Need some advice

[T T T]

I am currently 16 years of age.
I live with my cousin and my parents.
I have a girlfriend that i've been with for almost 8 months now.

I am too young to be diagnosed with anything but I have been to see my doctor with complaints of OCD before, they said they would book me in for counciling; this was about 4 months ago, still no counciling.

My social anxiety is ruining everything, and from here I can see no way out.
My cousin knows I have some bad social problems, but she has no idea as to what extent and, to be honest, she dosen't care or understand. My girlfriend tries to support me, but she dosen't understand either so I never talk about it or ask for advice because it just gets awkward.

I don't think my parents actually realise i'm even shy. When i'm not meeting my girlfriend I spend all my time in my room because I find it really difficult and unenjoyable to go outside without my girlfriend; God i'm sad.. My parents give me £50 a month, but they're threatening to stop giving me it because i'm "too lazy to bother getting off my chair" and get a job; not a full job, just before I start collage. As annoying if it would be if I lost that money, that's not what scares me, it's that I am completley unable to walk into a shop or whatever, and ask for a job. I just can't do it, and I don't know how to make them understand that.

Whenever I say for example "Why would they want to hire me?" they just say "Stop being so negative and defeatist and get off your arse!" I just don't know what to do, I mean I haven't tried getting a job yet, and I will, but I just want them to understand.

I'm sure there are many people in the same position as me and I would just really sppreciate some advice.

Thank you

 

[amnesiacinsomniac]

Hi
I'm currently 27 years of age... Social anxiety disorder/depression my entire life.
Diagnosed at the age of 16. You are NOT too young to be diagnosed and to be put on meds/therapy. You're young, there is a way out! But you need to start helping yourself now! I too went through so much pain as a teenager, my parents thinking i was just *lazy* about the job ordeal. About significant others..... my boyfriend of 5 years still doesn't quite understand me. If you don't experience it there's no way to know how you feel. I do, and most of us here do. What you need to do is see a psychiatrist and psychologist (drug doc) and (head doc) and get started with some meds! Good luck

 

[T T T]

Thank you.

The only thing is, about seeing the psychiatrist, I would some how have to book the appointment so see my GP without my parents knowing because they wouldn't take it seriously, and I already tried when I claimed to my parents I had "OCD", though when I got to the doctor I just spoke about my social problems.

I would happily do those things, I just don't really know where to begin. :/

 

[amnesiacinsomniac]

Well.. Since you are 16 and a minor you do need to have your parents sign forms at a psych's office. What I suggest out of experience.... talking to my parents often times I would be tongue tied and not say what I really meant to say. My parents brushed me off during some horrid times in my teenage life when I told them something was wrong with me. Sit down, write them a serious letter that you strongly feel *something* is wrong with you.. maybe not mention ocd anxiety etc. And this is extremely important to you to see a psychiatrist not a general practitioner (they dont know sheot) If they see how serious you are an that you are in pain, they should take you seriously. It's worth a shot? Words on paper often times get the point across rather than staring at your shuffling feet and mumbling in incoherant sentences. ( my case )
Good luck!

 

[T T T]

Thank you very, very much for that advice.

A letter. You genious!
I will most certainly take you up on this, and it may be difficult, and embarrasing when they first confront me about it, but like you say, it's worth a shot.

Thank you.

 

[amnesiacinsomniac]

You're welcome! I hope this works out for you!
It may be very hard, but it will be worth it. =)

Best wishes for you.

 

[Josette]

I am completley unable to walk into a shop or whatever, and ask for a job. I just can't do it, and I don't know how to make them understand that.

That takes me back to 1991 when I had just graduated from high school and my mom insisted I get a summer job to make $ for college. I was going away to college (to another state, by myself!) in the Fall. She would drive me to businesses and order me to go in and ask for an application. I was terrified and couldn't do it. I would cry and beg not to have to do it and she would just get angry. It was awful.

I don't know what to advise you in terms of how to go about getting help. But please do it. Try anything you can. It seems like your parents aren't taking you seriously or just don't understand and aren't willing to try. I could be wrong. Maybe if you sit them down, tell them you need to have a serious talk with them and tell them you're experiencing severe anxiety and need help, they'll listen?

Whatever you do, please start now. I'm 38 years old now and I regret so much. I wish I had just pushed through the terror and gotten help when I was a kid. Even if it takes you a few years of mindless fear forcing yourself to do the things that scare you (socializing), it's worth it. Better 2 awful years than to find yourself almost 40 and still in the same place.

Good luck to you.

 

[T T T]

Thank you Josette.

I don't know what to advise you in terms of how to go about getting help. But please do it. Try anything you can. It seems like your parents aren't taking you seriously or just don't understand and aren't willing to try. I could be wrong. Maybe if you sit them down, tell them you need to have a serious talk with them and tell them you're experiencing severe anxiety and need help, they'll listen?

As advised above, I have written a detailed letter, desribing my feelings of social anxiety, aimed at my parents. I want to give it to them, but I don't know how, or how things will be afterwards.
I'm contemplating just leaving it on my mum's dressing table or something, in a hope that she will read it. The other option is to go downstairs in a quiet moment, give it to one of them face to face, dissapear back upstairs, wait for them to come up.

I'd really appreciate some advice on this one. Thank you.

 

[Josette]

It's great your taking action so fast! I wish I was as brave as you.

Either option will work but I think handing it to one of them would be best. Then you'll know for sure they got the letter. You're going to be worrying about the outcome either way, but if you hand it to them you at least won't have to spend time worrying if they even got it.

 

[T T T]

I guess so, thank you.
Brave? I think not.
I have written the letter when I was so miserable from it that I just wanted to get it out of my system. That took nothing. Showing it to them, that's the courageous part; I think that's going to take a few days.

Novertheless, I have my letter hidden on my desk, ready to give to them whenever the time is right and I have the courage to do it.

Thank you for your help. I really do appreciate it.

 

[kihira]

To get people to have empathy for a fear, frame it in a way that they can relate to, such as "My fear for xxxxx is the same as your's for spiders". Hold up a jar containing a spider for emphasis.


Edit: you could leave it in the letterbox? idk. We use text messages to good effect in our house, they can be sent from a distance

 

[T T T]

I can say now, I will not be holding up any spiders!
I guess I could email my letter to my father, I would just prefer it if my mum were to read it first, because then when she showed my dad she will hopefully have more initial empathy and understanding to share with him.

I really don't know if i'm honest.
I'm wondering whether to put it in my mums handbag before her work tomorrow and then she will read it on her own on her lunch break. But then, since I have exams tomorrow, I will be worring about it all day.
Arghhh
Maybe tuesday because i'm home alone all day and I will just be in my room dealing with everythig myself. But then I might start to overthink everything, and maybe it is better to do it when i'm not thinking about it that much.

This is really starting to stress me out. I could so easily just not do it, but on wednesday night we are all going to this music show, me and my cousin are expected to play (don't even get me started..), and I would like them to understand and watch me in a social enviroment.

We'll see I guess. Sorry for going on, I tend to do that.

 

[T T T]

I did it.

I wrote a letter, left it on my parents bed, and waited anxiously for them to read it.
They called me in afterwards and told me they loved me, and I told them I loved them too. They said we would talk about it tomorrow, as it is late now, and that we will decide what is best for me together.

I just want to say thank you so much to everyone that has posted on this thread. You have helped me, so much, you really have, and I cannot thank you enough. <3

 

[Josette]

I did it.

I wrote a letter, left it on my parents bed, and waited anxiously for them to read it.
They called me in afterwards and told me they loved me, and I told them I loved them too. They said we would talk about it tomorrow, as it is late now, and that we will decide what is best for me together.

Awesome! \o/

 

[Pearldaffodil]

As a person who is older I can say that it does get easier. I remember how difficult life was in high school and college. I appreciate my age and my knowledge.

 

[rawrt]

Nice one dude, was reading this thread hoping you'd reply saying you did it and you did.

Hopefully it gets easier for you now!

 

[T T T]

Thank you Rawrt.

I actually have an appointment with my GP today in a hope they will put me on to a counciller or something. I'm really nervous, but I just have to do it and get it over with.