O_O Help!

[Helyna]

There's a long story before I get to today's issue, so bear with me...

There was this boy in PE and science with me in ninth grade. He was from India, and I always like to get to know foreign people. So we started talking in the long times during PE that we didn't have to do anything.
At the time, I was looking everywhere for a boyfriend (everyone else had one). Well, he definitely liked me, and I had so few friends who were boys that I saw any as a potential boyfriend. So one day he snuck onto the subject of boyfriends and asked me if I liked him. I said yes.
I kept laughing that day because I was nervous and happy. He kept asking me why I was laughing, and I tried to explain. "Do I make you nervous?" he asked. Who asks that? And what did he really think of me laughing?
That was my fifteenth birthday. He was seventeen. He had probably had a girlfriend before. I hadn't, and wanted to go very slowly - get to know him, go places, then start thinking more about boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.
Well, the next time he got to talk to me was a few days later. We were walking around the track in PE. The conversation went something like this:
Him: Do you like movies?
Me: Well, some, but I don't watch many.
Him: Do you like James Bond?
Me: I haven't seen any. Do you?
Him: Yes. There's a lot of kissing in James Bond movies.
Me: Yeah....
Him: Do you like kissing?
Me: (Uh... what?) I've never kissed anyone.
Him: Do you want to?
Me: (WHAT???) Now?
Him: Yes.
Me: (I hardly know you! We haven't even seen each other outside of school!) We're at school. We aren't allowed to do that.
Him: I don't care.
I DO!!!!!!
That was the end of that. I couldn't talk to him anymore. I was too nervous. I kept looking at him, trying to smile, but I just couldn't stand to say anything - I didn't know what to say. I was afraid he'd ask again. Also, he tended to sneak onto subjects, as I've mentioned, so I never knew what he was thinking, and people I can't read terrify me.
I felt horribly guilty because I could never explain to him. The next year, I kept looking for him, but he obviously moved somewhere else. I eventually stopped thinking too much about him, but the memory still bothered me. My mom, when I finally told her all this, said that he should know what he did wrong and why I stopped talking to him, and he had pretty much deserved it, so I shouldn't feel guilty.

That all happened two and a half years ago almost exactly. I haven't talked to him since.
He sent me a message on Facebook today.
"Heyyy wassup?
Remember me ?"
8O
What do I do?! Respond? Friend him? What????? It's a nice enough message, but remember how he doesn't start a conversation with the thing he really wants to say? I don't want to insult him, but I don't want to get back into an uncomfortable situation!! I want to forget this! What do I DO?

 

[Eledee]

hi helyna

i understand that must have been a bit of a shock for you. But as you already said, the last time you saw him was 2 and a half years ago.

And from the sounds of things he made u feel pretty uncomfortable. unless you feel you want to pick up where you left off, maybe you should just ignore his friend request.

after all, he made you feel uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to deal with that again. but maybe 2 and a half years on you might feel better able to deal with his conversations.

good luck with whatever u decide.

 

[Eledee]

hi helyna

i understand that must have been a bit of a shock for you. But as you already said, the last time you saw him was 2 and a half years ago.

And from the sounds of things he made u feel pretty uncomfortable. unless you feel you want to pick up where you left off, maybe you should just ignore his friend request.

after all, he made you feel uncomfortable, you shouldn't have to deal with that again. but maybe 2 and a half years on you might feel better able to deal with his conversations.

good luck with whatever u decide.

 

[Slothrop]

Kids these days are strange.

You have no obligation to communicate with someone you don't want to communicate with. I know that Facebook apparently makes things seem much more important than they are, but the truth is that this is two sentences (with bad grammar at that) that took very little effort to send from someone you apparently barely know and seem to not be interested in talking to anyway. There isn't much of a question there.

That said, it sounds a lot like you just want people to confirm your instinctual reaction. I know, I've been there. When you have social anxiety, you want to convince yourself that irrational reactions are rational, and that it's "normal" and "understandable" to do things that might otherwise make you feel like you're "abnormal" or "crazy".

Do you really want to limit your life because when you were fifteen a boy wanted to kiss you? If you ignore this, are you going to wonder what might have happened if you talked to him? Is it really worth trading the possibility that talking to him will make you uncomfortable for the probability that not talking to him will perpetuate your anxiety and make you more uncomfortable talking to other people?

Think about it, anyway. Nobody can tell you what to do.

 

[Helyna]

Slothrop, I have probably read over half of your eleven posts so far, and I have concluded that you are too wise for me.
I'll think about it. Thanks.