Earthcircle
Well-known member
I had well over a decade of psychotherapy, and I long lost count of how many therapists I have had. If you total up all the time spent, I would guesstimate about 14 years. Definitely more than 12. But I completely failed. I did not improve in therapy. One therapist told me this is because I unconsciously equate therapists with my father and thus intentionally undermine the therapy in order to abuse and degrade the therapist. Consciously, I always tried very hard to make the therapy work, but unconsciously I was trying to make it fail and enjoying the thought that I was hurting someone in doing so. Now that I am almost 50, and have many years of failure to look back upon, how do I live with myself? How do I live with the fact that I failed in therapy and that it is my fault?