Kustamogen
Banned
This is more of a venting than anything. Just dunno what to do anymore!! The gf and I have been together almost 11yrs (Im 29). My anxiety was fairly manageable for the first 4 or 5 yrs of the relationship...I was still able to go out with her and do stuff....but the last 5 or 6 years my anxiety as declined rapidly. Im not able to do...well...anything really. Im pretty much hermitized!
The gf has been pretty good about it all. She has done 99% of the coming to see me to hang out and all that. I push myself as much as possible to try and do normal things with her (go to the pub/go to a friends etc). The last few years she has been super busy with 2 jobs and muay thai training almost 3hrs a day. So I see her either not at all or for an hour at night (when shes exhausted). So in summer she was able to buy a house....and we looked and looked and I told her areas I would be comfortable enough to live. Then out of no where her/her parents (they were putting a lot in on the down payment for her) bought a house that was pretty far out of my comfort zone!!! But I decided to move in anyways. But the same **** happened and we never saw each other and I would have to spend the days at my parents (then Id go back "home" at night to be with her for the hours before she would go to bed).
Anyways I decided I cant handle it anymore and am looking for a place of my own near my parents where I am more comfortable. We are both depressed about it all. She tried to help me by not going to the gym on the odd day but that still didnt make things much better, and we fought all the time about her taking more time off from the gym but she wouldnt budge much!
SO now we have the same problem. I feel we never see each other, she knows this but doesnt seem to care as much, and is stressed/upset that she always has to come to me...and that we can never do "normal" couple things. I just dont know if we should keep pushing on and just deal with a relationship that would be awesome if I didnt have my panic disorder, or just end things to make her happier?! I know Im not going to get better anytime in the near future and Im sick of being upset all the time. She resents me if I try and hold her back from anything she likes doing, and I resent her for seeming to not try and be around more.
11yrs is a long time...more than 1/3 of my life!!! Half the things I do to push through my anxiety is to try and make her happy. I think if we ended things I would turn into a agoraphobic hermit! (well...more so than I am)
UGH I dunno what to do....and sorry we just had a fight about everything so Im just typing out my issues....probably doesnt make much sense!
The gf has been pretty good about it all. She has done 99% of the coming to see me to hang out and all that. I push myself as much as possible to try and do normal things with her (go to the pub/go to a friends etc). The last few years she has been super busy with 2 jobs and muay thai training almost 3hrs a day. So I see her either not at all or for an hour at night (when shes exhausted). So in summer she was able to buy a house....and we looked and looked and I told her areas I would be comfortable enough to live. Then out of no where her/her parents (they were putting a lot in on the down payment for her) bought a house that was pretty far out of my comfort zone!!! But I decided to move in anyways. But the same **** happened and we never saw each other and I would have to spend the days at my parents (then Id go back "home" at night to be with her for the hours before she would go to bed).
Anyways I decided I cant handle it anymore and am looking for a place of my own near my parents where I am more comfortable. We are both depressed about it all. She tried to help me by not going to the gym on the odd day but that still didnt make things much better, and we fought all the time about her taking more time off from the gym but she wouldnt budge much!
SO now we have the same problem. I feel we never see each other, she knows this but doesnt seem to care as much, and is stressed/upset that she always has to come to me...and that we can never do "normal" couple things. I just dont know if we should keep pushing on and just deal with a relationship that would be awesome if I didnt have my panic disorder, or just end things to make her happier?! I know Im not going to get better anytime in the near future and Im sick of being upset all the time. She resents me if I try and hold her back from anything she likes doing, and I resent her for seeming to not try and be around more.
11yrs is a long time...more than 1/3 of my life!!! Half the things I do to push through my anxiety is to try and make her happy. I think if we ended things I would turn into a agoraphobic hermit! (well...more so than I am)
UGH I dunno what to do....and sorry we just had a fight about everything so Im just typing out my issues....probably doesnt make much sense!
I've never been in a relationship, so I don't have any personal experience....But, you may be better off. As the saying goes, you can't love someone else until you love yourself. Since you're both going to be away from each other for awhile, you have time to work on yourself without having to worry about pleasing her or wondering what she'll think. 