sickofbeinglonely
Well-known member
OCD has ruled (and ruined) my life since the age of six though I wasn't diagnosed until 23. I've probably written about some of my past obsessions in earlier posts as I've been on here sporadically over five years (I suffer from "forum phobia" as well as being shy offline!)
I've had obsessions about all kinds of things and had to do rituals in the past but most of my obsessions are now in the form of intrusive, repetitive thoughts, usually about failure and what I could (and should) have done with my life.
The worst thing for me is that I procrastinate so much. I fear commiting myself to anything in case it goes wrong and find it impossible even to make simple decisions without going over and over in my mind. I'm driving myself mad.
One of my recent posts is about relationships (or to be precise being rejected before I'm in one) which has been a long term obsession. I don't even know if I want a relationship anymore although I wish I could find a way of meeting single women (even just to get to know them as friends) which didn't involve spending hours perusing dating sites (which I hate doing and feel I would be judged for my mental health issues, not working, inexperience etc). I'm not even on any at the moment. I spend ages thinking about what to say about myself (believe me, there is an interesting person beneath this shadow of my former self), how to come across as attractive, how I can look good (when I have BDD and hate the way I look) and I just go round in circles.
Alternatively, I could just do what others have suggested and join groups (not that there are many locally) but I STILL don't know how to rid myself of this obsession about finding a girlfriend! So I probably won't try anything unless I can guarantee that happening. (Or at least girls who will like me.) I'm considering hypnotherapy (when I've been in a really bad way - which I am now, in fact - I've thought about something drastic like ECT) though ir probably won't work and I probably won't be able to make a decision which is why I can't seem to move forward with anything. I'd jsust like this obsesion to stop being so important to me. I have a friend who recently found his first girlfriend at the age of 30 and I could probably find one quite easily if I didn't think about it all the time but I have no encouragement from anyone (except him) and then when I do try, I get nowhere and am shy to send out messages.
Aaarrrgghh!! Oh well, maybe it's given somebody a laugh reading this or maybe I'm to be pitied. I should know better at my age but I don't have any pride and am just stuck with a cruel, obsessive mind that no matter what I do won't let go and let me be free.
PS I also find it very hard to leave the house though I have been out a bit more often the last couple of weeks to meet up with a friend (who doesn't have any more ideas about how I can meet women than I have and he's older than me!!)
I've had obsessions about all kinds of things and had to do rituals in the past but most of my obsessions are now in the form of intrusive, repetitive thoughts, usually about failure and what I could (and should) have done with my life.
The worst thing for me is that I procrastinate so much. I fear commiting myself to anything in case it goes wrong and find it impossible even to make simple decisions without going over and over in my mind. I'm driving myself mad.
One of my recent posts is about relationships (or to be precise being rejected before I'm in one) which has been a long term obsession. I don't even know if I want a relationship anymore although I wish I could find a way of meeting single women (even just to get to know them as friends) which didn't involve spending hours perusing dating sites (which I hate doing and feel I would be judged for my mental health issues, not working, inexperience etc). I'm not even on any at the moment. I spend ages thinking about what to say about myself (believe me, there is an interesting person beneath this shadow of my former self), how to come across as attractive, how I can look good (when I have BDD and hate the way I look) and I just go round in circles.
Alternatively, I could just do what others have suggested and join groups (not that there are many locally) but I STILL don't know how to rid myself of this obsession about finding a girlfriend! So I probably won't try anything unless I can guarantee that happening. (Or at least girls who will like me.) I'm considering hypnotherapy (when I've been in a really bad way - which I am now, in fact - I've thought about something drastic like ECT) though ir probably won't work and I probably won't be able to make a decision which is why I can't seem to move forward with anything. I'd jsust like this obsesion to stop being so important to me. I have a friend who recently found his first girlfriend at the age of 30 and I could probably find one quite easily if I didn't think about it all the time but I have no encouragement from anyone (except him) and then when I do try, I get nowhere and am shy to send out messages.
Aaarrrgghh!! Oh well, maybe it's given somebody a laugh reading this or maybe I'm to be pitied. I should know better at my age but I don't have any pride and am just stuck with a cruel, obsessive mind that no matter what I do won't let go and let me be free.
PS I also find it very hard to leave the house though I have been out a bit more often the last couple of weeks to meet up with a friend (who doesn't have any more ideas about how I can meet women than I have and he's older than me!!)
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