Problems of insignificance.

NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
I’ve gradually come to realize that my perception of myself as utterly insignificant has caused numerous problems. That is, the idea of myself that I don’t count, don’t matter, and so on.

I have hurt others with my absence or silence when I thought it would go unnoticed. I’ve hurt others with my opinions when I didn’t think my opinion would matter.

I’ve been baffled by the idea that someone would remember me, or desire my respect, attention, ideas, and so on. This has caused me to miss opportunities and sometimes react with fear or suspicion when smiling would have been more appropriate.

Please do not interpret this as a plea for people to tell me I matter--doing so in response to this sort of post would feel false and just make me feel bad in the end. I believe that this is largely an irrational notion on my part, and have made some progress with it. What I want is to know if anyone else can relate to this.
 
Mickery

Mickery

Well-known member
Very much so, but I'm working on it. Honest (whether positive or negative) critique from others, unbiased self-assessment, and constantly reminding myself not to pretend I can read minds have been helpful.
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
Yeah, I can relate. I'm quite sure that most people in my (lack of) life don't give a **** about me, what I could think, what I could say, etc.
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Hi :) continued...
everyone matters the same. It's when one person or a lot of people go thinking they are superior (whites over blacks, Christians over Jews etc..)that I get to where I cannot stand society. I know that I matter but my actions when compared to others would suggest to myself that I think I am less important than most and this has been the leading reason I am where I am(nowhere)and I feel as if I have no real significance. I have to change this view of my self so that I can be more content in the world. I am very aware of this lately. I have no idea where to begin the process, or how.
 
B

Beatrice

Guest
Absolutely. It's been my problem since.... I was born, really. Or shortly after that, I suppose. I don't know if it's just social anxiety that I inherited genetically, or if something happened while I was a baby/toddler that convinced me I was worthless. Maybe the unstable family life? But then again, many people go through the same type of thing and don't have social anxiety.

I don't know. But I definitely feel the same way. I'm often shocked when I learn that people actually like me, will miss me when I'm gone, value my opinion, etc. It's quite sad.
 
MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
My mom said the minute I came into the world(she remembers distinctly) I was trying not to upset or worry anyone. That I rarely cried etc...I was an easy baby. I think my feelings of insignificance go back to the moment of my birth in other words. :(
 
U

UnimportantOne

Member
Wow, this is a thread for me, see my nick. :) Anyway, it is a bit strange that such people (myself included) write - if we are not important, nothing we write is important.

One thing I see is a fear of criticism, of being accused of egoism. I am an egoist? Then everybody will hate me, no one will help me, I'll die painfully and alone.

Other thing for me is a desire to be better than some people. I am annoyed by people who think they are the most important person in the world. I want to be better, and it is so easy for me. I don't want to be an egoist, nor to be seen as egoist. And I care little for people, so I cannot care for me. I need to be "just" (as in justice), thus I cannot consider myself more important than others. But possibly these are only my rationalizations.

Unfortunately, this is a false dilemma - egoist or insignificant. You can care for both yourself AND others. Hmm, at least some people can...
 
U

userremoved

Guest
Oh you know I do. I know I'm important to my parents at least, thats what keeps me going. Not sure what I'm gonna do when they pass away though. I'm pretty sure no one wants my attention though, that would be stretching it a bit.
 
TRRobin

TRRobin

Well-known member
I think it's safe to say most SP people feel similarly.

Just curious though, what's your definition of "being significant"?
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
TRRobin said:
Just curious though, what's your definition of "being significant"?
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Speaking for myself, it's really not a matter of definitions or thoughts. It's about feelings. My feelings tell me that I couldn't have any real impact or meaning to another person. No importance or emotional attachment. That I basically don't count, don't matter.
 
L

Lccska

Well-known member
Silence can also speak volumes. You may not address something to or about me, and I could interpret it to mean YOU don't care enough about me to give me an opinion. It's a double edged sword. So....You could forgo speaking your opinion, feeling you are meaningless to me. But, I could interpret it to mean that I am insignificant to you.
 
L

Lccska

Well-known member
I just reread your original post. I think I just repeated what you were saying, if I'm not mistaken. Silence can be devastating. I imagine your opinion of yourself being insignificant has been misread as a great deal more....which is where I think you were going with this.
 
BlueDays

BlueDays

1
Lccska said:
Silence can also speak volumes. You may not address something to or about me, and I could interpret it to mean YOU don't care enough about me to give me an opinion. It's a double edged sword. So....You could forgo speaking your opinion, feeling you are meaningless to me. But, I could interpret it to mean that I am insignificant to you.
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^very true.


I also have a problem with not thinking I am of any significance to the people around me and life in general. In my case it stems from a feeling of worthlessness. I feel I can't be of any worth (have nothing to offer anyone) so this tends to stop me from talking/gettting to know people etc.
 
NathanielWingatePeaslee

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
chrisjurban said:
isn't this kind of thought process usually the result of lack of self esteem?
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Probably. I don't recall seeing anything like this mentioned in what I've read, somehow.
Lccska said:
I just reread your original post. I think I just repeated what you were saying, if I'm not mistaken. Silence can be devastating. I imagine your opinion of yourself being insignificant has been misread as a great deal more....which is where I think you were going with this.
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Yes. Realizing that this perception of myself is often false has allowed me to realize how much damage it causes in general. I've gotten better about it, but I have to wonder if perhaps other people have yet to realize this, or might be just starting to.
 
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