BC-chick
Banned
my parents never paid attention to me. event though they say they did but i "pushed them away."
i always felt lonely and not cared for.
i wanted to kill myself because i felt so lonely and depressed since i was 10 years old.
what kind or 10 year old feels suicidal?
i was bullied in grades 5 and 6.
In my early teens, i got some good friends but i still distanced myself from my family, mostly because my mom would make fun of me herself. I would become easily jealous of my female friends. i was jealous that they had a nice happy family and i didn't.
everything was about my younger sibling in my family. i have a step father that never made me feel like his own although he never abused me, he just ignored me. i am 24 years old and i still don't know my father or his family. my mother refuses to talk to me about him. i am on facebook and my real father and relatives knows my name and they have NEVER added me on there i mean, they're not even curious to see what i look like now.
anyways,
well now i am an adult and i am married. I hate going to my own house because im afraid i will run into my step dad (we never talk) and it would be awkward. i hate bringing my man there cuz i hate pretending were a happy family.
his family is very different then mine, his family is big, religious and always together. i hate going to his house too cuz i when i see him happy with his family it just reminds me of what i don't have..of what i NEVER had. i've told him all this but he thinks it's easy to just get over it. All my life i have been jealous of my friends to the point that i lost everyone in my life bcuz of my jealousy. i don't have many good friends now. All my life i've wanted to get married and have kids. to have my OWN family. My hubby is not ready yet. he said in 2 years we can have kids.
we just found out his sister is 5 mths pregnant and i feel jealous. i feel like everything is about her. i am not getting any attention. i feel like i need to get pregnant too just to get some attention from people. i cant take it anymore. everyday they're always talking about the new baby coming and i have to see all this baby toys and sh$#%T^%.
I hate his family i wish it was just me and him. i really want to move to another state just so we don't have to deal with them every day. by the way i have developed social phobia because of all this happening in my life. i just didn't go outside with people anymore, afraid that i will get hurt or i would get jealous of people around me. the only person i trust if my hubby. i just wanna kill myself seriously because there's NO CURE to my jealousy i cant live like this..
i don't know what my question is but i feel really hopeless. i cannot put my past behind me because it's affecting me right now. I feel like i always need attention. I've always been obsessed with my past boyfriends. I put too much thought into things and then get jealous. i dont know how to live a jealous-free life. i cannot stop feeling sorry for myself
i always felt lonely and not cared for.
i wanted to kill myself because i felt so lonely and depressed since i was 10 years old.
what kind or 10 year old feels suicidal?
i was bullied in grades 5 and 6.
In my early teens, i got some good friends but i still distanced myself from my family, mostly because my mom would make fun of me herself. I would become easily jealous of my female friends. i was jealous that they had a nice happy family and i didn't.
everything was about my younger sibling in my family. i have a step father that never made me feel like his own although he never abused me, he just ignored me. i am 24 years old and i still don't know my father or his family. my mother refuses to talk to me about him. i am on facebook and my real father and relatives knows my name and they have NEVER added me on there i mean, they're not even curious to see what i look like now.
anyways,
well now i am an adult and i am married. I hate going to my own house because im afraid i will run into my step dad (we never talk) and it would be awkward. i hate bringing my man there cuz i hate pretending were a happy family.
his family is very different then mine, his family is big, religious and always together. i hate going to his house too cuz i when i see him happy with his family it just reminds me of what i don't have..of what i NEVER had. i've told him all this but he thinks it's easy to just get over it. All my life i have been jealous of my friends to the point that i lost everyone in my life bcuz of my jealousy. i don't have many good friends now. All my life i've wanted to get married and have kids. to have my OWN family. My hubby is not ready yet. he said in 2 years we can have kids.
we just found out his sister is 5 mths pregnant and i feel jealous. i feel like everything is about her. i am not getting any attention. i feel like i need to get pregnant too just to get some attention from people. i cant take it anymore. everyday they're always talking about the new baby coming and i have to see all this baby toys and sh$#%T^%.
I hate his family i wish it was just me and him. i really want to move to another state just so we don't have to deal with them every day. by the way i have developed social phobia because of all this happening in my life. i just didn't go outside with people anymore, afraid that i will get hurt or i would get jealous of people around me. the only person i trust if my hubby. i just wanna kill myself seriously because there's NO CURE to my jealousy i cant live like this..
i don't know what my question is but i feel really hopeless. i cannot put my past behind me because it's affecting me right now. I feel like i always need attention. I've always been obsessed with my past boyfriends. I put too much thought into things and then get jealous. i dont know how to live a jealous-free life. i cannot stop feeling sorry for myself