Male shyness

[KiaKaha]

Very true. Seems like it's that way no matter what you are talking about. It's less about facts and more about feelings.

Yes. Sometimes it is - because nearly everything has some kind of emotional element to it. The problem with this particular argument is that people perceive that anxiety/shyness in women is being downplayed or is not as significant, distressing or as important as it is in men - which is not true. What *is* true is that the perception of shyness and timidity from a cultural and societal perspective is that men who are shy is less attractive and less acceptable than it is for women. We could totally flip this around and use another different example and it would just be the same - except in favour of females.

As I have tried to state before, in order achieve equality you need to treat some people differently - that goes for the issue of male shyness as well as all other kinds of underlying stereotypes and societal injustice.

 

[bleach]

On a positive note, I think I like shy men. It used to be that I'm into the more talkative, overly confident, bragging type but now, my interests have changed. I find myself gravitating towards the shy, mysterious type of guy.

Where can I find a woman like that?

 

[bleach]

Yes. Sometimes it is - because nearly everything has some kind of emotional element to it. The problem with this particular argument is that people perceive that anxiety/shyness in women is being downplayed or is not as significant, distressing or as important as it is in men - which is not true. What *is* true is that the perception of shyness and timidity from a cultural and societal perspective is that men who are shy is less attractive and less acceptable than it is for women. We could totally flip this around and use another different example and it would just be the same - except in favour of females.

As I have tried to state before, in order achieve equality you need to treat some people differently - that goes for the issue of male shyness as well as all other kinds of underlying stereotypes and societal injustice.

Inequality is a basic feature of biology, get used to it. There wouldn't even be evolution without inequality.:thinking:

 

[KiaKaha]

Inequality is a basic feature of biology, get used to it. There wouldn't even be evolution without inequality.:thinking:

That is not the kind of inequality I mean. Cant be bothered explaining. Said everything that I wanted to say.

 

[Lea]

I think a lot also depends on something else than pure shyness. As I once said, if shyness was my only problem but otherwise I was a slut, I could have had already plenty of experiences behind. But I can´t help having some standards, like feeling that to go with everyone isn´t right and besides just casual sex I guess isn´t better than rape, where the man is selfish and doesn´t give a **** about you, if he is hurting you or anything. And I have a hard time to believe some casual acquaintance would care for me beyond that. In fact I don´t even believe anyone could love me at all, this world isn´t a fairytale and is full of cheaters and selfish people. So looking for a decent partner is probably like seeking a diamond in manure. Add to it that I rarely go out so what chances do I have. Haha.

 

[MikeyC]

casual sex I guess isn´t better than rape, where the man is selfish and doesn´t give a **** about you, if he is hurting you or anything..

Casual sex is both parties agreeing to a fling. Rape is not consensual. Completely different.

 

[Lea]

Casual sex is both parties agreeing to a fling. Rape is not consensual. Completely different.

I know perhaps not everyone is just a selfish bastard, but how can you know that if they are a complete stranger. You cannot predict what they can do, they might turn violent or pervert or who knows. I would never agree to a random sex anyway, because as I said, they use you today and contempt you tomorrow & call you slut. It´s only a way to make a tool of yourself and feel bad, cheap and worthless afterwards. At most I would understand if it was for money in emergency, it would give you a little justification of what you just did, but still it takes toll on the personality no matter what, I guess.

 

[BlackPuma]

I know perhaps not everyone is just a selfish bastard, but how can you know that if they are a complete stranger. You cannot predict what they can do, they might turn violent or pervert or who knows. I would never agree to a random sex anyway, because as I said, they use you today and contempt you tomorrow & call you slut. It´s only a way to make a tool of yourself and feel bad, cheap and worthless afterwards. At most I would understand if it was for money in emergency, it would give you a little justification of what you just did, but still it takes toll on the personality no matter what, I guess.

It's smart to not have sex with strangers. It has always sounded strange to me that people did that. I see your point here about not knowing what the said stranger might do. The odds are low that you'd actually meet with a lunatic, but even those small odds are scary. I guess people whom do have casual sex a lot have done it enough to be able to trust strangers.

The concept of casual sex sounds strange to me, I get that people have the need to have intercourse, but with someone they know relatively little? I wouldn't let a stranger handle my money, then why would I let this person handle me. One would think that their body is more valuable then anything. Of course, money is easier to steal then, let's say, other things, but still..

 

[Lea]

I wouldn't let a stranger handle my money, then why would I let this person handle me.

Yeah, that´s exactly what I was thinking too!

And I know I probably exchaggerate a bit with the dangerousness. Sometimes you can say they´re nice or at least not dangerous. Once there was someone who lived in the same house and he invited me for a talk with his friend, we were talking for a long time and he sat next to me, I thought he was cool and felt attracted to him, he probably liked me too, at least was probably surprised that I can talk and am not stuck up as he probably thought. As we were talking he was getting nearer to me and started touching me, I thought he was cheeky. In the end his friend left and as we remained alone, I quickly said I was leaving too. Haha, he must have been pissed, but I just couldn´t have stayed, it was too soon to have anything with him. Anyway I hoped that maybe he talks to me tomorrow, but he completely ignored me, besides was spending time in a room of some other girl who also lived in the house. So, I quite didn´t understand the whole situation. Why is he suddenly acting as if he doesn´t know me, when yesterday we were talking like good friends. I must admit it made me feel pretty bad, also the fact that he was suddenly with some other girl. Is it all about just the bloody sex, otherwise you don´t matter as a person?? So although it hurted, it showed to me that what I did was a good decision. I´d have only made myself laughable, because he really didn´t give a crap about me, at most what he wanted was a little fun with an available idiot.

 

[JackOfSpades]

It's crazy how much this convo is changing and there are so many things I could think to say right now but I wont speak to all of it lol

In regards to why he changed on you, it could have just been he felt very rejected. Maybe that hurt him, made him angry, or even self conscious. It doesn't definitively imply he just wanted sex, to me.

And this also probably cuts along gender lines in some respects too, because as a man, it's doubtful I'd ever be afraid of a woman taking physical advantage of me. So fear of that wouldn't factor into the equation for me.

 

[Lea]

It's crazy how much this convo is changing and there are so many things I could think to say right now but I wont speak to all of it lol

In regards to why he changed on you, it could have just been he felt very rejected. Maybe that hurt him, made him angry, or even self conscious. It doesn't definitively imply he just wanted sex, to me.

And this also probably cuts along gender lines in some respects too, because as a man, it's doubtful I'd ever be afraid of a woman taking physical advantage of me. So fear of that wouldn't factor into the equation for me.

Yeah I know I maybe took it a bit away of topic .

Maybe you´re right in what you´re saying, I guess he thought I was aloof that I left or that I don´t care, maybe he felt a bit humiliated. But still, I guess he wasn´t someone who makes issues of things or dwells on negative crap, he was that extraverted funny easygoing type. I guess he was quite a player (he also mentioned it), and probably picking up girls was natural to him. I still don´t know though how else should I have acted, I don´t think it would be right to stay, but it wasn´t nice to leave either. Btw they all knew I was pretty shy and avoidant, I was talking to that other guy in house sometimes and we used to have long conversations, but I never accepted any of his invitations or offers or having food together or things like this, and I could see he was getting a bit disappointed and pissed with time, I know it is ok to say no once or twice, but I was really acting impossible. (This other guy didn´t want to pick me up, he was just generous latinoamerican and really friendly, he had a gf btw). I should learn to not act like ass all the time . I am an impossible hermit and deserve to be so because I do it myself.

 

[JackOfSpades]

I'm a little difficult too, so you shouldn't be so hard on yourself . And if he talked about being a player too, then maybe you were more right than me. Oh, and you shouldn't have had to say no more than once or twice, like you said you had to. He does sound like a bit of bad news now, to be honest.