LIttle white lies

[Anonymous]

I've had pretty severe SP for about 4 years now. I go to UNI, but aside from that i never venture outside the house. I haven't had a job, a social outing or even one single, solitary phone call from a friend for all this time (not surprising since i don't have any).

But there are days when i feel some confidence, and i might strike up a conversation with somebody. In the 'getting to know you' chitchat, like what do u do for work etc. i find myself making up litte white lies, in order to cover up my total lack of social and working life. Then afterward i'm feeling, why do i give a crap what this person thinks of me, why do i have to impress them? Nevertheless, i still do it. Obviously, to say "I have SP with agrophobia and don't have much of a life" won't exactly endear you to the other person, and doesn't fit into a conversation all that well.

Does anyone else find themselves forced to do this? Probably everybody does it, particularly when meeting the opposite sex, but i find myself doing regardless of who it is. And no, i'm not a pathological liar. :?

 

[LilMissTragic]

I used to lie about stuff I did, make up little stories about what I did for work or hobbies but I found that trying to cover each little lie got harder and harder. I don't bother any more. I have come to the realistation that i like who I am and if they don't then thats thier problem not mine

 

[Anonymous]

I do the exact same thing Parttimer. Especially when people ask me about my weekend.

I think SP is turning me into a pathological Liar :roll: :lol:

Anyway, I must say lilmiss you are my hero and my inspiration :lol:

 

[LilMissTragic]

Someones Hero, wow cool, Thankyou very muchly

<<<<put her kickers on over her tights and makes a cape out of an old dog blanket!

 

[applesewer]

I’m the same as lil miss tragic. Its easier if you always tell the truth. You can get confidence from knowing you’ve got nothing to hide.

But saying that, I still lie occasionally. I can’t help it. Sometimes it seems so much easier to just tell someone you’re busy and you can’t make it, than to start trying to explain to them how you feel in social situations.

Sometimes telling the truth can be well hard…I guess there are still a few things in my life that I’m ashamed of, or sometimes it depends on who I’m talking to. Like if I’m talking to one of my little sisters teenage mates, I don’t think I’d be so quick to reveal that I knit jumpers for a living! But I guess I find that if I’m comfortable with revealing myself other people pick up on my confidence. But if I’m ashamed then they can hear it in my voice.

Also, fact and fiction isn’t quite black and white, it’s more of a spectrum. You can choose and shape what bits of information you reveal. You don’t always have to technically lie to people! There’s ways around it. In fact, I think I’m becoming quite masterful at bending the truth.

 

[GettingThere]

I used to have a problem with exageration and that was all about wanting to impress and make people think that I was more interesting but I have come to know that that is not necessary and it can make you feel worse because you feel like such a loser to yourself.
I believe that we are more interesting than we imagine ourselves to be (people in general and SP sufferers more specifically) and when we come to believe this of ourselves, it becomes easier to tell the plain truth without the need to "dress it up" to make it appear to be more interesting.
Of course we are the equal of others and our stories are just as interesting although with reduced social activity I guess that we don't do as much in certain areas of our lives.
If you feel bad about telling those little white lies - and this can bother a person - then you could concentrate on talking about neutral things in conversation by which I mean things not involving yourself such as sporting results, current events, etc.

 

[Parttimer]

Shape and mould the information you give out.. hmm. I think i would find that difficult, being that that would take some presence of mind, and focus, two things i lack when i'm talking to someone, particularly strangers!

There are many questions you just can't be evasive about, direct questions like 'what are you up to tonight?', what are u meant to say 'a bit of this and a bit of that?'.

I'm really getting tired of saying 'not much'. Or if i was really honest, 'reading a novel, surfing the web and a bit of exercise'. Not real exciting topics to get conversation going.

So, on the rare occasions i have to answer these questions, i make stuff up. Friends, hobbies, the lot.

I used to be real honest sort of person, too.

 

[Parttimer]

Yeah i can talk about current events, sport whatever and i can do this with some pple. But because its such a neutral topic, it can run out of steam pretty quickly, although i admit i could be better at it.

Also, pples interests vary greatly, so i can't just talk about politics or cricket and football to everyone. Most pple are a bit more 'personal' for lack of a better word. They want to hear about your experiences.

 

[Crimefish]

I never lie. I just don't see the point. If the person doesn't like me just because I'm housebound with several mental and physical illnesses, then we better break off our relationship right at the start so I don't waste my valuable time talking to a narrow-minded person.

 

[Fredscars]

i have a habit of lying because im scared of people not liking me...

 

[Anonymous]

Your first paragraph sounds exactly like me - I've done uni but still haven't got friends or a job. However, I don't think I could ever just strike up a conversation with anyone. I also find it pretty impossible to lie, because that involves acting - something I've never been able to do. I will not fully answer questions, but I never tell lies. Though lately I've started telling a few people about the agoraphobia, and it's helped a lot.

 

[Shadow]

I lie occasionally when people ask me a question I don't want to answer. It's usually when someone asks me what I do for a living or what I've been up to lately. I don't tell big white lies but I lie none the less. Like I sometimes tell people I'm looking for work when I'm really not.

I don't do it as much anymore. I'm trying to start being completely honest, but it's going to take time. Most people in western society tell little white lies when they don't want someone to know the truth, not just those suffering SA.

I suppose you have to have to find ways to tell the truth without spilling your guts. That's obviously difficult with SA, but if you think about it beforehand you can work out what you can say before somebody asks you.

Another good idea is to ask keep asking the other people questions so they don't have much of a chance to ask you questions. Most people feel more confortable talking about themselves and are happy to do it. It's just thinking of the questions and finding the courage to ask them that's difficult.