Maybe This World Isn't For Us

[Alternator]

I' ve had SAD since I was 14, now I'm 23. About six months ago, I started having feelings for this girl, and since I was tired of being single (2.5 years) I decided to go for it. It was the first time in my life I was going to ask a girl out. And so I did it. And things were going well. On my past relationship, my social anziety didnt really allow me to open up, and I didnt want this girl to go through what my last girlfriend had to go through with me. So I opened up to her, entirely. I literally poured my heart and soul to her. One day when we were lying in bed, she asked me to put into words my feelings for her. It was hard, but I did it. I showered her with compliments. I told her everything about me, even my deepest secrets. Whenever we had an argument, I was the first one to apologize. I tried to help her as much as I could with errands among other things. She had an issue with trust, so I tried to keep in touch, and spend as much time with her as possible. We saw each other just about every day for two months. Her mother had passed away recently, and sometimes at night she would be afraid. One night she called me around 1am saying she was afraid, so I offered to go to her house (it's a long ride by the way) and sleep with her. So technically, I did everything right. I know in my heart that I did. I'm not going to bore with details, but we broke up and she hurt me a lot. She broke a promise and lied to me.

So why did this happen? Why do nice guys finish last? Why does everything have to be so hard for me all the time? Why cant I be treated the way I treat people? I faced my fear, I asked her out, it was something I had never done before. I went to restaurants, I did things I had never done before? Why did she have to shatter my trust again? We're told we have to open up, we have to share our feelings, not keep it bottle inside, but you know what? Bottled inside was a lot better than this. I'm tired of fighting.

 

[Sebastian]

Sometimes, doing our best is not enough. There are other factors, like the other person. This does not mean we have to give up because doing our best simply increases our chances to succeed (like with everybody else). On the other hand, you sound like you exaggerated a little, meaning you might have pushed things since you wanted something different. Anyhow, kudos to you. You were brave. Too bad you encountered a girl with problems (this is why I believe relationships between sociophobics or between people with problems are to be avoided). Take your time to heal and then focus on improving.

 

[tupac]

i feel like this world isnt for us sometimes too man. i mean if we have trouble just going out to buy things or to eat or whatever it might be, theres something wrong with that. it shouldnt be like this. i dont understand why we're like this and other people are not. its not fair

 

[maggie]

many times i feel like an outcast in this world also, cause social outgoing people are everywhere, very free to share their opinions :x ...very comfortable with all the stupid simple things i find painful and almost impossible...pisses me off :evil: ..but also, i think, they must have issues of their own, everyone does...sometimes i have to focus on that to get through another stupid day :roll:

 

[J]

LOTS of dense, half-baked philosophy coming....

Interesting stuff there, Woz, Maggie, Tupac, Sebastian, Alternator... I know what you folks mean. It sure does seem like the world is organized competitively (Darwinistically, even, in nature and society). Loudmouth self-promoters who exaggerate their good points, minimize their bad points, don’t get consumed by guilt stepping on toes, and don’t care about others or what they think of them, naturally rise to the top, the same way that people who cheat at anything else. I say “cheat” because they are willing to take advantage of the nice people, willing to do whatever they can get away with, regardless of the rightness or ethics of it. They’re one reason why we need laws to regulate behavior.

Being basically good should be expected; only exceptional goodness should be rewarded. This works best if the bad is punished consistently. Which it most definitely isn’t.

Ever notice that the ppl with big $$, big power, etc. are almost never ppl who feel guilty a lot, or are considered “nice guys”, or don’t charge obscene profit margins on the fallacy of the rational economic actor (the concept that absolves any evil if ‘the market’ supports it; also known as the famous ethical cop-out, “but this is business”), or don’t believe in pushing others down to raise themselves up?

The other side of the coin: Is there any real goodness or is it all self-interest? If you do Good Thing A because it says so in your god’s book, are you really doing it to be a good person or doing it under the presumed threat of punishment for disobedience? If you do Good Thing B because ‘helping others feels good,’ then are you truly being good or just making yourself feel (and, not incidentally in an image-over-substance world) and look good? Do you do Right Thing C because ‘it’s the right thing to do,’ or because you’re avoiding the pangs of your conscience, the obsessions of your guilt?

In a purely secular viewpoint, there is really nothing but the philosophy of ethics that says we should be good to anyone outside of our little genetic clan. (Contrary to some theologians, and in agreement with Einstein, this is sufficient base to build an ethical life—but one must choose to fo it.) Since being utterly clan-centric is antithetical to civilization as we know it, that’s where laws come in to regulate the aforementioned cheaters. Before that, even, religion was devised as a brilliant way to keeping ppl obedient; if you convince ppl that they have an omnipresent-omniscient-omnipotent judge-jury-executioner whose verdicts are unappealable and apply for all eternity watching them constantly—and even monitoring their thoughts—you’ll have a much more docile population. It’s metaphysical nature also means you can ascribe whatever attributes to this that you like, and even change them a lot, without worry about logical consistency. You can be as absurd as you wish, and simply claim that your deity works in mysterious ways. The greatest hoodwink in human history. But I digress.... (continued)

 

[J]

(cont. from above)

As a former Catholic, and a person with a rather (annoyingly! ) strong conscience (and all the guilt and obsession etc that goes with it), and a person who believes in ethics, I’m sadly realizing that I restrict my behavior to a seemingly higher-than- average level of supposed goodness and ethics that 1> doesn’t get me too far in life 2> leaves me much less free to act than the average Joe who’s not considered a jerk, criminal, cheater, etc. and 3> has no larger significance beyond that gained from being a product of human philosophy (ie no supernatural weight) and 4> is useful within the ‘clan’ but Darwinistically useless, indeed naturally selected against (if Tiger A won’t steal a carcass from Lion B because ‘the lion found it first’, and waits his turn, he’ll have nothing to eat.... no lion will give food to ‘needy tigers’).

No I;m NOT saying “go out and pillage.” And yes, we should be nice, help each other out, be ethical and good (or ‘holy’ if you prefer)... because “we should”? At what point do our principles and need to be perfectly nice and honorable and avoid even the appearance of impropriety at all times (a BIG part of my SA, and of others from what I read here—also why it’s SO much worse an experience than normal for me to actually get in trouble for an actual wrong, no matter how trivial) become a suicide pact, a choice to stay downtrodden and sad and picked on and tossed aside by others, a choice to be wishy-washy and impotent? I guess after all these years I see some slight glint of non-pure-assholishness of meaning in that hated phrase “to make an omelet ya gotta break some eggs”.I mean even the world’s best and most honorable leaders have serious dirt in the closet... If we were all perfectly satisfied with our goodness/ethics/guilt trap, in our reduced life stations, would we still have SA? Wouldn’t we be happy? Is it that we want what every other asshole on Earth wants, but find that just “being a NORMAL person” in our eyes equals being evil? Should we strive for stainlessness to make the absent gods proud, or should we live and let live and get by as well as we can and do as little damage as is REASONABLY possible (as opposed to simply “possible”)? Can you get anywhere in life the way we’ve been operating?

And even if we chose to “break free”, accept the light and dark in ourselves and tread a reasonable bath between them and still live a LIFE instead of just existing, how do we get past all the “shoulds” and “ought tos” and “musts” that only hold us back (as opposed to the ones that hold us back but serve a real purpose—ie it’s GREAT that you’re too nice to murder ppl, but BAD if you’re so nice that you’ll let everyone cut in front of you at the store to the point that it takes you forever to check out, and now the Haagen-Dasz has melted...)

Sorry this was SOOOO long and rambling and philosophical, but oddly enough I was musing on this recently when I saw these posts and decided to write it down. I wonder what ppl think. I’m very conflicted about these ideas I have here. I want to be pure but realize that it’s doing me no favors. One could be somewhat less pure while still essentially being more or less as nice (and being perceived that way) then one has been.

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I've always felt like this world wasn't for me...I've always said I feel like an alien or something. I've always questioned why I exist, and why people, in general exist...when I was a little kid I used to ask my mom & dad that all the time, and I still don't understand why I'm here...to be miserable, I guess. :? I feel like I'm not human, because I've never really known of anyone who's like me...of course now that I'm on this site I'm starting to realize it isn't just me, but sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who has this problem.

 

[maggie]

sometimes i wonder why i'm here on this earth too....every little stupid thing is such a struggle....it's really depressing sometimes....then i think maybe a better day is just around the corner?....hopefully :roll:

 

[introvert]

"Maybe This World Isn't For Us"

I propose we pilot a rocketship into outer space. There must be a planet we can live happily on. Only problem is the cost involved. Does anyone know how to hotwire a shuttle?