Pushed out of social groups

[Horatio]

Why is it that Im always being pushed to the outer of social groups then finally uncerimonously dumped out of them alltogether? Ever since I was at school and being bullied like anything its always been the bloody same.

People I thought were my friends start making fun of me, then stop including me, then start avoiding me and without telling me they dont want my friendship anymore I find myself not in the group at all.

For the last 4 years or so Ive only had a few friends but now Im finding they are spending more time with each other and I get invited out basically never, in order for me to do something with them I have to organise it and even then it feels like Im asking them to do a chore by going out with me somewhere and more often than not they are "busy" with other social engagments and cant see me anyways. I feel like Im once again turning into the unwanted baggage going round and round the airport luggage conveyerbelt by itself, noone wanting to pick it up, noone wanting to be associated with it, going round and round and round all day long watching all the other bags getting taken home until eventually Im there by myself and a security gaurd comes to destroy me in case Im a bomb.

You know what, I think socialphobia is a joke, yeah sure its a condition and yeah sure its something in our heads that needs fixing, but I reckon Im using it for too many excuses, trying to sheild the truth from myself.

The truth is that Im a fucking loser that people dont wanna hang out with and would be better off dead. Maybe I have socialphobia, or maybe thats just a nice label to give myself instead of loser. Probably both.

 

[JWH]

I stopped ringing people to go out when I was 15 or so. People stopped ringing me to go out at 19. Trouble is I just don't want to go out. I saw enough of people at uni... four hours a week. But that's ended now. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life from now on.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Ohh the joys of having SP. Yep, thats what it does to ya, make you feel like a loser, makes you feel so crap about yourself that you think your not worth knowing. We should all realise by now that its all in our heads...literally.
As for your so called friends...maybe they just dont know how to handle you. I have found a lot of people avoid me now because they dont know what to say or do when i am around. Act normal I tryed to tell them but no, too bloody hard for them that was. So, here i am, friendless yet again. Oh well, life goes on.
Anyone wanna be my friend?...lol

 

[silgado106]

Im using it for too many excuses

Wow, I find myself doing that a lot too. It kind of does make me feel better though. I don't have friends? Well that's the Social Phobia silly! I don't go out? Well that's the Social Phobia silly! I'm a weirdo? Well that's the Social Phobia! What else can I do?

Bleh... I don't know what's true about me anymore.

I'll be your friend LilMiss!

 

[LilMissTragic]

Cool, consider yourself on my new list of friends ...or should i say, my only list of friends.

 

[Anonymous]

jeez stop feeling sorry for yourself you all whine on here constantly i found out about my sp like 6 months ago i thought fuck it im going out too party, my personality has come back at least 85% im back with all my friends and just enjoying life.

In my opinion most people with sp are cowards(i was), Just say too yourself fuck it and go have fun its actually not as bad as you think it would have been once your actually there. If you do this as often as you can you start too realize theres nothing too it.

Its people that go out once a blue moon and moan about how shit it felt that dont get cured cause they dont do it again for months. Well go out the very next day and then the next. you all seem too think one day you will venture outside and it will be gone well it dosent work like that put some effort into it ffs

You and you alone are the only cure for this either grow some balls and get on with your life or just jump of a bridge.

 

[Yossarian]

While I appreciate the sentiment if not the tone, there is some truth to what you say boons. However it is kinda like saying all the Egyptians had to do to build the Pyramids was keep throwing bricks together.

 

[Anonymous]

Thats exactly right yoss. Look at the brick layer the more he lays the better he gets.. (first 4-5 pyramids failed but they kept going ) sp is simple loss of memory kind of once your back in the swing of things it gets easier and easier.

 

[Horatio]

jeez stop feeling sorry for yourself you all whine on here constantly i found out about my sp like 6 months ago i thought fuck it im going out too party, my personality has come back at least 85% im back with all my friends and just enjoying life.

that would be easier if I had friends to go back to... the few "friends" I have dont really give a stuff about me and tend to run me down a lot.

your lucky to have friends to turn to you know, your lucky to have party invitations too! How the hell am I supposed to go to parties when Im not even invited nor know anyone who will be there????

 

[Anonymous]

the few "friends" I have dont really give a stuff about me and tend to run me down a lot.

Then they arent friends...

I dont have invitations a thew months ago when i decided too get better i just went out too the pub and had a good time you'll soon make new friends.

Most of the friends i used too know i dont even speak too anymore i have new supportive friends. I guess with some people you have too work thinks out with yourself before you get friends and such and its not too hard just be positive and look at your position and just improve what you think needs improving.

If i can get better most of you can i used too smoke heavy loads of weeds and skunk in my school days and because of that i have huge paranoia aswell which makes it also twice as hard.

My sucess comes from my big first step i think, i didnt just tackle shops and little things like that i just took the big leap and went out to the pub and since then my fear of shops have just tottaly gone and im use too the pub also now i just need too work on things like interviews and the harder parts of sp.

Im also taking Citalopram medication and it WORKS. If none of you have tried meds i think its a good idea they give you so much confidence and raise your self asteem.

sp is a tug of war in your mind anxiety vs your true self and the more negative you get the harder the anxiety will pull. So be positive and you'll soon be winning

 

[silgado106]

Well do you think that maybe the reason you were able to take that big leap was because you take meds? If you had not been taking meds, do you think you would have still been able to take such a leap?
There are many people here that don't take meds, thus why they can't do something like what you did. But who knows, maybe you have a stronger will-power than some of us

 

[Anonymous]

boons says: You and you alone are the only cure for this either grow some balls and get on with your life or just jump of a bridge.......Im also taking Citalopram medication and it WORKS. If none of you have tried meds i think its a good idea they give you so much confidence and raise your self asteem.


I guess meds count as 'growing balls'? If it were merely a matter of balls, you wouldn't need meds.

A disease is not cowardice. It is helpful to noone to say it is.

In addition, there are may people here who have nothing to go "back" to.

Maybe if you were born with this disorder you'd have a little more compassion.

 

[LilMissTragic]

Its you meds that has helped you, I'm happy that youve found something thats helped, its good to hear but not everyone on here can take meds and some people prefer not to. I myself cant and wont take meds but thankfully my SP is getting in my way less and less.
What you have written just comes back to that same old stupid phrase people like to use with SP sufferers "Pull yourself togther". It aint helpful and it isn't going to make someone with SP suddenly get on with things so why bother even saying it, you of all people really should know better.

 

[specula]

Hear, Hear LilMiss! (oh and J) I'm sick of ppl saying things like that. How can we just 'get out there and start enjoying life', when most of us don't have anyone to get out there and enjoy it with (most of us have few or no friends if i'm correct in assuming). What are we sposed to do, venture out all on our own and just hope that someone takes pity on us standing there all alone by the bar, and strike up a conversation with us, which we couldn't even respond to anyway? Yeah great idea. So let's all go out on our own sometime and watch all the other groups of ppl having fun, then start to feel really anxious like everyone is watching us cos we're the sad mr/mrs no-mates in the corner all on our lonesome, and end up having to leave cos we can't stand it anymore, then not want to leave the house again for another month or so cos that one experience made us feel so crappy about ourselves.
Sorry, i just find it irritating when ppl say things like 'get out there', and 'grow some balls, or just jump off a bridge'. Isn't one of the signs of sa/p that we take flippant remarks to heart? Or at least i know i do. i mean, i'm not gonna go jump off a bridge or anything, but if someone was on their last hope, that sort of thing could have a bad effect.
When ppl make comments like that it means they clearly have little or no idea how damaging it can be :?
Sos again, i guess i'm in a bad mood.....again lol! :roll: I'm gonna shut up now...

 

[Horatio]

I totally agree specula!

telling a socialphobic to "grow some balls and get over it" is like telling a legless man to "get over it and grow some new legs"

 

[Yossarian]

What boons said was certainly a tactless, gross over simplification but getting over SP is not impossible. People have done it and will continue to.

 

[Anonymous]

Well all sit inside for the rest of your life if thats what makes you happy.

Good luck

 

[Anonymous]

I think that it's time this board required registration to prevent the large influx of assholes we've been seeing.

 

[tommydog]

how r ya broo ? :lol:

iv been to auckland lotsa times, my step mum is cook island and her family lives there :wink: