Nobody left to try

[aj]

I'm sick of people saying, "You're a nice guy! You're just shy, that's all your problem is! You just need some confidence! Everybody has their problems!" when they all silently mean, "as long as you don't want to do anything with me." Everybody says the same thing.

I have nobody left to try from work now, they all say that. I've said hi to the two people in school who were nice... one has stopped saying anything (not that that's much of a change), the other I'm waiting for a first reply from.

I don't want to try a club, which is another thing that everybody suggests. I'm probably chucking my toys out of the pram a bit here but I hate clubs (when I was little I was in a club - that obviously did a lot of good didn't it!) and even if I had the energy to do it, the goalposts are constantly shifting and I'm fed up of chasing them. When I started work three years ago, that was supposed to be it. My confidence did shoot up for the time I was there and I still don't know why nothing worked. Before that it was starting the last year of college. Before that it was starting the first year of college. Before that it was going into the final year at school. I'm sooooo far behind now. People my age are starting families. I just want to get a foot on the ladder. What do I do

 

[EasySkankin]

Excuse me for saying it this way, but:

F**ck everyone, and just do your own thing. If no one wants to support you, screw them, find your own way to help yourself... there are ways, I know, because no one supports me either

 

[aj]

No, you're completely right. But I think that in the end my goal is to be liked and I don't think that's unusual. I don't mean by everyone. One or two people would do.

What do you do?

 

[redski]

In my younger days I listened to Notorious B.I.G.
I feel corny saying this but there is a sentence in one of his songs that
I was just reminded of reading the first response to this thread.

"F**k the world don't ask me for s**t and everything you get you got to work hard for it"

Maybe not the most grown up way to say it but he has a point

 

[aj]

I wish somebody would give me a chance to work for it. If someone doesn't want to know you, they don't want to know you. You can try to force it but it won't work.

 

[guessed]

aj I'm in the same boat as you and everyone says the same thing too. you're nice and cute you'll find somebody ( just don't ask me) lol.

I get the frustration and longing to connect with someone. You said you don't like clubs, what types of things are you interested in?

 

[aj]

Not much. I like computers - obvious problems there plus the fact that I want to spend less time with them, not more. Watching car racing - I could look into being a marshal but I've definitely never seen a 22 year old doing it. Aircraft - same problem. I like animals and could volunteer. But like clubs, I can see the reasons why everyone suggests it, but it's only worthwhile if it goes perfectly (ie. I like what the club does, I meet someone who I like and who likes me) but in the real world it's unlikely.

I wish I could just go out of the front door tomorrow, go somewhere, be myself and come away with a proper friend. But where could you go to do that? Especially when you don't know what the hell you're doing?

Thanks for saying I'm cute, hehe.

 

[guessed]

lol sorry I didn't explain myself very well. What I meant was that I get told I'm nice and cute with the silent (but don't ask me) attached. lol Although I'm sure you're cute too hehe.

I wish I could just go out of the front door tomorrow, go somewhere, be myself and come away with a proper friend. But where could you go to do that? Especially when you don't know what the hell you're doing?

I wonder the same thing. How do people meet casually without the forced dating scene involved? I wish I could bump into someone at the grocery store or bookstore who happens to have the same interests as I do, but I rarely meet people my age who actually like going to the library lol.

 

[aj]

Oh well that's embarrassing, sorry! I didn't think I had my avatar there any more!

 

[guessed]

It's ok, I didn't make myself clear enough. I was just trying to offer some support because I can relate to what you're going through. That's all

 

[EasySkankin]

No, you're completely right. But I think that in the end my goal is to be liked and I don't think that's unusual. I don't mean by everyone. One or two people would do.

What do you do?

It's really hard to say what I do, but I suppose I just 'take it easy'. Right now, I know my problem is opening up to people and being myself, which I know is the main reason I can't get close to people. So I go as far as I can with my ability to open up and get as close to people as I can using that and don't push it... till I improve a little with my social anxiety and start getting closer to people. I don't know, that's just my personal way of doing it

I haven't really made any true friends right now, but there is one friend from work whom I go out with sometimes and have some fun... it's still very difficult to be closer friends with him or any other person, but I might get there someday... I'll keep to my strategy, it keeps me happy

 

[aj]

I admit that until I started work in 2007 I never actively put myself out. I realised I had to do that if anything was to changed and so I did. It made no difference whatsoever. That's still surprising me as I write it. Well, I hope your way brings you more success than my way

After everything I've tried it's so disheartening to still have nobody, not one person. I can only speak for myself here but I know for a fact that I'm not that out of the ordinary (as I kind of said up there, at some times I was even a lot less shy), but I suppose there is just one silly thing there that has pushed away everyone I've ever met.

I so wish that the people from school who I'm trying to talk to would say that I was a horrible person or something when they knew me. That may sound an odd thing to want but at least you know the exact problem and what to change. Then you get back to the same old thing - apparently I'm just shy and it's perfectly okay to be that way.

In the end, should being shy stop you from ever having somebody who likes you? Really? It's hardly the worst flaw to have.

Sorry, I do go on.

 

[Liberty]

I'm sick of people saying, "You're a nice guy! You're just shy, that's all your problem is! You just need some confidence! Everybody has their problems!" when they all silently mean, "as long as you don't want to do anything with me." Everybody says the same thing.

I have nobody left to try from work now, they all say that. I've said hi to the two people in school who were nice... one has stopped saying anything (not that that's much of a change), the other I'm waiting for a first reply from.

I don't want to try a club, which is another thing that everybody suggests. I'm probably chucking my toys out of the pram a bit here but I hate clubs (when I was little I was in a club - that obviously did a lot of good didn't it!) and even if I had the energy to do it, the goalposts are constantly shifting and I'm fed up of chasing them. When I started work three years ago, that was supposed to be it. My confidence did shoot up for the time I was there and I still don't know why nothing worked. Before that it was starting the last year of college. Before that it was starting the first year of college. Before that it was going into the final year at school. I'm sooooo far behind now. People my age are starting families. I just want to get a foot on the ladder. What do I do

What are you talking about? Trying to get a girlfriend? Hey good luck, I'm the wrong person to ask. Although I will say that women have needs that they need fulfilled too and they need men to do it so just be there at the right time with a woman in your league who isn't already being targeted by 29 other guys and eventually you'll win.

 

[aj]

A girlfriend would be nice, but it would be a great start to find one person who would be a friend and, say, ask if I wanted to join them in doing something. I understand you need to give something back. But you can't do that they never give you the chance to do it.

I don't know. I tried, I tried and I tried again. I don't have any more people left to ask.

 

[Liberty]

A girlfriend would be nice, but it would be a great start to find one person who would be a friend and, say, ask if I wanted to join them in doing something. I understand you need to give something back. But you can't do that they never give you the chance to do it.

I don't know. I tried, I tried and I tried again. I don't have any more people left to ask.

hehe, that's weird. I have the exact opposite problem. In the past I've avoided every social gathering that comes up and people want me to go to be part of the group but I never do. So now I get picked on for never going. It's like they're desperate for me to spend time with them lol. I know that's not really the case though. It just comes with the territory for being in a work team.

I'm sure if you just hang out at work and keep to yourself eventually someone will see if you want to join some other dudes for beer or something. It's inevitable.

 

[aj]

Not to throw it back in your face and I know you can't say much to it, but I don't work at the moment. I tried that kind of thing when I did work from July 2007 to November 2009 and I felt awesome. It didn't work. So I tried everything else. That didn't work either.

 

[Liberty]

Not to throw it back in your face and I know you can't say much to it, but I don't work at the moment. I tried that kind of thing when I did work from July 2007 to November 2009 and I felt awesome. It didn't work. So I tried everything else. That didn't work either.

No one ever invited you anywhere? Weird. I was pretty anti-social before I got SA and it seemed like people were always inviting me places and I never went. Now I still usually don't go but I wish I could and hang out like everyone else. I do go sometimes but it seems pretty pointless to me. I have no desire to hang out with anyone besides a woman anyway. Although plenty of men need to hang out with other guys to get away from their women so maybe that's the next step lol.

If you have no job and don't ever see any people it's going to be hard to hang out with people and get to know them. People without SA are usually very social so just don't put any pressure on yourself and I'm sure someone will invite you somewhere.

 

[aj]

What I hate is that work and everything else sounds great but has always been hugely disappointing in reality.

Maybe I should go to a nightclub on my own to try to be a person my age and speak to women? Surely just for starting out, if I wait long enough somebody will be drunk enough to come up to me!?

 

[DanFC]

No one ever invited you anywhere? Weird. I was pretty anti-social before I got SA and it seemed like people were always inviting me places and I never went.

I think some people are just more approachable. I'm anything but. All my time in college and work, the very few people I've become at least acquaintances with took a lot of time and effort on my part.

 

[aj]

Oh well. Can anyone please suggest any clubs (this time as in activity groups) I could think about joining... somewhere normal, where I might meet other 22 year olds, but not too expensive and not too full on? In other words, not a five day a week acting group ::