Ne1 blame this on the the way they were brought up?

[ricky]

Just wonderin if people here blame or think that they have sa coz of the way your parents brought u up, or if it was jus sum particular events in your life that could of triggerd u havin sa? Im not sure but since i live not in a really populated area i feel that my parents should of done more to get me to intract with more kids my age earlier on other than jus school, an if this is not totally the explanation 4 me hav sa then i think it would hav contributed alittle. Or do people think that sa is jus genetic an sum people are more likely get sa in ther life than other people?

rick xx

 

[nedkelly]

Hi Ricky ,sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it.
For me, i think moving around a lot, because of dad's work, has contributed greatly to my SA, as i never got to meet life long friends. And it was hard to start all over again at our new town/city etc. I went to many schools,and had a hard time at a few of them,and i never felt a stability that comes with staying somewhere long enough.
I get dissapointed/sad that i had to move so much, and knowing how it has affected me, but i know that my parents were only doing what they had to do at the time. I know that they feel guilty about it.
But i guess other people say that by living in many places, they got to meet more people. So, i think it really depends on one's personality traits...and i think i was always going to be susseptible.
My parents weren't perfect, and i don't know your's, so it is probarly not wise for me too judge them. But i guess parents make many mistakes, and the scariest thing is to make a life for ourselves, when you have been brought up in a certain way,and the baggage, that comes with your past.
There is no easy anwsers to this question.
I will be a parent soon myself, so i hope i can do the best i can, but i'm sure i will make lots of mistakes. I will admit though, that i have pretty good parents, who encouraged me, but i still ended up, a troubled person inside.
I hope i have come across understanding mate, you may be in a hard situation i know.
Take care, and messenger me anytime if you like.

 

[MrHappy]

I agree with worrydoll.

I, personally, hold a weight of resent for my upbringing and lack of interest of my parents for playing with me.

They felt a hardship if they had to participate in anything.

But now I'm an adult I'm supposed to "deal" with whatever has happened in the past. If I were to bring it up in conversation with my parents it would be pushed aside.

I think I feel the resent because I'm the one left to deal with it alone.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I was brought up well but was always a shy child, when i was 13 (bad age to move any kid if ya ask me) we moved away. I was then bullied at my new school and thats when my SP kicked in big time.

 

[applesewer]

Well, I was well social in primary school. I’d say I was pretty popular actually. Infact I was in secondary school too…to a certain extent….it was when I got to about 13/14 I just found it harder thinking of things to say….I’d want to be alone more…I just stopped wanting to socialize. I don’t know why?! I don’t particularly think it was anyone’s fault…there were no traumatic events in my past or anything.

One thing though, is that I’m pretty sure my dad’s got SAD. We never really talk about it but my mum mentioned it once and I hear them talking about doctors and depression sometimes…and he’s very similar to me….so I think maybe its genetic. It just got past onto me….nuffin I could do about it. The only thing I can control is my reaction to it.

 

[shep]

I believe my problems started around 13/14 y.o. and this seems to be in common with a lot of people with sp. When puberty kicks in, there are lots of changes taking place in the brain as well as the body and I wonder if an event or series of events could jump start sp in a similar way that a traumatic event could change someone for life in various ways. I was a middle child and my older brother would put me down more so than being the protective type of and I have always wondered if that could have been a contributing factor. I was also small for my age and I believe my self esteem was in a fragile state and the put downs may have been a major factor. Each of us have our own family dynamic and social situation as we mature and perhaps some of us are very vulnerable to social situations that can trigger sp and other sorts of disorders.

 

[ricky]

i dont blame then exactly, but i feel that if things were done differently stuff would b different now but ne1 could say that and we dont no what would happen if things would of been done differently. For all i no my life could of been alot worse.

rick xx

 

[Anonymous]

mine also kicked in at 13/14 and i think my dad has sa. he is very insecure and actually when i think about it he never goes out into town alone. he goes to the pub at night with friends though. i think it does have something to do with the way u r brought up because you r going to pick up vibes from your parents if they have sa. i also think my mum is a contributing factor because when she was little her dad hit her and her siblings quite a lot and coming from an irish background they had quite a hard life. she recently told me that her parents didnt know how to show her they loved her. my dads dad is very conservative very proper and very very critical a little liek my dad . i feel that my parents were never loved properly so they didnt know how to love anyone else. sometimes i get angry at them for having children when they wouldnt be able to love them but usualy i just accept it. i crave intimacy and affection and whenevr i get drunk i kiss a boy but am really affectionate and just need the feeling of being loved , knowing that thats not love just amoment of closeness

 

[Dill]

For me , I do think my folks contributed to my SP

My mom used to be , and still is , very overprotective. She literately treats me like a child. ( Im 18 ). I am the 'baby' in the family so my brother picked on me alot. And I mean ALOT!!!

My dad use to shout at me and put me down as he was very stressed from work. He works hectic shifts as a Doctor.

So all my problems where caused by my family.

 

[Anonymous]

I think I've always been a shy person, although I did use to be pretty good socially. I suppose it got worse in my teens, and I think low self esteem caused it. I went through a patch of having NO self confidence whatsover, which is something you really need when you're growing up. I'm a little more confident in myself now, but the damage has been done (that sounds more dramatic than its supposed to)

 

[Anonymous]

Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.

The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.

 

[Anonymous]

Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.

The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.

That's all very well and good. But why not? if it helps people to try and find the root to their problem, looking at the past, let them do as they please.

Btw, Standing up and being confident doesn't work for everyone. Anxiety becomes a habit to an extent, in which our body's get used to reacting to certain situations. When this happens, it becomes a natural reflex. Breaking that is going to take a long time - especially if you have had it most of your life. A combination of therapy and medication can shed light to the end of the dark tunnel, but looking at what actually *makes* people feel like the way they do is more important. So looking at the past can do some good. But blaming can be a way of releasing frustration, and if it makes them feel better, so be it. Besides, who are you to tell people what to do anyway?[/quote]

 

[Anonymous]

I'm certain my disorders have something to do with the way I was brought up or treated as a child, but I think other situations may have contributed to them as well. I was never really picked on or put down by the other kids (just the usual jokers that made fun of names, etc. on occassion) but I do know (and this is not my phobias or low self esteem issues doing my thinking for me) that many of my teachers had issues with me and they singled me out, picked on me, and humiliated me in front of the entire classroom. I was also held back for a year.. not because I didn't pass, but the teacher felt it would be in my best interest to keep me back. All of my friends & classmates moved up to middle school a year before I did and it caused some other unpleasant situtions as well. I loathed middle school... everyday I was there, I would plan 'escapes". Problem was I had no place to escape to except for home where Mom would put me right back in school!

 

[Secret_Smile]

To be honest, I'm not 100% sure if my parents have had something to do with it or not.
I do think they had something to do with me being a target for bullies which is what brought on my SP.
Not intentionally of course, I think my parents rule.

 

[will_b]

The way I was brought up

I can remember a few isolated incidents of being bullied from when I was very young, but basically I was fairly happy and popular. It all started to go wrong when I was 13 and I went to a new school where I was bullied mercilessly for the next 3 or so years. Also my father had very high expectations and used to hit me, make me do loads of extra work and verbally abuse me.
Years later I was verbally abused by my wife and that certainly didn't help, so I think things at different stages of life can be just as harmful. On the other hand maybe I got into that relationship because I was already socially phobic.

 

[Angie_05]

Everybody who has this is tempted to blame it on the way they were raised. And, you know what, each person is right -- the thing is brought to the present from our past. But the wierd thing is that we will all find something different to blame it on. Person 1 who traveled all the time will blame it on that, while person 2 who never traveled will blame it on that. What else can they do? They can only point back to what happened to them.

The point is that we're all adults now, and the most pathetic thing to hear is a full grown adult still bitching about how they were raised and the things that made them insecure as a child. As an adult, we must take responsibility for our attitudes and behaviors, and must become confident and stand up to the world.

An anxiety disorder usually arises out of conditioned learning. It may be genetic, but that doesn't mean it will always be present in a person's life. If a person was conditioned to feel a certain way when they were younger, then it is absolutely necessary that they find out what caused the dysfunctional thinking so they know how to turn it around. I really had to look back at my past to figure out a common link between all my problems, and I figured out that link is the need for control. My anxiety and eating disorder go back to control issues because my parents were always changing their lives, which in turn changed mine, and I never felt like I had stability or control over my life. It's important to figure that out so I can start to change my mindset, otherwise I'd never know where to begin.

We can look to the past to see where we went wrong, then use that to better ourselves. We can blame and be angry at our upbringing, but we also need to use that for good, and not persistent self-pity.

 

[black_mamba]

We can look to the past to see where we went wrong, then use that to better ourselves. We can blame and be angry at our upbringing, but we also need to use that for good, and not persistent self-pity.

I think thats a very sensible stance to have. I used to feel that blaming your past was pointless but when you think about it; the complications of being afflicted by both nature and nature mean that its useful to know what went wrong in the past so you can (hopefully) overcome it in the future.

If it helps the debate; I wasn't really brought up as such, my parents let me do my own thing. I went out at 10am to play and came back at 10pm. I could've been raised by wolves and still turned out the same. :lol:

 

[Sue]

i would blame my father for how i am and i dont think im wrong about that. my mom said the same thing. iv been afraid my whole life because of the shit that went down with him. my friends dumping me would be another reason :evil:

 

[sheree]

I was bullied at school for being fat i was having fits and all sorts from the stress of it ,anyway my mum took me out and taught me at home and since then i've not mixed with anyone and i'm 19 now and people expect me to be normal and get a job/collage ect but i dont know how to talk
to people and i feel everyone is always judging me

 

[diaspar]

Its one of the main reasons I was extremely shy as a teeenage. Because of this I missed out on dating & friendships with the opposite sex. From my late 20's I had control of my life and could have done more to be the person I wanted to be. So if anyone is to blame anyone now it would me. But I think of this more as being responcible for myself.