Pressure of career and earning in your 20's

[Richey]

my sister and most of my relatives that are younger and around my age have been to university and passed with flying colours while maintaining a busy active social world, my sister has been lucky enough to achieve a big success in her career in terms of creativity and wage while travelling around the world, she is the perfect daughter to any parent, one of my cousins is prospering in the car design industry and has bought a massive house with his girlfriend, my other cousin is prospering in the science field and the cousins on my mothers side are succesful musicians and nothing can stop their confidence ....

i get comments thrown at me like "wouldn't you like to be like your cousins or your sister" ...

i'm struggling in the final year at university and at the moment i get the feeling that i am supposed to be the odd one out in this family scenario or something because everybody else is living their dream....

then i started thinking, what if i meet a girl and i'm not employed in my career of choice earning enough to sustain a mutual financial relationship if it gets serious, that would eventually become a barrier.

all this stuff pops its head up when you hit your early to mid twenties and im honestly finding the pressure of it similar to climbing mount everest ten times without a break especially now with the recession ..

i know its better to think that you meet someone and all that superficial jargon wont get in the way, however the pressures to fit in and succeed in modern culture is a big weight ....

yeh i can distract myself from the pressure and still have fun sometimes but i find myself feeling down all the time

 

[weak]

..
then i started thinking, what if i meet a girl and i'm not employed in my career of choice earning enough to sustain a mutual financial relationship if it gets serious, that would eventually become a barrier.

Take your insecurities and try to use it as motivation to succeed.

 

[klytus]

my sister and most of my relatives that are younger and around my age have been to university and passed with flying colours while maintaining a busy active social world [...]

This is something I can't understand. There are no significant differences between people when it comes to academic success - or, rather, the ways to achieve it. You have to spend time with the subjects in order to master them, and you can't deduce the knowledge, no matter how bright or capable you are. Everything has to be learned. I admit that some might manage that faster than others, but it still comes down to hard work, which, in turn, requires most of one's waking hours.

Now, those people, not just your relatives, who succeed, do tend to have very active social lives, friends, and both stable romantic and/or purely sexual relationships. I know one of the causes of my solitude and isolation is largely that I declined offers to go to parties and other social events in the past until no one asked me any more. In retrospect, I wouldn't have had the time, anyway. I wouldn't have done something else, something more valuable, in an academic sense, had I gone to the parties and had I been socially active, chasing girls. Plus that my grades aren't really the best.

How do they do it? Getting all those things done in 24 hours sounds almost impossible.

 

[worrywort]

yea man, it's an absolute mission trying to survive in your twenties! at least that's how I'm finding it. I'm 26 atm and the thought of trying to get myself onto the housing ladder just seems so mammoth I'm not sure I'll even make it onto the first rung. I wish estate agents would sell sheds or something, just for a grand or two so I could at least get my foot on the ladder, but the cheapest houses around are like £60,000-£80,000! Even with minimum wage jobs I'm not sure I'd manage to get a mortgage for that.

the truth is, it's gonna take a lot of pain and effort and hard work....which I'm not looking forward to but there's no other way.....well, I could sell all my possessions and live in a tent.....I wouldn't mind that actually!

but yea, I'm the same, my brother and sister and both doing amazingly well for themselves....both own massive houses, are married, with kids, etc.....but the thing is, you never know what's going on inside their hearts and heads. They probably find easy, the things we find hard....but I bet there's a billion things they find hard that we find easy. Plus maybe they've had to conform and lie to themselves just to fit the system and gain success, whereas we've remained true to ourselves......maybe?!.....who knows!

 

[doesit]

yea man, it's an absolute mission trying to survive in your twenties! at least that's how I'm finding it. I'm 26 atm and the thought of trying to get myself onto the housing ladder just seems so mammoth I'm not sure I'll even make it onto the first rung. I wish estate agents would sell sheds or something, just for a grand or two so I could at least get my foot on the ladder, but the cheapest houses around are like £60,000-£80,000! Even with minimum wage jobs I'm not sure I'd manage to get a mortgage for that.

the truth is, it's gonna take a lot of pain and effort and hard work....which I'm not looking forward to but there's no other way.....well, I could sell all my possessions and live in a tent.....I wouldn't mind that actually!

but yea, I'm the same, my brother and sister and both doing amazingly well for themselves....both own massive houses, are married, with kids, etc.....but the thing is, you never know what's going on inside their hearts and heads. They probably find easy, the things we find hard....but I bet there's a billion things they find hard that we find easy. Plus maybe they've had to conform and lie to themselves just to fit the system and gain success, whereas we've remained true to ourselves......maybe?!.....who knows!

been there done that
same situation here OP im nearly in my mid twenties,still stuck with my parents,my borther is younger than me and hes planing on moving out soon,myself dont have any qualications and making only minimum wage.your anxiety doesnt seem that bad,soo keep doing what you do and try to find a GF dont worry about money,its always easier to do things together and especially when planing a future.now i wish i could find someone to support me because its always easier,and makes a task in your life when you need to think not about yourself but about someone who also depends on you.good luck.

 

[Ashiene]

I had a classmate in secondary 4 who represented the school in a basketball team, had 3 girlfriends in a year, was a prefect in my school, had lots of friends in and out of school, goes to parties, had a very active and powerful character in online game GunBound, always scored As and Bs in his subjects, was tall, handsome, good personality, sporty, athletic, tanned, confident. He was like some kind of god.

 

[klytus]

^ Hah. I love those demigods. My school's got one or two, too, and there will definitely be some at university. I can't say I don't sense any jealousy. However, I would love to understand how those people manage their lives. Is it stressful and exhausting for them?

 

[dottie]

it just gets worse. the older you get the more you are expected to be established.

 

[Justas]

I'm in the same ship, a lot of people around me expect a lot from me. But i'm just getting deaper... I'm trying to ignore them, ofcourse you can't ignore them when they are around you, but when you are alone then try to occupy you brain with something else. Comparering yourself to others is very bad thing. I'm comparing myself to others, but now everytime i start comparing myself i'm trying to fight those thougts... Sometimes i win...

 

[HH]

same boat here....29, single, living at home, not many friends, no girlfriend.....on the plus side I'm self-employed, got some cash saved up for when I do get my own place, got my health. I do compare my life to other people the same age but to be honest-who gives a f@*k

 

[Ddarko]

I'm trying to learn to ignore expectations and go my own way. It sounds naive. But the fact is that everyone is really delusional about status and career. We'll all be dead in 70 years anyway... everyone running around blindly until then just to save up so they can relax when their 65... what a life. Tell that to your family and then ask them what difference it makes whether you make a little more money or contribute a little more to the "social fabric". It makes them feel better? That's good... so why can't we do what makes us feel better? Does that really have to involve status and career in the ordinary sense? Hell no. You will talk to people who say they agree... they claim to agree. But what they really mean is that they're okay with it as long as it doesn't upset their expectations. You have to either ignore them or else take it upon yourself to fight them whenever you get the opportunity.

The hard part is that society tries to harness the individual for its own purposes. We are forced to make a living, and the tragedy of a thoughtless job is that it wastes one's energy and passion just for the sake of survival. On the other hand, the tragedy of a respectable career can be the loss of freedom, risk and creativity. Maybe the solution is to try very hard to find a way out of this cycle. Perhaps if one is very dedicated... but most people aren't dedicated: they settle for a "job". Then that fact gets used as evidence that real freedom is impossible: "oh, you can't do that! be realistic... everyone else has to do it." But perhaps people only become realistic because they are realistic... they've become that way inevitably... but does everyone have to be that way?

I think there are always exceptions to the rule... even if people try to convince me otherwise. There are people trapped in menial jobs... and people trapped in respectable careers. Privilege and reputation are just as hard to escape as poverty and infamy.

 

[jamez]

Well, I'm turning 24 soon and not in an ideal situation. I don't get much pressure though which may or may not be a good thing. There are definitely more important things in life than a "good" career and earnings. Although, the $$$ does go a long way in terms of the freedom it provides to chose how YOU want to live and not someone else.

For me, right now, I have a crappy job but it makes a little bit of money and in turn I use that money to invest and also use for other things I've always wanted (hobbies, goods etc.). My social life is almost non-existent right now. I'm satisfied at the time being but I also know I still have bigger expectations in the future for myself.

 

[Walk]

Yup, feelin' it.

I am doing something about it, but sometime I have to remind myself that at times, patience is a virtue.

 

[Fighter86]

Unfortunately, I have cousins who are the same, they have not started working yet, but they are good in school, good grades, good friends, a great life in general. I am just glad I only meet them once or twice a year, if not, I would go nuts with all the comparison that goes on. And I really do feel really crappy after each and every family dinner when I look at just how good they are. For myself now, I'm not earning a good wage, and even this job, I had to lie to get it, and things could seriously be worse, I could be stuck with an even lower paying job, with worse colleagues that the ones I have now.

 

[Emmmmy]

it just gets worse. the older you get the more you are expected to be established.

This sums the whole thing up well I think. The sooner you can decide to not bother about it, the better. Once you satisfy the need of having a 'successful looking job' - another need for being additionally successful will open up.

It's hard though. I get the odd pang of feeling like a failure. It's largely through parent pressure for me.

I sometimes think being successful is not worth it anyway - I'm sure it'll attract trouble from jealous people. Think I'd rather be looked down on than despised for being successful.

 

[fedupoffear88]

I just turned 21, and gonna transfer to a very good univ. starting next month. Yet my parents r a big problem. U guys r lucky enough that no one pushes u around tellin u that you are not good enuf or not smart enuf and constantly comparing you to others.

Check my thread on bad parenting: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/bad-parenting-cause-of-your-social-phobia-19536/

 

[WelshOne]

I just turned 21, and gonna transfer to a very good univ. starting next month. Yet my parents r a big problem. U guys r lucky enough that no one pushes u around tellin u that you are not good enuf or not smart enuf and constantly comparing you to others.

Check my thread on bad parenting: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/bad-parenting-cause-of-your-social-phobia-19536/

It's the opposite for me... my family tell me I could be anything I want to. This puts a lot of pressure on me to live up to those expectations. It's not only from them, though. I have huge expectations on myself, like I wont be happy unless I am at the top of my game. Maybe that's ambition too, or my perfectionist side in part, as well.

I think my goals are perhaps unrealistic, and maybe even fantasty-like.

For some stupid, lame reason I want to impress people. I want people to think highly of me... I want old friends from school to look at my facebook page one day and think "wow, he's a <insert job>?.." Serously lame, but true ::

 

[fedupoffear88]

I'm a perfectionist too and have alot of high expectations for myself and i too always wanna be the best, which just adds extra pressure on me.

 

[Avery]

I'm just another voice in the chorus, looks like. 22, homebound, jobless, friendless, girlfriendless, overweight, balding, etc. etc. I'm a loser par excellence. I feel like an overgrown child, incapable of self-sustenance.

I can't really blame some folks here for saying 'it's best to get over it' and such, but maybe it depends mostly on what you're looking for out of life. I'm essentially a family man -- if I somehow knew that I'd have a happy marriage and healthy kids in the coming years, I really do think I could relax and live a fuller life. It's the prospect of never being a lover, or a husband, or a father that really frightens me. But financial success is genuinely required for starting a family. It's simply irresponsible to have kids without financial security. I can't really get over that sort of thing.

Of course, my anxiety and my avoidance make it really difficult for me to succeed at college (or at even getting a part-time job), and these failures limit my chances at future prosperity, which limits my chances of ever starting a family, which causes me acute anxiety, which makes it more difficult to do well at school, which makes it even harder to interact socially, which means I'll never find a girl, which means the financial security would be useless in the first place, which means I should just give up now, etc., ad infinitum. The cycle can't break unless something gives, and I don't know where to start.

 

[mdjww]

HaHA! I have already seen the great thing!!!