OCD breakdown.....can anyone relate?

[Screw OCD]

Well I have had OCD for about 2 years, I am 20 now, and take 300mg of fluvoxamine. I have succesfully beaten many of my obsessions and compulsions, but they always take their twists and turns. I recently have gone though some extremely tough moments in my life, and my OCD is kind of getting worse. I have had about every compulsion, and obession in the book.

To be specific my worst ones are:
Fear of something bad happening to my family/friends, epecially since one of these events has actually happened !

troublesome with sexaul thoughts/ feelings, especially when there combined with religion

Degrading sexaul thoughts, and when I get anxious I become sexaully compulsive, and since im not in a relationship, i have weird and degrading experiences with masturbating to porn. I can go on and on about this but to simplify it, I have really wierd sexual obessions.

Completey obessesd about relgion sometimes. I was raised a christian and every time I read the bible i get extremely confused and angry at certain things the bible says.

Every violent feeling I have is always aimed at he things that I dont want them aimed at. For example I always seem to get bad intrusive thoughts toward my mom, or somethign that I care about more than other things.

Before I had OCD i was a happy camper.

On the lighter side I am a pretty happy individual, who for the most part has handled OCD pretty well, but on my bad days ( like today) I feel like a complete mess. I feel like a violent, perverted piece of scum sometimes. I also feel like a dweeb alot of the times too, because my OCD always seems to attack stuff that I dont want to feel bad about.

Sorry for my ramble, I just need to whine sometimes.

Also some of these feelings and urges have become so strong, that I dont know if Im really messed up or just have bad OCD.

I try to be the best caring, thoughtful, and loving person, but sometiems I end up feeling like a utter waste. I have worked my ass off in many areas, and it's really frustrating to see no results sometiems.

Are all these common OCD symptoms?
I am about to go see a councelor, should I do this?

Can anyone relalte, with these messed up sexual and religious feelings?

What are some suggestions for handling some of my thoughts?

 

[planemo]

For me I have an extreme anxiety disorder, and it lead to severe OCD, but since I have treated my anxiety with meds it's made me feel much better. The first thing you have to realise is that you're a fearful person, and this makes you worry about things you care for. If you have an intrusive thought about wanting to hurt your mom, it just means you're so scared of ever hurting your mom, you're beginning to internally panic and your mind tends to think of the worst, most negative things when you're panicked.

You just have to learn not to fear certain things. It sounds really simple but I'm sure as you know it's not. The first thing to realise is that you are overly fearful of something. You have to try and understand why that is, and to basically convince yourself that your reaction of fear is over the top and unnecessary. If you realise this you will cope better.

And yes going to a counsellor may help. If your anxiety and fear is out of control you may need more meds to help you. If it isn't that bad, just speaking of your fears will help. The most important thing is not to go into a shell, when you feel down. If you can calm yourself, perhaps by meditating or even better involve yourself with others, as a distraction then do it. Being someone who is isolated when in this state is not good. Good luck, I hope this helps...