Och aye the noo

[Graeme1988]

Like last night, my mum had misplaced some concert tickets for next month. And she spent ages going through all the evelops - cuz they get opened, checked, then put in the cabinet in the living room. The whole she's going:

"Are ye sure ye ordered them? Where are they, then?", she says, getting frustrated as she goes through evelop after evelop. And there are other concert tickets in the pile from past shows, which haven't been put in the photo album specifically bought for those tickets. As well, as banks states "that she needs" stuffed in evelops with concert tickets. "A right f**kin' mess! This is what it's like living with a hoarder who refuses to organise the things she keeps h:

Then she gets all huffy when I merely suggest: "Why no keep aw the bank states and concerts tickets seperate, saves getting muddled like this?". She just response, saying "Aye" in a passive-aggressive manner. Which is the standard response to me, like. Since everytime I make a helpful suggestion it's angrily dismissd. As my mother always got to have things her way.

He looks like his dad, therefore he is. Like father, like son. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm at the end of my rope, just wondering if ah should kick the chair oot Sorry, that's a bit dark joke, but then things are pretty bleak for me compared to this time last year. When I was promised things would change and be different. Still waiting on that change to occur, since it did involve how ma mum treats me. Shouldnae really come to expect her following through on that promise anytime soon, like.

Anyway, I'm getting more miserable by the day. :sad: :crying:
Whit's wrong, they keep askin' me. Well, for a f**kin' start...

• I'm not allowed to decide how I spend my own money!
• Nor am I allowed to express anything that might considered harsh criticism of my own mother, because my sisters believe she does no wrong, and like them, is f**kin' perfect. But they're not the ones still living with her.
• For the last 12 years, I've had to tolerate my mum complain about something every single day, from the moment I wake up. :kickingmyself:
• I have to just accept that everyone around me will continuously disappoint me. No matter what I ask of them, it too much for them.
• Every decision I make is wrong and/or stupid. Therefore, I'm an idiot. Or so my mum tells and I'm just supposed to agree with her on that one. Otherwise I risk getting stabbed by her... again.

No, ah don't know how I put with this, either. It's like living inside a Stephen King novel. It's probably the fact I'm the youngest, and therefore most likely to outlive my parents and older sisters.

 

[theslowesthand]

So it's back-to-black again, eh?
But donnae worry, things will get better in time...

 

[Graeme1988]

So it's back-to-black again, eh?

Yep! Pretty much. Not much else to say in that regard.

But donnae worry, things will get better in time...

Ye think so, huh? I'm less optimistic, like. Don't see much changing, ah wus promised last year that things would change drastically for me post-surgery in more ways than just how I was walking and getting about. Nut, things huv'nae changed ataw. Just got worse, which has led me to become more detached and distance from my family. Though, I've stopping seeing that as a negative.

That said I did overhear this exchange between my mum and older sister shortly after getting out o' my bed after a long lie-in:

"F**kin' nag, that's all you seem tae bloody done", my sister says as she storms off to the kitchen.
"But ah...", my mum says, pleading. As I hear the kettle being turned on.
"Ah dinnae git you ataw, like. Ah really don't...", my sister says, loud enough for me to hear it in my room. But ah couldnae tell if she wus saying this to herself, out-loud. Or to my mum who wus in the living room. All I know is, when I came down with my empty pot-noodle container, there was utter silence in the living room. They didnae even shout through as I was making my way downstairs.​

Prior to this wee exchange, my mum comes into my room, asks me if I getting up or having a lie-in. I answer with the latter of those two options. Upon me giving my answer, what does she do... ? F**kin' complains! mg:

"Oh, ma hip's sore", in a tone that's suppose to make me feel sympathy for her. And I would, if this complaint - or so various of it - wasn't the first thing said to me, every morning. :kickingmyself:​

And as I routinely point out to her: "Ma legs are sore everyday, but ye never hear me complain about them". And you don't, I just endure the pain and get oan with it.

Huv'nae got time for that self-pitying, feeling sorry for one's self b*llocks, anyway. Never have, guess I get that from my dad, who was the very same if ye constantly complained about something. If ye ask me if ma legs were sore, I'd tell ye straight-up - "Aye". And that'd be all that's said on the matter. Wouldnae be daein this:

Besides, my mum cannae blame anyone but herself, since she forever bemoaned the fact she didnae keep herself fit over the years. Says she needs to lose weight, never does it. But, apparently, it's super c*nty to point that if she didnae spend as much time lying on the living room couch, sleeping or watching the telly, perhaps she's lose weight then?

But hey, I'm more than use to being the one in ma family that naebuddy listens to, as I told my mum yesterday after yet another trivial argument. As well as me gets laughed at for merely being calm, sensible and considerate. Since my family favours the dumb, loud, obnoxious, implusive, narcisistic method of act first, think never. Look at him there, calm as f**k, thinking through his decisions afore he commits to 'em. Pfft... what a f**kin' bell-end, man! :sarcastic:

 

[Graeme1988]

:veryangry: Getting really f**kin' sick o' having to hear my mum complain everytime I wake-up in the morning. :kickingmyself: I'm verge of slapping her and telling her to shut the f**k up! Not that I condone domestic abuse, like. But d'ye ever get to that point you've heard someone says depressing things to the point where you just lose yer rag with them?

"Oh, ma hip's sore. Ah hate this town, wish ah could run away" No, "Morning, goodnight's sleep?"​

Just complains about how shite life is, first thing every morning. And she wonders why I'm always in a shit mood and never smile. But then she'll be on the phone to my older sister - the middle child - and our mum'll be all happy and cheery. :idontknow:

All I know is, I'm fed hearing her complaints aw the time. The irony being is I get guff for spouting the same negativity. Well, when ye hear something enough times, eh?

Wish she'd tell them to someone who gives a f**k, cuz ah sure don't. Not anymore. Nae sympathy fae me, like. That's bridge wus burnt long ago.

Yet, I'm the one with the shit life, but ye never hear talking the way my mum does. Besides, if she f**kin' hates where she lives so much, why doesn't she just move somewhere else, and leave me in piece. I'm much happier without her anyway. No matter how much she says she couldnae live with me, she doesnae half like to remind me that I was the child she never really wanted.

But, apparently, I bare aw the blame for why we're not as close as we used to be. Me and me alone. My mum's controlling, domineering, nagging nature has f**k all to do with it, of course. h:

 

[Graeme1988]

You forgot?! Well, how f**kin' convenient fur you, eh? Why am I always last to know anything in this family? And d'ye always ask me to do a search on some website, beit eBay or whatever shopping you've telt me to go on, at 10 o'clock at night! Afore going to bed, when ye hud aw day tae ask.

See this why ah never ask or tell you anything. But then I'm expected to know and remember everything aroon here. And do the things yous are too bloody lazy to do yersel'. Age is no f**kin' excuse, stop makin' it yin! And this self-pitying, dour attitude, "Oh, but ah cannae do it". The way you gan on, it's a wonder you've no offed yersel', cuz by f**k ye make me want to take ma own life. :kickingmyself:

Complain day in, day oot. Never bloody happy, are ye? Summit's always wrang, innit?

Say whit ye want abbot my dad, aye, he was right abusive c*nt at times, but I never once heard him wallow in his misery. That's the difference between him and you, as parent. He didnae just accept his lot in life, it could always be better if ye made a bit of an effort. But that be asking too much of you, wouldn't it? What do I know, eh? Struggling everyday just function like a normal person, having to put up with levels of stupidity that you'd think adults wouldnae be capable.

Oh, and while we're on that topic. Why is everything I decided to do, stupid? Everything I buy, a waste of money? And every opinion, or thought of mine, wrong? I can't seem to do anything right, can I? :idontknow:

 

[theslowesthand]

That said I did overhear this exchange between my mum and older sister shortly after getting out o' my bed after a long lie-in:

"F**kin' nag, that's all you seem tae bloody done", my sister says as she storms off to the kitchen.
"But ah...", my mum says, pleading. As I hear the kettle being turned on.
"Ah dinnae git you ataw, like. Ah really don't...", my sister says, loud enough for me to hear it in my room. But ah couldnae tell if she wus saying this to herself, out-loud. Or to my mum who wus in the living room. All I know is, when I came down with my empty pot-noodle container, there was utter silence in the living room. They didnae even shout through as I was making my way downstairs.​

I would tend to think that the sister was sayin that to the mother.

 

[theslowesthand]

Have ye ever written a list of all yer mum's annoying/etc qualities/habits/ways? I think it would be quite long indeed!

 

[Graeme1988]

Have ye ever written a list of all yer mum's annoying/etc qualities/habits/ways? I think it would be quite long indeed!

Long list?

Don't think so. And, no, I've not considered writing a list of all my mum's annoying ways. Maybe I should? :question: Given how it's usually her annoying side I have to deal with.

 

[Graeme1988]

I would tend to think that the sister was sayin that to the mother.

Aye, she probably was. It just a short distance from the living room to the kitchen in my house, and my bedroom is just above the kitchen. So, if I hsve my room door open, I tend to hear one-side of a conversation or argument.

 

[Graeme1988]

What a shite day I've had...

Went through a lotta bureaucratic b*locks to renew my disabled parking badge, when I could've just handed my forms in at my local library. So travelled all the way to Annan Town Hall for nothing. :veryangry:

And I broke the desk mirror I use in the bathroom while shaving. It slipped off the table and smashed. :kickingmyself: As per usual, my mum thought I was just having a laugh when ah telt her what happened. h:

 

[Graeme1988]

Just trying to decide if getting a decal sticker for my guitar headstock would be a good idea? :question: Consider my custom shop Fender guitar has a replacement neck, but nae logos on the headstock. The decal would be to make it look like it was previously. Not that ah intend to try and sell it, like. :idontknow:

Also, my oldest sister met one of my old schoolmates in the local Tesco supermarket where I live, and they got chatting about me. mg: My old schoolmate wus asking for me. But I don't know if I should get in touch with him, since I don't know if I've changed much in the last 10 years.

 

[Graeme1988]

"I'm no tryin' tae influence yer next decision for a tattoo, I'm just sayin'..."​

Says my oldest sister, as she "suggests" which tattoo to get done next. h:

Anyway, that's me got the Scottish Saltire flag tattoo booked in for 2 months time.

Huv'nae really done much for the past 2 days, been feeling really tired. And my oldest sister is also worried about how I'll manage gan doon a flight o' stairs on Sunday. So much for having that surgery done, eh? :kickingmyself: And yet, they still underestimate me. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

My mum's no too happy with me getting another tattoo.

Which is funny, but slightly irritating cuz she's always viewing everything I do as something overly negative. :thumbdown: But ah kinda try to remind myself that she doesnae huv to always approve of everything I decide to do.

Oh, by the way, any musicians on here with recording experience? Just wondering how do I best go aboiut recording individual instruments? I've opted for this software, since it was recommended to me by a family friend who does some recording himself.

Ah wus just wondering which instrument should I track first? Since I got some virtual instrument plugins that I'm also looking to use for a instrumental cover I'm going to record soon.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Why would your mum be upset about another tatt?

She's not the one getting it. You're spending your own money (I presume).
What diff does it make to her?

 

[Graeme1988]

Why would your mum be upset about another tatt?

Oh, the usually complaints. Doesn't like the look o' them, etc.
Doesn't think I suit them, makes me look more intimidating than I actually am.

She's not the one getting it. You're spending your own money (I presume).
What diff does it make to her?

Aye, I'm spending my own money on the tattoos, now. My sister payed for my first tattoo, as an early birthday present, but said I have pay for any tattoos after that. It'll just be £90 pounds at the most, and I've got 2 months to save up for it. So... :idontknow: Guess my mum enjoys having a moan about stuff she doesnae like. h:

 

[Graeme1988]

Had quite a productive day today. Lost myself in being creative, which helped alleviate my boredom. Though, trying to turn 24 DVDs worth of varied synth, guitar, bass and drum samples into a song is a lot harder without someone else's input. But it still fun. Bring back memories of the time me and one of my schoolmates made a catchy trance song using this eJay software.

 

[Graeme1988]

Don't know if it's because it's getting lighter in the evenings, or me typical worrying and stressing as per usual, but ah huv'nae been able to get a good night's sleep fur four days noo. h:

On the plus side, I'm back to being less knackered and more focused. Got 3 music ideas recorded in the last 2 days. I'm no a hundred percent confident that they're any good, like. :idontknow: But yin idea has the potential to become a full song, provided I don't alter the first 12 seconds and just keep fleshing it out. Though, I wish I understood music theory a bit better, since it's difficult not knowing how to best transition from intro to verse and have it not sound shite, y'know? :thinking:

For all my oldest sister's bigging up, I don't really have an "ear" for music in the way someone who's studied it has, I just know how I'd like something to sound. Or I'll have a clear idea of the sound I'm going for in my head, but that's all. I usually just fiddling about until I get a sound close enough to my initial idea, or it'll spark another idea.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm kinda apprehensive about letting my family hear the music I've cobbled together, but then I need to hear it through speaker to check the mix? h: My main reason for being so reticent is because I know what ma sister's gonnae say if I let her hear ma ideas.
She's going to compare me to this guy... mg:

⇩​

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOV5WXISM24
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwZVZ5qZnoA

"See?! Whit did ah tell ye?! Yer the new Calvin Harris, wee man!"​

Anyway, I'll yap more the morrow.

 

[Graeme1988]

What a mental weekend I've had. No gettin' much rest, either. Me, my mum and oldest sister are gan to a comedy gig in Glasgow the tomorrow, then me n' ma sister are trekking up to Edinburgh for another yin on Friday. Anyway, the weekend, there...


Saturday, March 11th 2017

Ah wake-up at about mid-day. My mum complains as per usual. Didnae do much most o' the day. Then, at about half past six that evening, ma mum comes upstairs, walks intae ma room withoot so much as a knock, a towel over her left arm and goes:

Mum: "Right !"
Me: "Eh?!"
Mum: "You. Shower. Now. C'mon!"
Me: "Cun ah no git yin the morn afore ah gan tae Glasgow, like ah used tae?"
Mum: "Nut. Doonstairs, now... Mon you!", as she points to the stairs. "Lets walk n' talk"
Me: "About what?"
Mum: "Steam navigation!", she's says enthusiastically.
Me: mg: h: "Fur fuc... sake!", I mutter to myself as I walk downstairs, mum 2 steps in front of me.​

See?! This is kinda daft, stupid, eccentric shite ah huv tae endure on an almost daily basis fae ma mum. :kickingmyself: :veryangry: Oh, but it gets worse...