Need help about socializing with others...Neighbors, Convo

[Nytro]

Hello,

I was hoping some of you guys could help me out. For years I have been a very quite individual with neighbors and people in general. I have excellent listening skills and ask many questions while talking with diffrent ppl. My problem is sometimes I hold myself short and my mind begins racing on boring, or screwing up what im saying.Especially if I dont know much about what they are talking about.

I feel this is one of my last barriers from keeping me SA free. If a neighbor greets me, one i never talk to I come off as obrupt and breif maybe as I want them to go away. When I go to a dinner with friedns, some are always have something to talk about and keep the convo interesting but when i have something to say I usually kill the subject cuase of my self doubt.

If its something I really understand and know about them i can maintain eye contact and keep it interesting. I feel silly typing this becuase im 22 and lack some social skills that many are good at.

Please any help would be great.

 

[phoenix1]

Greetings,

Where lies your focus? when you get into a conversation are you focused too much on others and what they think in reference to you?

It may sound like a strange question, but do you find yourself getting angry alot at what others say? It could be a reason why your focus is being pulled from yourself.

There are tons of tips all over the internet on how to better small talk or keep conversations rolling that may be helpful. I dont know of any offhand, but a google search may give you what you are looking for. Or perhaps these fine folk on this board will give you some tips too.

 

[Nytro]

Thanks for the quick response, I never get mad at what other say id say i mostly get mad at myself for not contributing to the convo well enough. I listen and ask many questions but when it comes to talking about myself I dont keep eye contact as to im trying to recall information then theres the clutter in my head of doubt. This only happens with realitivly new ppl I really wish i wasnt like this.

Ive read many books about small talk but perhaps thats my downfall sometimes i read too deeply in the nonverbal communication om getting in return of me talking. Some ppl look like they do lose interest while others do not. I had a GF and spent much of my time with her and now that we are no longer going out i dont know what to do.

Im sick of feeling and worrying like this, other than my confidence and performance on speaking my mind i am fine. Even just a few words of advce will help.

 

[phoenix1]

It sounds like me. I focus too much on what others are thinking and I, too, get mad at myself for not contributing as I feel I should.

Advice? probably fairly obvious, but try to stop focusing on what others think. It will drive you crazy. Stop asking yourself why others arnt listening or why they dont seem to be interested in you. Sometimes people care, somethings they dont. Its not your fault if someone in the group doesnt find what you say interesting. You cant please everyone. And stop getting mad at yourself for trying. You are doing the best you can. The easier you are on yourself, the more confident you will be become.

 

[Nytro]

Thank you sometimes its always comforting to have reashurance. Im going to begin doing more online chat, forums and keeping myself informed on a whole lot of small talk topic. Perhaps memorize certain things and like a salesman just to be confident enough to improvise and keep eye contact on a subject im so confident i know i cant mess it up.

Good approach? If anyone of you passer byers read this and know of a better way or are success in many of your experiences please share them with me