gdg21
New member
Hello im new to the forum and decided to share my experience because quite frankly i can't seem to share this with anyone else. So to begin with, i am a very introverted individual... i have been for such a long time.
I'd have to say when i hit puberty i became a lot more introverted than most people that age were. I would find excuses not to hang out with my friends or not leave the house and this and that, but it wasn't as bad as it is now. It was a lot easier for me to hide it back then because my parents would push me to go out or my friends would just find a way to make me feel guilty, so i'd go out but i'd say it would be 3 times a month? Then i'd completely dissappear with my excuses on how im "so busy" when in fact i just wanted to be left alone... For me, it has developed a long the years and has gotten worse which lead me to write this.
My parents don't believe anything is wrong with me, and they get me to second guess myself. But when i step back and look at my life, i realize i am not ok no matter the effort i put into distracting myself from always having these fears. I recentley got my liscence and i turn 19 this year. I graduated high school and i am terrified of starting college in january. I have fears of being out in the open but i've always had that... i've also never had a serious relationship and a lot of other things. i just hide it very well and find myself just staying quiet about things because it's a hell of a lot better than being looked at differentley. I hardly ever answer my fone let alone make calls. Even driving the car is a hassle and i find myself just wanting to be home...
it's the saddest thing ever because no one other than my parents know of my behavioral patterns and they still very much so fail to recognize it. I can't tell my mother anything because she just says i am lazy and i need a job... but i've only had one job in the last four years and i quit because that one was just too stressful for me and i had to deal with a lot of rude people but initially i pushed myself to get that job... and to this day everyone makes fun of me for only being employed for a month. maybe i am lazy, but i feel worthless alot of the time. I don't know if this is agoraphobia [i havent left my house in months], but i do know that i pushed myself to go to the gym the other day all by myself to prove that i wasnt afraid... all i ended up doing was feeling ashamed that i didn't step out of that door. Just going places alone terrify me. It sounds really stupid i know, and my family would say i am being dilusional and im just going through a phase in my life... but this phase is so played out that i can't even hide it anymore, thats what lead me to just saying i have had enough of pretending...
so whats your story on realizing you had agoraphobia? I'd like to hear them =]. Im glad there is a community like this where people can express how they feel because i can't in real life.
I'd have to say when i hit puberty i became a lot more introverted than most people that age were. I would find excuses not to hang out with my friends or not leave the house and this and that, but it wasn't as bad as it is now. It was a lot easier for me to hide it back then because my parents would push me to go out or my friends would just find a way to make me feel guilty, so i'd go out but i'd say it would be 3 times a month? Then i'd completely dissappear with my excuses on how im "so busy" when in fact i just wanted to be left alone... For me, it has developed a long the years and has gotten worse which lead me to write this.
My parents don't believe anything is wrong with me, and they get me to second guess myself. But when i step back and look at my life, i realize i am not ok no matter the effort i put into distracting myself from always having these fears. I recentley got my liscence and i turn 19 this year. I graduated high school and i am terrified of starting college in january. I have fears of being out in the open but i've always had that... i've also never had a serious relationship and a lot of other things. i just hide it very well and find myself just staying quiet about things because it's a hell of a lot better than being looked at differentley. I hardly ever answer my fone let alone make calls. Even driving the car is a hassle and i find myself just wanting to be home...
it's the saddest thing ever because no one other than my parents know of my behavioral patterns and they still very much so fail to recognize it. I can't tell my mother anything because she just says i am lazy and i need a job... but i've only had one job in the last four years and i quit because that one was just too stressful for me and i had to deal with a lot of rude people but initially i pushed myself to get that job... and to this day everyone makes fun of me for only being employed for a month. maybe i am lazy, but i feel worthless alot of the time. I don't know if this is agoraphobia [i havent left my house in months], but i do know that i pushed myself to go to the gym the other day all by myself to prove that i wasnt afraid... all i ended up doing was feeling ashamed that i didn't step out of that door. Just going places alone terrify me. It sounds really stupid i know, and my family would say i am being dilusional and im just going through a phase in my life... but this phase is so played out that i can't even hide it anymore, thats what lead me to just saying i have had enough of pretending...
so whats your story on realizing you had agoraphobia? I'd like to hear them =]. Im glad there is a community like this where people can express how they feel because i can't in real life.