Please help! OCD makes me afraid to get attached.

[sugartastic]

Hello, I am new here. I have OCD, agoraphobia and panic disorder. I'm eighteen years old.

I need some help, please. Anything, any information would be appreciated more than anything.

Let me explain:

I've had OCD for a long time now. I got the obsessive thoughts about killing my family, hurting myself, and hurting someone accidentally. Those fears scared me for the longest time. I thought I would kill myself or my family and I am NOT suicidal and I would NEVER do these things. Once I learned they were just frightening impulsive thoughts I was fine and they went away.

However, I need to know something else. I have interests in games and shows and things. There's lots of these things I'm a big fan of, and they were one of the only sources of my happiness and my escape from the constant pain of agoraphobia and OCD. These games/shows/books made me HAPPY.

Lately, though, I thought, "What if I lose interest?" and suddenly the whole cycle starts again. I'm so scared to even try to get attached or love the games, shows or even the characters in them. The things that made me happy. Because I'm afraid that I'll lose interesting or that I AM losing interest.

HOWEVER -- here's the thing. I STILL have interest. I still love these things. I just won't allow myself to. I KNOW this has something to do with my OCD. I'm overanaylzing and now I try to force the happy thoughts of the things I love from my mind, and I don't know why! I'm scared to death about losing my source of happiness and peace of mind.

Is this normal? Is it part of OCD?
Please, please help me! I've been looking on Google forever about this kind of stuff, and can't really find anything... Please help me!

 

[YankeeBob]

Thinking of harming family, self ...and others

Hi

Thanks for the courage to share this question with us.

I can't speak for others...only for myself.

My own experience with obsessive thinking to do with anger/resentment was that it gave me a form of righteous indignation.

And that acted as "jet fuel" where I would then run imaginery talks in my head about something that happened. And would then add new clever lines, so that I was the "hero" of my encounter...instead of being the "victim".

Does this connect with you ?

Take care . Be well.

 

[FracturedMirrorGuy]

hey sugar.
This may relate to your experience.
For ages I've really loved music.
But recently, for a while I started associating
music I like with the very OCD type thoughts I was
trying to avoid. Thus I became fearful I would ruin it for myself.
Having read about all this OCD stuff
has really helped, so yeah.
Just watch your shows, and don't worry if you're enjoying
them. If you weren't, you wouldn't care one way or another.
Maybe try and branch out your interests too,
find other stuff you like. That way you have
a larger safety net. Anyone correct me if I'm wrong.