Others Are Starting To Worry About Me

N

NVN

Active member
Lately I have been talking to my parents about my troubles with depression and social anxiety etc. I am 26 years old and live on my own so I have not lived with my parents for quite some time.

Anyways, they are starting to worry and they usually do not care at all about me. My mom and dad are certain that I am going to commit suicide. I had the most awkward conversation of my entire life yesterday with my mom. I told her everything and how much this all impacts my life. She ended up crying and I felt terrible. She went on and on about how it was all "her fault" and made me feel like crap.. even lower than I already was.

My dad caught drift of this conversation we had and drove out unexpectedly to see me today. He said he was worried. My dad NEVER talks to me. We then proceeded to have the worst conversation of my life. I found out that I guess he thinks I am gay since I have never really had any relationships. He said I should try find a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I sunk even lower. I am definitely not gay! Thanks for thinking that....

At least now I know what my parents really think of me and my life. My mom blames herself and my dad thinks I am gay. Great. I have to go to a funeral on the weekend and will end up spending a few nights at there house. I can only imagine the time I will have.

I wish they would stay out of my life since they are definitely not helping. I know they care.... but it just is not working.

Man how I wish I could be normal.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
the silver lining is...

your parents really love you and care about you

that's awesome!
 
N

NVN

Active member
I fear they are going to have me sent for a mental evaluation. I really do not need that path. I don't know why I am sharing this. I guess to get it off my chest.

I feel like I am a black hole sucking out all the life and happiness from everyone around me. I am better off with my mouth shut. Things were better when they did not know.
 
LazyHermitCrab

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
It seems like you haven't opened up to them much before so it was a shock? Maybe you should communicate more so they don't jump to conclusions. They care about you i mean when you mention feeling like a black hole in an above comment that would worry me too >.>
 
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twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
NVN said:
I fear they are going to have me sent for a mental evaluation. I really do not need that path. I don't know why I am sharing this. I guess to get it off my chest.

.
Click to expand...

You're 26 years old. They can't do that (though they may try to encourage it).

Do you know where your problem has stemmed from? Do you know why you are the way you are? If you do - you don't need to share it with anyone - but it would help you to try and figure out where things have gone wrong and try and do something about it. Or, if nothing else, begin to accept yourself for how you are because you understand the reasoning behind it.
 
Shant

Shant

Well-known member
coyote said:
the silver lining is...

your parents really love you and care about you

that's awesome!
Click to expand...
The problem is, even if they love and care about someone, even with the best intentions, parents can still end up hurting their child in some way. And then the child gets somewhat resentful about it. Then shame, for feeling resentful towards parents who seem to love them. I'm just now working to get over that, and that sounds similar to this situation in some ways.

I'm having the same issue with others (as well as with my parents) too. I'm so convinced others won't worry about me, but now that it almost seems like others do worry about me, there's a lot of tension. It's so unbelievable that I think they're just lying.

Like everyone else here said, do you know where these problems may have came from? For one, "My dad NEVER talks to me", doesn't sound very good.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Oh gosh I want your parents!! :) lol (I think?)

My Dad is very anti-gay, and the only options for him are 'marriage' or 'become a nun'! grr!

Oh, and your mum actually blames herself? Wow! Mine just think something is wrong with us!

(She said she may have blamed herself in the past, but when I heard about it it was 'I used to blame myself and don't anymore!' while still not correcting her ways that have contributed to this. The most she can admit is 'We're not ideal either'. Grr!)

So, the sooner you can accept your parents are not 'ideal' the better... You may find online other people have even worse parents than you, and it may cheer you up a bit..

Are you working and earning money? Then at least you've got that covered. Are they fearing you might be suicidal? Then explain to them you're not.

Maybe if you mention something like depression can also come from unrecognized celiac disease or food sensitivities, it would make them feel better? (My parents would totally prefer me having something 'diagnosable' grr!)

Funerals suck, prepare to be miserable. Maybe promise yourself something relaxing for others, or bring good books. (Distraction, not 'intellectual' good books.. I found it helpful to read fiction books with characters dealing with grief and death somewhat too.. though sis warned me not to)

Who died? Were they close to you..? Factors that may matter... You may feel sucky because of this, or a combination of factors.. Read up on the grief cycle, it may be helpful to you.. and your parents..
Was this someone close to them? Then it may be a shock for them too, and difficult on its own.. They may be suffering too, and it could be 'double-shock' for them and they might take it worse as otherwise.. (They might fear losing you too..)

Some relatives of people who died have taken meds to pass it through.. Have your parents had any experience with depression or sa? Any other relatives with this? (I think Granny was depressed for the past few years but she wouldn't hear of it)

When you say 'miserable', people may have a different idea of what 'miserable' is.. (based on personal experience)
Some people may find the level of pain expressed by a depressed person or someone with sa 'intolerable' (or may see it as worse than it really is). This was probably a big shock for them, yup.

My dad thinks 'finding someone' and 'getting a job' (or 'finding god') may solve all one's problems too, yup. I wonder how many parents like that are out there. They just don't know of any better solutions.. Psychology is an alien concept for them. (Are they Libras?) They just don't know what to do or say.. (I wish there were a bootcamp for relatives of someone going though depression or misery or PMS, Oops.)

Anyway, take care, hope you survive the funeral etc!

Maybe some of it was your mom's fault (eg it sounds like she may be prone to negative thinking and 'awfulizing' too?) These negative patterns of speech and thought can get transferred through generations.. It's not gonna help you much if she turns into a 'purple puddle' every time she sees you tho.. Maybe she's going through some personal changes and challenges too, like menopause.. It can be difficult.. Just try to see it as it's not only about you, there may be other factors in their lives too..

As for mental evaluation, if you say you'd rather not right now they will probably understand.. On the other hand, it might be helpful to talk to someone who knows about these things and could help?

I've been depressed before and struggled out of it by myself, with help of books or by being pushed into situations.. It can take a while tho.. So if you could get good help it could maybe even be good.. Depends on your career aspirations somewhat too, would it impact it, would you have stigma or not, etc.

Or you could discuss steps you would be taking with your parents.. Like sign up to workshops/courses etc? Or books/programs you plan to read and do exercises in etc.
 
missinconsistent

missinconsistent

New member
I agree with most of the people here. This sounds like you're life is actually starting to really begin. Opening up will make you feel so much better about yourself and the ones around you. Let them come into your life to a certain extent. I wish I could talk to my parents about things like that. Don't think of it as awkward because many people have these conversations with their parents like this. It's perfectly normal.
You probably are normal, you just don't know it. It would make you abnormal if you didn't think any of this was awkward. It's just something that happens in life. It's not the end of the world. Like I said, just the beginning!
 
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