no friends at all - normal?

[Foxglove]

I am 42 years, female, and haven't had a female friend since I was 12. Does this make me a freak? I just cannot tolerate being around anyone. When I am forced to have contact with others (my son's school, my husband's friends), I feel so awful afterwards that I cry for hours and cut myself. I hate myself so much for being this way. It's just not normal to have absolutely no contact whatsoever with other people. I feel nothing but disgust and hate for myself, and wish every single day that I would just drop dead. Does anyone else here have such an extreme case of SP?

 

[mad_mad_woman]

Hey Foxglove,

I can relate to what you are saying. Since I left school I have not been able to make any friends, I especially find it hard to talk to other females. I have been going to university for years now, and I do not have one friend. I look at other students socialising and it makes me so sad and lonely. I often wonder what it would feel like not to worry. To be able to open up my heart, relax and enjoy other peoples company.

To me there is something even worse then feeling sad and lonely. And that is feeling rejected. On several occasions I have tried to make friends, but they end up thinking im weird and distancing themselves from me. Having them do that feels a lot worse then not trying at all.

 

[Richey]

im only young and go to university but i can completely relate although ive never had a partner at all, pat yourself on the back for at least having a husband(also a friend) that you can share moments with, its extreme SP ...sometimes not leaving the house for weeks

ive been reading that changing your routine or current environment can help you feel better, take a holiday overseas or change your daily habits, try a few hobbies that involve you going to classes on a casual basis ....whatever floats your boat.

 

[Y]

Hi there,

I understand what you mean, i think if you stay lonely for too long, it gets even harder to make friends or just to be around people, you ask if its "normal" or not, well my view of normal has changed cos of the years ive spent in the dark i guess, now i dont find it normal to socialize with people, it is so unfamiliar to me, i watch social people like aliens :/.

So dont care whats normal or not, what only matter is what you think is normal, or good for you. Try to see it in the big picture, after all this life is just some kind of an exam, and we ll be rewarded (or punished) in the afterlife.

 

[Higolo]

I once never left the house for months... Does that count as extreme? :lol:

I remember the days of finding it so difficult i couldn't open the front door.
It's upsetting looking back at how i used to live :=(

 

[babyblue]

I am 42 years, female, and haven't had a female friend since I was 12. Does this make me a freak? I just cannot tolerate being around anyone. When I am forced to have contact with others (my son's school, my husband's friends), I feel so awful afterwards that I cry for hours and cut myself. I hate myself so much for being this way. It's just not normal to have absolutely no contact whatsoever with other people. I feel nothing but disgust and hate for myself, and wish every single day that I would just drop dead. Does anyone else here have such an extreme case of SP?

I can relate to some of what you are saying. true friends are hard to find- at least in my town! But count your blessings my dear, you have a husband and a son and I bet they are sooo in love with you and wouldnt want you to hurt like this. Just remember that most people are not nearly as critical as you are about yourself. Do you judge people when youre walking down the street? Probably not.
Cutting yourself might at the time feel like a comfort and somewhere to put all the pain? but its not making things better, it will only add to the 'disgust' you feel. it makes me think of comfort eating thats how I see it anyway.. what id suggest is to be really honest with yourself have a bubble bath or do something that makes you feel good--with candles, petals, oils, the works. Think about the things that are making you unhappy, what it is you dont like in your life and get a piece of paper and write down some achievable goals that mean most to you. The first few days are always the hardest but every time you take a tiny step towards your goal youll feel good/better about yourself, its just trying to get into the habit...
I know its hard but when you take a fall back, youve got to just keep on no matter how many times you relapse. Thats one of my favourite things in life. My surname meaning is cut me down and I will grow again! I have every faith that youll acheive the things you want to eventually

 

[Shyguest]

Foxglove,

I know how you feel. I am also around the same age as yourself and find it extremely hard to make friends. I am in this situation all because of this social anxiety. I am not even working now and I only leave the house once a week. If somebody comes round to the flat, I either don't answer the door or hide in another room from them because I honestly feel too depressed to see them. How do we start to overcome this thing before it gets too late? We've got to find a way to stop worrying about what other people think of us and then I believe we will be allright.

Please reply or someone else add to this subject.