My neighbors ignore me but are all chummy with my husband. It's because I don't say h

[marie85]

I don't talk to my neighbors they don't to me but they are all chummy with my husband

My husband and I moved in about 7 months ago. I just can't say hi unless they say hi to me. My husband always peers at people so when they lock eyes they end up saying hello. I think this is probably how you say hello to strangers in the first place.

I will be outside with my husband and they will say hello just to my husband. They all yuk it up with him now and it bothers me because I'm left out.

I feel like they must think I'm stuck up or rude for never saying hello or just from hearing everyone only talk to my husband.

Is anyone else here in this position? It really feels lousy, I am alright if people say hi to me first for the most part. But I can't believe they say hi just to him even when I'm with him. I feel like I've made a terrible impression. I definitely do put my blinders on when coming and going.

 

[Boby]

I had a problem with greeting people ,if they were not looking in my direction I wouldn't say "Hi" because I was afraid they might not hear/notice me.
So one time I got a bit frustrated and I started to almost yell at people when I greeted them and I often even said their name ,like "Hi,John!!",that way they could notice me and were almost forced to greet me back.
About why they greet only your husband,I don't know it's a bit rude on their part even if they have a bad impression about you.Try to greet them first and be nicer with them maybe they will soften up a bit.

Ohh and almost forget ,welcome to the forum Marie,I hope you will find what you were looking for here.

 

[marie85]

Thanks for the welcome, I think that is a good way to say hello is to speak up loud and clear, but I am just so uncomfortable at this point considering we have been living in this house for the last 7 months, I almost feel embarrassed to only now start to say hello. Makes me feel even worse about myself, I try to go outside when my husband is to try and wiggle my way in. I agree also I think it seems rude I am ignored when I'm right there with him! No "hey guys" or "hi you two," but "Hi _husband's name_"

 

[Boby]

It's never to late,I felt the same way as you but people were surprised(in a good way) to see me greeting them.
Also if they haven't greeted you aswell and you start greeting them now they will look like the anti-social not you.

 

[Silatuyok]

Re: I don't talk to my neighbors they don't to me but they are all chummy with my hus

My husband and I moved in about 7 months ago. I just can't say hi unless they say hi to me. My husband always peers at people so when they lock eyes they end up saying hello. I think this is probably how you say hello to strangers in the first place.

I will be outside with my husband and they will say hello just to my husband. They all yuk it up with him now and it bothers me because I'm left out.

I feel like they must think I'm stuck up or rude for never saying hello or just from hearing everyone only talk to my husband.

Is anyone else here in this position? It really feels lousy, I am alright if people say hi to me first for the most part. But I can't believe they say hi just to him even when I'm with him. I feel like I've made a terrible impression. I definitely do put my blinders on when coming and going.

What? Are you me?? Haha, my fiance and I just moved into our house 7 months ago, and yeah, it is the same way with us. He just has a natural ability to connect with people that I completely lack. And I don't really like talking to my neighbors, but I don't want them to think I'm rude because of it.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Every place I lived with my ex, our neighbors would make an effort to talk to him.
I would always say hello- but get no response.

I'm thinking it's a man thing.

 

[MikeyC]

With some of the neighbours I have now, I prefer not being acknowledged.

Marie, maybe try to strike a conversation without your husband there. If they talk back, you know you're doing something right.

Welcome to the forum.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I can relate. I have a hard time saying Hello to people as well: the neighbors, the people that worked in nearby shops where I used to work. My instinct is to be invisible, but in doing so I am making them feel that way because I don't acknowledge them, and so I come off as rude and stuck up probably. Not my intention. In a way, I do like the distance. I don't engage in gossip and I avoid nosy questions. But it sure is awkward.

I am trying to get in the habit of greeting people...I say Hello to the bus driver when I get on...I say Hello to the cashier when I go pay. I still stay mute when someone on the street says Hello to me. The word just doesn't come out, though I try my best to smile, but even that is hard. It takes me a long time to react. It is gonna take some time to get used to it for sure.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I think that is a good way to say hello is to speak up loud and clear, but I am just so uncomfortable at this point considering we have been living in this house for the last 7 months, I almost feel embarrassed to only now start to say hello.

I understand. Sometimes it does feel like it is "too late." But maybe you can still get on friendly terms with the neighbors. Ask your husband to help you? Or find an excuse to talk to them. Oh, how do normal people do it? My mother will sometimes share food she makes. That goes on well. And she makes little comments and stuff. But that is so natural for her. Def something that will take much more effort and practice for us!

Welcome to the forum btw

 

[bitingthepea]

I understand you, i'm the same i can't seem to start a convo either, i have to wait for people to say something to me first. This was awkward at work so now i'm self employed and very happy
Try starting off small by going into shops and being the first to say hi when you reach the till. sort of working for me.
Anyway good luck

 

[cwby]

I get it, I get it. I'm the same way. I don't know what it is with neighbors. I'm OK with people a lot of time, but just the idea of having people near me that I don't want near me freaks me out.

And top it off when you overhear the new neighbor outside talking to his buddies - I was NOT eavesdropping, I was going to my car - mind you, I've only talked to the guy once before: "How are your neighbors?" (guy) "All of them seem ok. Except for this house here (our house). I'm sorry; I'm just not gay."

Thanks. I'm happily married and a father of two boys. Thanks for judging me. Makes me feel a whole lot better. I feel like I am in junior high again. Grrrrr....

Needless to say, my attempts at communicating with this guy since have been minimal.

 

[1BlackSheep]

i get it, i get it. I'm the same way. I don't know what it is with neighbors. I'm ok with people a lot of time, but just the idea of having people near me that i don't want near me freaks me out.

yes!!!!!!!!!

 

[mindflux]

And top it off when you overhear the new neighbor outside talking to his buddies - I was NOT eavesdropping, I was going to my car - mind you, I've only talked to the guy once before: "How are your neighbors?" (guy) "All of them seem ok. Except for this house here (our house). I'm sorry; I'm just not gay.".

That actually happened? how can grownups act like that
Pathetic.

 

[R3K]

i just had to drop in and compliment you on your awesome use of the word chummy, i lol'd off a good one, thanks

 

[Kiwong]

I feel like I am in a wagon being circled by Indians. I fired some arrows back today. A reminder of not breaching by-laws to be sent out to occupants that might get up their nose.

 

[shyness123]

Re: I don't talk to my neighbors they don't to me but they are all chummy with my hus

My husband and I moved in about 7 months ago. I just can't say hi unless they say hi to me. My husband always peers at people so when they lock eyes they end up saying hello. I think this is probably how you say hello to strangers in the first place.

I will be outside with my husband and they will say hello just to my husband. They all yuk it up with him now and it bothers me because I'm left out.

I feel like they must think I'm stuck up or rude for never saying hello or just from hearing everyone only talk to my husband.

Is anyone else here in this position? It really feels lousy, I am alright if people say hi to me first for the most part. But I can't believe they say hi just to him even when I'm with him. I feel like I've made a terrible impression. I definitely do put my blinders on when coming and going.

You are not alone Marie, I get that from some people ALL the time. I try not to let it bother me but it does. So in the end, I speak, if they respond they do, if not I don't let it bother me. I always feel left out And I am not married, but my father and I live together and people find my father much friendler so they talk to him and not me.

 

[SilentBird]

Neighbours are a major inconvenience for me.

 

[PhantomPod]

I have a very hard time saying "hi" to people first. If they say "hi" to me first, I'm okay, but I start to feel anxious if I feel like I need to say "hi" first. I feel like I speak too softly and there have been many, many occasions where I have actually worked up the guts to say hello to someone first and then it ended up that they didn't hear me or acknowledge me because I seemed to speak too softly.

When I walk into work I hate having to say good morning to the receptionist. For a few months I would even park out in the back parking lot so that I could enter the building through a different door and I wouldn't have to walk by her. But now she knows my name and she usually says "good morning" to me first anyway. I still usually don't say "good morning" unless she is looking my way though. Like, if she is on the phone or is looking down and looks to be working on something, I just walk right by without saying anything.

 

[dottie]

i understand how you feel- definitely been there. focus on improvement, not perfection, and it will get easier. the next time you see them let yourself blurt out really loudly, "hey, how's it going!" they will probably be more apt to open up and be the first to say hey if you do it a couple of times.

these things in life are kind of trivial. don't over-think it. don't sweat the small stuff.

 

[dottie]

I have a very hard time saying "hi" to people first. If they say "hi" to me first, I'm okay, but I start to feel anxious if I feel like I need to say "hi" first. I feel like I speak too softly and there have been many, many occasions where I have actually worked up the guts to say hello to someone first and then it ended up that they didn't hear me or acknowledge me because I seemed to speak too softly.

When I walk into work I hate having to say good morning to the receptionist. For a few months I would even park out in the back parking lot so that I could enter the building through a different door and I wouldn't have to walk by her. But now she knows my name and she usually says "good morning" to me first anyway. I still usually don't say "good morning" unless she is looking my way though. Like, if she is on the phone or is looking down and looks to be working on something, I just walk right by without saying anything.

ugh, yes, phantom! it's so hard at work, especially in the beginning. i work in an open office environment with people walking around my desk a lot. how many times do i have to say hi to eveerrrrryone? it's got better over time. but still.