Nelly
Member
I haven't been happy in years..I'm finished school and haven't talked to anyone in months and i'm feeling so lonely and sad. I've made so many mistakes over the years, i came off the wrong way and i need help to forget about it all and move on. There is one particular incident that i'm feeling really really bad about it, i was depressed for a while just thinking about it and feeling so guilty about it! I feel i need to just let it out, i don't really have anyone i can tell this to, so if you could take the time to read this i really appreciate it!!
A few months ago i was at my debs (prom). I didn't have anyone to bring so my cousin suggested that i bring her other cousin Shane, i've known him for a few years when we were younger and so i thought why not!..We went to the debs anyways and i was kinda weird. I didn't make much of an effort with him or anyone else really, i was very odd..i suppose i was always like that and that's why i feel so guilty about the last few years. Anyways i was shy and nervous, he was talking away and i barely said anything and he was looking at me like is she ok?!..Even at the table i was just nodding away and said nothing, i was so rude to him! when were dancing for some reason i went into a bit of a daze just the song wasn't that good, he was looking at me weird and he put is hand out to dance and i just looked away..why did i do that i have no idea!..i don't know what was wrong with me!!!.. I was even very quiet with my friends and i felt like i was in a bit of a daze..He ended up getting with one of my friends!! He asked me if he could go dance with her and i couldn't really say no and since i was the worst date ever he might as well dance with someone fun! They ended up getting together..i got a bit jealous and had one too many drinks and may have said something really stupid to him, like talking to him about it and babling on like a right tool..he was so nice to me, too nice to me and i was a complete ass!! He made such an effort and i came off as ignorant rude and stubborn..the drink didn't help. I don't think my friends were too happy with me either..
I feel so bad and the worst thing is i don't actually mind because their actually really good together and they suit each other and all i can think is that i was such an idiot and that's how he is gonna think of me and i'm afraid if they end up together, he is gonna think i'm upset over it or jealous but i'm not!! I hate myself for it! I hate myself for being like that my whole life!! I would do anything to take it back!!
He hasn't talked to me since and i wanted to be friends but i don't deserve his friendship anyways!! I can't stop thinking about it..!!
I just needed to get that out and i know it sounds like nothing but the guilt is really eating me up and i realised how i acted the last few years in school and that adds to the guilt!!
A few months ago i was at my debs (prom). I didn't have anyone to bring so my cousin suggested that i bring her other cousin Shane, i've known him for a few years when we were younger and so i thought why not!..We went to the debs anyways and i was kinda weird. I didn't make much of an effort with him or anyone else really, i was very odd..i suppose i was always like that and that's why i feel so guilty about the last few years. Anyways i was shy and nervous, he was talking away and i barely said anything and he was looking at me like is she ok?!..Even at the table i was just nodding away and said nothing, i was so rude to him! when were dancing for some reason i went into a bit of a daze just the song wasn't that good, he was looking at me weird and he put is hand out to dance and i just looked away..why did i do that i have no idea!..i don't know what was wrong with me!!!.. I was even very quiet with my friends and i felt like i was in a bit of a daze..He ended up getting with one of my friends!! He asked me if he could go dance with her and i couldn't really say no and since i was the worst date ever he might as well dance with someone fun! They ended up getting together..i got a bit jealous and had one too many drinks and may have said something really stupid to him, like talking to him about it and babling on like a right tool..he was so nice to me, too nice to me and i was a complete ass!! He made such an effort and i came off as ignorant rude and stubborn..the drink didn't help. I don't think my friends were too happy with me either..
I feel so bad and the worst thing is i don't actually mind because their actually really good together and they suit each other and all i can think is that i was such an idiot and that's how he is gonna think of me and i'm afraid if they end up together, he is gonna think i'm upset over it or jealous but i'm not!! I hate myself for it! I hate myself for being like that my whole life!! I would do anything to take it back!!
He hasn't talked to me since and i wanted to be friends but i don't deserve his friendship anyways!! I can't stop thinking about it..!!
I just needed to get that out and i know it sounds like nothing but the guilt is really eating me up and i realised how i acted the last few years in school and that adds to the guilt!!