scott
Member
hey..
i went to the ER because i couldnt deal with a speech class i had. the doctor there perscribed me some ativan until i could see a primary care physician. the ativan doesnt work well. he labeled my problem as 'situational anxiety.' the truth is i have been terrified of speaking in front of people since the 4th grade, and i still remember the day i realized my problems. I walked to the front of the class to do my report, i was very excited. i got up to the desk, started speaking. the desolate silence and the sound of my voice began resonating around inside my head. i felt stupid, and suddenly i could not talk. I did not know what to make of it, i did not know what was wrong. It felt like a physical barrier i could not cross. This is why i dont believe the bs some people try to tell me about 'getting over it.' I didnt invent this, it just happened.
Since then(4th grade) ive managed to go through school by either thorougly messing up in a class presentation or taking the F. i am also quite anti-social, when people I dont know try to talk to me i sound rude, my vocabulary becomes that of a first grader. I tend to scare people away because of the mean expression i seem to have on my face. i cant say what i really mean. even though i would love to talk to and meet new people i am thoroughly scared of it. It is a facade i keep up so people dont talk to me even though i want them to, a paradox eh. i feel like im in a shell trying to break out, i really dont mean to be so harsh to people, it just comes out that way. Sometimes i am scared of muttering the casual 'here' during class rollcall. occasionally i have hw questions and refuse to ask any other student(especially girls becuase i dont want them to have the impression i am hitting on them when i really only want some class info). I am about to transfer from my CC to a university and i have been holding off this public speech class for a long time. It seems fairly pathetic to me that I may not go to university because I am too scared of speaking and interacting with people, especially large groups. To add to this, I can't read off a paper for speeches this semester, I can only use a small outline. reading off a paper is hard enough, I dont know if i can do this alone.
i use to take my friends adderall(boosts my confidence) for presentations, but i cant depend on some psychotropic drug to help me forever. positive thoughts dont work either, no matter what i tell myself( i have tried many approaches) i still screw up. words dont work. belittling the audience doesnt work either.
To those who want to understand how i feel when i am the focus of attention, I was a kid who lived in Saudi Arabia through the gulf war(we were americans and my dad moved their for a job when i was 2). The first night of of scudding from Iraq was the worst. I was hiding under blankets in our saferoom(just a room in the house with tape over the openings so gas couldnt get in). I was scared that a scud was going to hit our house and I was going to die(several landed a close as 1 mile from us). It seems pretty amazing to me, being shot at with missles is as terrifying as public speaking for me. Pathetic. every class presentation feels like the end of my life.
ive never met someone with the same problems as me, what is wrong?
I have a doctors appointment scheduled tommorow i hope he can help.
scott
PS. ive posted a similar message on another site, just looking for feedback.
i went to the ER because i couldnt deal with a speech class i had. the doctor there perscribed me some ativan until i could see a primary care physician. the ativan doesnt work well. he labeled my problem as 'situational anxiety.' the truth is i have been terrified of speaking in front of people since the 4th grade, and i still remember the day i realized my problems. I walked to the front of the class to do my report, i was very excited. i got up to the desk, started speaking. the desolate silence and the sound of my voice began resonating around inside my head. i felt stupid, and suddenly i could not talk. I did not know what to make of it, i did not know what was wrong. It felt like a physical barrier i could not cross. This is why i dont believe the bs some people try to tell me about 'getting over it.' I didnt invent this, it just happened.
Since then(4th grade) ive managed to go through school by either thorougly messing up in a class presentation or taking the F. i am also quite anti-social, when people I dont know try to talk to me i sound rude, my vocabulary becomes that of a first grader. I tend to scare people away because of the mean expression i seem to have on my face. i cant say what i really mean. even though i would love to talk to and meet new people i am thoroughly scared of it. It is a facade i keep up so people dont talk to me even though i want them to, a paradox eh. i feel like im in a shell trying to break out, i really dont mean to be so harsh to people, it just comes out that way. Sometimes i am scared of muttering the casual 'here' during class rollcall. occasionally i have hw questions and refuse to ask any other student(especially girls becuase i dont want them to have the impression i am hitting on them when i really only want some class info). I am about to transfer from my CC to a university and i have been holding off this public speech class for a long time. It seems fairly pathetic to me that I may not go to university because I am too scared of speaking and interacting with people, especially large groups. To add to this, I can't read off a paper for speeches this semester, I can only use a small outline. reading off a paper is hard enough, I dont know if i can do this alone.
i use to take my friends adderall(boosts my confidence) for presentations, but i cant depend on some psychotropic drug to help me forever. positive thoughts dont work either, no matter what i tell myself( i have tried many approaches) i still screw up. words dont work. belittling the audience doesnt work either.
To those who want to understand how i feel when i am the focus of attention, I was a kid who lived in Saudi Arabia through the gulf war(we were americans and my dad moved their for a job when i was 2). The first night of of scudding from Iraq was the worst. I was hiding under blankets in our saferoom(just a room in the house with tape over the openings so gas couldnt get in). I was scared that a scud was going to hit our house and I was going to die(several landed a close as 1 mile from us). It seems pretty amazing to me, being shot at with missles is as terrifying as public speaking for me. Pathetic. every class presentation feels like the end of my life.
ive never met someone with the same problems as me, what is wrong?
I have a doctors appointment scheduled tommorow i hope he can help.
scott
PS. ive posted a similar message on another site, just looking for feedback.