spaceboy135
Well-known member
This whole "don't measure your performance" and "don't judge yourself" thing is so new to me. From constantly looking back over my posts and threads and making sure I didn't look stupid anywhere, to making sure I sounded witty or smart or cool or funny or normal everywhere in the post. In real life: making sure I look normal on my face when talking to someone, staring at my face in the mirror and looking for any imperfections in my muscles. All the measuring and judging. All the second guessing. Second guessing the way I said something I said to someone, or second guessing what I said publicly (not a toast) at my brother's wedding, second guessing everything. It covers me like a swarm of bees. And even wondering how I sound to you right now. And the story I wrote today called Parallel George (posted it on the "Texts, Poems, etc." forum), I wonder if that was a stupid idea or not, or if people will think less of me for it or not, if they'll think I have too much time on my hands and am a lonesome loser.
This whole "don't measure your performance" thing, in light of all this, is earth-shattering news to me. It's going to change a lot around here. It's a big burden to leave behind-- something easier to drop than to carry. But the funny thing is, your grip on such a thing-- slackening your grip on the reins of yourself in appearance, actions, words, and thoughts-- is difficult to relinquish. You need a crowbar to pry the reins out of your hands! Slowly but surely, I'll do it...
This whole "don't measure your performance" thing, in light of all this, is earth-shattering news to me. It's going to change a lot around here. It's a big burden to leave behind-- something easier to drop than to carry. But the funny thing is, your grip on such a thing-- slackening your grip on the reins of yourself in appearance, actions, words, and thoughts-- is difficult to relinquish. You need a crowbar to pry the reins out of your hands! Slowly but surely, I'll do it...
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