IDK94657
Well-known member
This is one of my first posts here and I've posted before about how life has been. Just having 30 people or so view my post is enough to really make me feel like I'm not alone, but now I want to introduce myself. My name is Nick, and I'm 18. I live in the great state of Georgia, and I've been living with OCD for a little over a year. I've had OCD all of my life, but it was never this bad.
It started out with simple things like organization and such. I didn't have to have things in a certain order, but it did bother me a little. In addition, I'd require my friends who had eaten or used the bathroom to wash their hands. When they didn't I'd just look the other way and I would go about my life just a little upset at them.
However, my uncle was diagnosed with lung and pancreatic cancer about a year and three months ago, which was around the time my OCD really started hurting me. I think what started some of this is how he stated to my mother that he wanted a rag that didn't smell bad, because if it did it had germs and then he might as well not wash his hands. After that it started and I didn't really notice it.
It started out with watching certain things that I do and washing my hands a little more religiously so to speak. Then it moved on to the point where I would wash repeatedly to feel clean. It moved on to daily showers because people would walk around the house and do stuff like use the bathroom and just run in there and use the phone or grab a drink. The car was clean to me, and so I considered myself too dirty to soil it.
After his death I would go to school and when people would touch me on the shoulder I would feel as if the car needed cleaning and I needed to get a new shirt, because at the time some problems hadn't developed or I had broken them. Until I met my current girlfriend, where I had to break certain problems to be happy.
At first, the problems did not bother me at all because of her. I didn't have any sort of dread or depression from being touched, although I would still avoid people who just ate lunch because I knew their habits well enough. But when I was with her those problems seemed to disappear. I still wouldn't eat and get in my car without at least a quick hand wash, but it didn't bother me.
She would even eat in front of me and in a few minutes grab my hand and it didn't bother me too much. She still does that and I feel a little weird, but it usually passes. She means the world to me and it helped me through the OCD at the time.
But as our relationship progressed and time passed, the OCD came back with a vengeance. I had a falling out with a friend, whom was trying to fool around with my girl and the OCD kicked in. Not to mention, she wasn't allowed to go out of the house so I was holed up at my home for weeks at a time.
Now it's gotten so bad that I try to wash once a day, although to others it would be 1000x more than necessary. (it's not 1000 hand washes in one sitting!
) Preparing to go out takes upwards of an hour, even if I don't shower. Sometimes I shower just to alleviate the stress of having to clean up certain things.
Not to mention it's bad because the bathroom door, which I consider dirty, would be open and I would pass by and the wind would hit my hand a little and make me feel dirty. It's ludicrous, and I know it. And I know not every little thing is dirty but because it's a bathroom I just have this predisposition towards it that it's filthy and should only be touched when necesssary. In fact, I've gotten adapted to using my feet to do things such as open certain doors and open the refrigerator.
But another little thing I'd like to add is how things are contaminated. I've had to not think this way some times because there is no other way to get through the day; but if its possible to get around it without touching it, I will. For example, if I use the bathroom and touch the door handle, it's dirty. I don't want to clean it so I walk in there and wash my hands and that's that. But if someone touches it and I see it or know well enough that it happened, then touches another door knob then I feel like all is lost or it needs disinfected.
So when they got a shirt out for me one day, to help me with the OCD, they hit something that was "contaminated" and I kind of cringed. I got another shirt and that other one was hung on a different door knob for days. If you have read my other post you would see that this is a reason for some problems around the house or comments directed at me.
And in conclusion, this has caused people for the longest to see me as lazy. It causes comments to be directed at me, and people think I'm just another lazy kid. I don't want to work, and no one does, but the thought of having to deal with the OCD at work, not to mention my shyness and inability to really do new things sort of scares me away from it. I'm not lazy, I just have problems. And as someone said in another post; it probably is good not to tell family. In my case, even after telling them they don't seem to understand. Thanks for reading even one paragraph.
It started out with simple things like organization and such. I didn't have to have things in a certain order, but it did bother me a little. In addition, I'd require my friends who had eaten or used the bathroom to wash their hands. When they didn't I'd just look the other way and I would go about my life just a little upset at them.
However, my uncle was diagnosed with lung and pancreatic cancer about a year and three months ago, which was around the time my OCD really started hurting me. I think what started some of this is how he stated to my mother that he wanted a rag that didn't smell bad, because if it did it had germs and then he might as well not wash his hands. After that it started and I didn't really notice it.
It started out with watching certain things that I do and washing my hands a little more religiously so to speak. Then it moved on to the point where I would wash repeatedly to feel clean. It moved on to daily showers because people would walk around the house and do stuff like use the bathroom and just run in there and use the phone or grab a drink. The car was clean to me, and so I considered myself too dirty to soil it.
After his death I would go to school and when people would touch me on the shoulder I would feel as if the car needed cleaning and I needed to get a new shirt, because at the time some problems hadn't developed or I had broken them. Until I met my current girlfriend, where I had to break certain problems to be happy.
At first, the problems did not bother me at all because of her. I didn't have any sort of dread or depression from being touched, although I would still avoid people who just ate lunch because I knew their habits well enough. But when I was with her those problems seemed to disappear. I still wouldn't eat and get in my car without at least a quick hand wash, but it didn't bother me.
She would even eat in front of me and in a few minutes grab my hand and it didn't bother me too much. She still does that and I feel a little weird, but it usually passes. She means the world to me and it helped me through the OCD at the time.
But as our relationship progressed and time passed, the OCD came back with a vengeance. I had a falling out with a friend, whom was trying to fool around with my girl and the OCD kicked in. Not to mention, she wasn't allowed to go out of the house so I was holed up at my home for weeks at a time.
Now it's gotten so bad that I try to wash once a day, although to others it would be 1000x more than necessary. (it's not 1000 hand washes in one sitting!
) Preparing to go out takes upwards of an hour, even if I don't shower. Sometimes I shower just to alleviate the stress of having to clean up certain things.Not to mention it's bad because the bathroom door, which I consider dirty, would be open and I would pass by and the wind would hit my hand a little and make me feel dirty. It's ludicrous, and I know it. And I know not every little thing is dirty but because it's a bathroom I just have this predisposition towards it that it's filthy and should only be touched when necesssary. In fact, I've gotten adapted to using my feet to do things such as open certain doors and open the refrigerator.
But another little thing I'd like to add is how things are contaminated. I've had to not think this way some times because there is no other way to get through the day; but if its possible to get around it without touching it, I will. For example, if I use the bathroom and touch the door handle, it's dirty. I don't want to clean it so I walk in there and wash my hands and that's that. But if someone touches it and I see it or know well enough that it happened, then touches another door knob then I feel like all is lost or it needs disinfected.
So when they got a shirt out for me one day, to help me with the OCD, they hit something that was "contaminated" and I kind of cringed. I got another shirt and that other one was hung on a different door knob for days. If you have read my other post you would see that this is a reason for some problems around the house or comments directed at me.
And in conclusion, this has caused people for the longest to see me as lazy. It causes comments to be directed at me, and people think I'm just another lazy kid. I don't want to work, and no one does, but the thought of having to deal with the OCD at work, not to mention my shyness and inability to really do new things sort of scares me away from it. I'm not lazy, I just have problems. And as someone said in another post; it probably is good not to tell family. In my case, even after telling them they don't seem to understand. Thanks for reading even one paragraph.
