My SA is better but has lasting effects

[Angie_05]

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Been busy with a lot of things and it has helped to get SA off my mind.

I feel proud of myself that my SA has gotten better and I almost feel like a normal person for the first time in my whole life. I have no idea what changed in me. Growing up? Moving away from home? Working? I can't answer that question. Of course SA is always with me, but just not as extreme as it used to be. I still get those scared feelings where I dread making a phone call. I am also having trouble feeling confident in myself, still.

But most of all I am disappointed because having SA my whole life has caused me to not excel in the way that I know I could have. All throughout high school I was too afraid to take hard classes because I knew all the popular people were in them and I was scared of those people. Therefore, I graduated with a lower GPA and got into a normal college (university). Throughout college I didn't get involved or get to know my professors, but I needed to. I want to go to graduate school but I have few credentials except for good grades. I need teacher recommendations but they hardly know me because I never spoke in class or attended functions regarding my major.

I have moved away from that place now and I can't help but think that maybe I have ruined my future by never being outgoing. And it's too late because I can't go back and do it over. My grades could have been way better if I had joined study groups or attended class more often.

I have a lot of pressure from my family, too, to succeed at this education stuff. They haven't told me directly, but they act as though they will be very disappointed in me if I don't succeed in grad school and get that wonderful job.

I don't know how to overcome what I have done to my past with having SA (notice how I say that I have done this to myself, not SA...I take full responsibility).

Anyone else feel this way?

 

[decadeOfSA]

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Been busy with a lot of things and it has helped to get SA off my mind.

I feel proud of myself that my SA has gotten better and I almost feel like a normal person for the first time in my whole life. I have no idea what changed in me. Growing up? Moving away from home? Working? I can't answer that question. Of course SA is always with me, but just not as extreme as it used to be. I still get those scared feelings where I dread making a phone call. I am also having trouble feeling confident in myself, still.

But most of all I am disappointed because having SA my whole life has caused me to not excel in the way that I know I could have. All throughout high school I was too afraid to take hard classes because I knew all the popular people were in them and I was scared of those people. Therefore, I graduated with a lower GPA and got into a normal college (university). Throughout college I didn't get involved or get to know my professors, but I needed to. I want to go to graduate school but I have few credentials except for good grades. I need teacher recommendations but they hardly know me because I never spoke in class or attended functions regarding my major.

I have moved away from that place now and I can't help but think that maybe I have ruined my future by never being outgoing. And it's too late because I can't go back and do it over. My grades could have been way better if I had joined study groups or attended class more often.

I have a lot of pressure from my family, too, to succeed at this education stuff. They haven't told me directly, but they act as though they will be very disappointed in me if I don't succeed in grad school and get that wonderful job.

I don't know how to overcome what I have done to my past with having SA (notice how I say that I have done this to myself, not SA...I take full responsibility).

Anyone else feel this way?

SA has really messed up my life too. I skipped most of my Senior year in H.S. because of it(well really more depression then) and I was lucky to graduate. Luckily I did very well on my ACT and that got me in to some colleges despite my lousy grades. In college the SA got terrible and I still had some light depression. I couldn't stay in class and because of the depression, I was careless. So, I didn't even bother to drop and got a bunch of F's my first year and got put on academic probation. So I went to another school for awhile and I just couldn't stay in the classes and ultimately ended up quitting school and working for about 6 years out of my home. Now that I got some Xanax XR, which is really helping me, I am back in school full time and working part time, but I'm 29 now without a degree and that kinda sucks. I have a bad record from my first time in college, but lately I have been getting straight A's, thanks Xanax XR SA has dramatically affected my life. I would probably have a degree from a good school by now if I hadn't had SA and some depression. Luckily I haven't really had depression for awhile as I try to be optimistic. SA has affected my life in many other ways too. It sure is hard to live a "normal" life when you are anxious around people.

 

[Angie_05]

SA has really messed up my life too. I skipped most of my Senior year in H.S. because of it(well really more depression then) and I was lucky to graduate. [/quote]

It's pretty brave of you to go back to school after all this time and try it again. I work out of my home right now also and my boyfriend and I are making good money. That makes me feel better than school ever did. No A grade could make me feel as good as it feels to be completely financially independent and not work for someone else. This makes me think maybe being a psychologist isn't the best idea for me, that I should just own my own business. I dunno...both sound appealing.

 

[decadeOfSA]

SA has really messed up my life too. I skipped most of my Senior year in H.S. because of it(well really more depression then) and I was lucky to graduate.

It's pretty brave of you to go back to school after all this time and try it again. I work out of my home right now also and my boyfriend and I are making good money. That makes me feel better than school ever did. No A grade could make me feel as good as it feels to be completely financially independent and not work for someone else. This makes me think maybe being a psychologist isn't the best idea for me, that I should just own my own business. I dunno...both sound appealing.[/quote]

Having your own business is the way to go if you can do it for many reasons. It's especially suited for people with SA and you don't have to worry about being fired, layed off, your job outsourced or have to deal with rules of a company you work for as an employee. Usually it means working more, etc. etc. though. There are advantages and disadvantages. Having a degree is nice to have though as a personal accomplishment and something to fall back on.