anyone else get this (trust me that wasn't the alcohol I'm not that bad :lol: )

This forum has really given me some hope, so tomorrow I'm going to drag my unemployed ass to the job centre and some employment agencies and make a start (a good friend who I almost alway feel relaxed with has promised she'd go with me) weather I want to or not, I might not get any work but it's a start.


best of luck to everyone

kc

 

[Anonymous]

@nervous do you ever meet anybody through you'r hobbies or go out somewhere to do some drawing. Are you any good on the piano? I trying to learn to play the guitar, I'm crap but I enjoy it (musics good for you it takes you'r mind off things).

In forums, yes. There's a fine arts forum called WetCanvas. People are very nice there. All you can find there are compliments.

In fact I suck at piano - I am learning. But I am good at trombone. I am in a jazzband and IT'S SCARY TO PLAY SOLOS IN FRONT OF HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE!!!

I wish I could see a doctor. But unfortunately my mom doesn't let me because she doesn't believe in psychologists.

 

[kc69]

would you feel compfortable going to a psychologist on you'r own? What about you'r band mates how do you get on with them, it must make you feel pretty good when you'r playing together.

 

[Anonymous]

Re

Thank you kc.

would you feel compfortable going to a psychologist on you'r own?

I am scared and my parents would notice.

What about you'r band mates how do you get on with them, it must make you feel pretty good when you'r playing together.

Actually... I don't. I just play my instrument - lame excuse for not talking with them.

But I will be talking like a normal person next year. I will try.

Thanks again kc.

 

[Anonymous]

Re: Re

it must make you feel pretty good when you'r playing together.

That's right.